COVID-19 humor to relieve stress

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From the New Yorker magazine -​

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Symptoms of the New Variant May Include​


Ethan Kuperberg




  • Dry cough
  • Wet cough
  • The perfect cough—not too dry, not too wet
  • No cough
  • Any symptoms you typically have when you are dehydrated, are on your period, didn’t get a perfect night’s sleep, or are more than thirty years old
  • Sore throat
  • Throat that is not sore, just a little disappointed
  • Scratchy throat, but the kind that’s sexy
  • Hunger and/or loss of appetite
  • Watery eyes and you haven’t recently listened to the original Broadway-cast recording of “Sunday in the Park with George”
  • Clear eyes, coupled with a full heart and inability to lose
  • Feeling generally pretty good!
  • Tiredness (due to thinking about COVID-19)
  • Anxiety (about catching COVID-19)
  • Exhaustion (from panicking about COVID-19)
  • Foot asleep
  • When you rub your eyes and it just makes them feel scratchier, but you simply cannot stop rubbing
  • Inflamed ego
  • The feeling that your body just misses her touch—that’s all
  • Sweating the small stuff
  • Sweaty palms, weak knees, heavy arms, nervous—but on the surface calm and ready
  • Instagram ads are all for COVID-19
  • Insomnia
  • “Insomnia” (2002, Christopher Nolan)
  • The feeling that you’ve just gotta dance!
  • Sneezing and no one nearby saying “bless you”
  • Excessive and/or painful winking
  • Child recently wrote “COVID-19” on the mirror backward
  • Death
  • Other flu-like symptoms
 
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