Could use someone's opinion

Madison said:
The money isn't really an issue - I'm almost 75 years old - divorce doesn't really seem like a logical option at this point in our lives.
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What is illogical about reclaiming your life and happiness?
 

astralcat said:
Not everyone who stays at home is depressed and needs help. Some just like doing nothing. It seems to me there are two very different personalities involved here – one outgoing and the other reclusive. Talk to him – explain that you don’t mind going out to events alone – he doesn’t need to come unless he chooses to. Then find some activities you can both enjoy together. I am hesitant to offer any advice as we don’t know his side of the story.
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Thank you - and you're so right. We are and have always been 2 different personality types - I am very outgoing and he's very introverted. I'm also the one trying to resolve the issues by communicating and he just stares at the ceiling not uttering a word. I'm used to it by now - I was just hoping "venting" would give me a different perspective on the situation.
 
Madison said:
I do have friends and enjoy outside activities but he pouts like a child when I go out - and he's constantly calling me and that's so annoying.
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He pouts because it works.
He calls you because he can.

You can't change him if he is not willing to change.

You can only change your reaction - ignore pouts. Tell him you are not answering calls and then put your phone on silent so they don't annoy you.
 

Welcome to our forum!

Life is too short to be miserable. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone and make a change. It is hard to do but it is better than being unhappy the rest of your life.
 
Madison said:
Been married - not happily - for 39 years to a man who has no interests or motivation at all. He just sits on the couch and watches tv all day. We never go anywhere or do anything. If he wants something - like a boat or lawn maintenance equipment he puts till he gets what he wants. I just wanna take a walk or go for a drive but he refuses. I know what you're thinking - why stay with him for all these years - he was different 30 years ago - he as no one - no family or friends and personally I think he's a bit unbalanced and I'm afraid he might hurt himself if I leave. He refuses to talk to someone and says he doesn't need help -
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I'm sorry but as soon as I started to read this, just one image came to my mind.
keeping.jpg
 
Madison said:
Thank you - and you're so right. We are and have always been 2 different personality types - I am very outgoing and he's very introverted. I'm also the one trying to resolve the issues by communicating and he just stares at the ceiling not uttering a word. I'm used to it by now - I was just hoping "venting" would give me a different perspective on the situation.
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Venting doesn't usually give one a different perspective.... it serves to release pent up emotions that are one side of a story. Hearers get a skewed version. We tend to take what's said at face value while forgetting there is another side. Thus, we may agree with you, offer sympathy and so forth.

Basically you can get a group of folks telling you that of course you are right, he is horrible, leave him, etc. Sharing with us that your kids and his co-workers all seem to feel the same way is not helpful.... but simply another way to 'prove' that you are right and our sympathy should lie with you.

If I felt, from your handful of posts here, that you truly wanted opinions (or advice) I would gladly offer some. So far, all I have seen are posts that run down the man that you married for better & for worse, while making yourself out to be an innocent victim, and seeking sympathy.
Forgive me if this sounds like an attack, it is certainly not intended! I am just responding to what I have seen here.
 
Who_so_ever said:
Venting doesn't usually give one a different perspective.... it serves to release pent up emotions that are one side of a story. Hearers get a skewed version. We tend to take what's said at face value while forgetting there is another side. Thus, we may agree with you, offer sympathy and so forth.

Basically you can get a group of folks telling you that of course you are right, he is horrible, leave him, etc. Sharing with us that your kids and his co-workers all seem to feel the same way is not helpful.... but simply another way to 'prove' that you are right and our sympathy should lie with you.

If I felt, from your handful of posts here, that you truly wanted opinions (or advice) I would gladly offer some. So far, all I have seen are posts that run down the man that you married for better & for worse, while making yourself out to be an innocent victim, and seeking sympathy.
Forgive me if this sounds like an attack, it is certainly not intended! I am just responding to what I have seen here.
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Well said, and I agree completely.
 
No one can help anyone that doesn’t want help. Sounds like he may be manipulative.

All of us need to do what makes us happy.

I am at the age now where I am beginning to bury my relatives and friends. Each funeral I attend is a reminder of my own mortality.
 
I can tell you with confidence, from the information you’ve given, that your husband is very satisfied with the status quo and won’t change, so if you’re dissatisfied with the way things are it’s you who needs to change. You have zero control over him or his actions (or lack thereof.) The only person you have control over is yourself.

He sounds manipulative, and that won’t change either. Your life is yours to live the way you choose, but as long as you allow his manipulations to control how you live it, you’ll continue to be unhappy and dissatisfied.

It’s change that changes things, not worrying about them or complaining about them or being sad about them or anything else. So if you want this situation to change, YOU have to change your approach, and if you approach it in any way that seeks for your husband to change, you will fail, unless he’s willing, and nothing you’ve said makes me believe that he has any willingness at all.
 
Either move out and get on with your life or stop talking about how bad your life is! From my perspective, when you justify staying in this situation you are in fact condemning yourself to live just like your husband. Get out or shut the heck up! You owe him nothing and you are not responsible for him...
 
Change is possible! I have an idea that might easily transform your husband in a short period of time. You say all he wants to do is sit and watch TV so work with that! What is he watching on his TV? Crime? Violence? That can make or break him.

Start by watching TV with him for like a week or so, but only under one condition: you choose what to watch. If he refuses say, how about just one night? Then choose these: Beautiful inspirational videos on the YouTube app with white background Free* showing gorgeous flora/fauna and magnificent aerial/drone photography of amazing landscapes all over the world with instrumental music that is calming/feel good.

Scroll to choose whatever is pure and good and wholesome. There's also a unique "Country Life Vlog" from Azerbaijani that shows a farm couple living off the land that is fascinating! The older ones are best in my opinion. Cooking, farm animals coexisting, quiet scenery

*YouTubeTV (cable/costs) with black background is different than YouTube (Free) with white background.

Healthy TV choice from "Country Life Vlog" for example. There are a bunch of these :

 

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