Dealing with Death in a Senior Citizen Community

ronk

ronk

Member
This is a hard one for me to relate. I've lived in Senior Citizen buildings for over a decade. I am very shy, and haven't made many serious personal relationships with my neighbors. But I do my best to be friendly and caring with all my neighbors. Some neighbors have become my favorites, but our relationships have usually been confined to chance encounters in the hallway, the elevator, etc. My memory stinks. I rarely try to remember the names of my neighbors. I do my best to let the neighbors know how much I respect them, and that I might not remember their names. Some of the neighbors have dogs. I love dogs. I always greet both the neighbor and the dog. I probably won't remember the dog's names either.

When you live in a community of Senior Citizens, you see death all the time. Death is such an inevitable thing around here. It gets depressing at times. We often get notices of the deaths of our neighbors. But it's difficult since I don't always remember the names. One example happened today. I saw this woman who I've always liked because of her sense of humor. I saw her most often with her husband. I never knew their names, but always enjoyed even the short moments we shared in the elevator, etc. A few days ago, people had passed around a "Sympathy card," but I didn't recognize the name of the people involved. Today I saw the wife in the elevator. She might have seemed a bit distracted. After we got ioff the elevator, I saw a few people talk to her, and give her hugs. I knew then that she had recently lost her husband. I hadn't signed her sympathy card, because I didn't recognize the name.

I didn't see her again today before I went back upstairs to my apartment. I've been suffering from a severe cold, and don't want to spend much time out in public areas till I feel better. I'd like to somehow express my sympathy. Do any of you understand what I'm trying to say?
 

ronk said:
This is a hard one for me to relate. I've lived in Senior Citizen buildings for over a decade. I am very shy, and haven't made many serious personal relationships with my neighbors. But I do my best to be friendly and caring with all my neighbors. Some neighbors have become my favorites, but our relationships have usually been confined to chance encounters in the hallway, the elevator, etc. My memory stinks. I rarely try to remember the names of my neighbors. I do my best to let the neighbors know how much I respect them, and that I might not remember their names. Some of the neighbors have dogs. I love dogs. I always greet both the neighbor and the dog. I probably won't remember the dog's names either.

When you live in a community of Senior Citizens, you see death all the time. Death is such an inevitable thing around here. It gets depressing at times. We often get notices of the deaths of our neighbors. But it's difficult since I don't always remember the names. One example happened today. I saw this woman who I've always liked because of her sense of humor. I saw her most often with her husband. I never knew their names, but always enjoyed even the short moments we shared in the elevator, etc. A few days ago, people had passed around a "Sympathy card," but I didn't recognize the name of the people involved. Today I saw the wife in the elevator. She might have seemed a bit distracted. After we got ioff the elevator, I saw a few people talk to her, and give her hugs. I knew then that she had recently lost her husband. I hadn't signed her sympathy card, because I didn't recognize the name.

I didn't see her again today before I went back upstairs to my apartment. I've been suffering from a severe cold, and don't want to spend much time out in public areas till I feel better. I'd like to somehow express my sympathy. Do any of you understand what I'm trying to say?
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I think I do understand......and I believe that in all cases honesty is still the best policy. Approach her, tell her the truth , that you just did not put a face to the name, and offer your condolences . If that is not enough for her.....oh well. Good chance her memory isn't what it once was either.
 
If you see her again, just say you're sorry for her loss. How difficult can that be, and no "explanation" necessary. She probably doesn't know who you are, either.
 

Thanks for responding, everyone. I always struggle between my own shyness or fear, and feeling a need to recognize everyone as being important. I am not yet ready to pursue a personal friendship or relationship with anyone right now. But I can let people know I respect them, and bring a little touch of my own personality to help brighten their days. I'm a very emotional and empathetic person. I believe this is rare for a man. My sensitivity has attracted scorn from many people. But that same sensitivity has also allowed me to excel in potentially violent situations. (I was a security guard in neighborhoods where "minorities" lived. The "minorities" had been abused by the police and other security guards. I treated everyone with respect.)

I will not be in this apartment building long enough to establish lengthy relationships with my fellow community members. But I will continue to do my best to let them know I care. I haven't gone out "in public" since the day I understood exactly who had died. I may not find a perfect situation to share my sympathy. But I will take advantage of whatever situation does arrive.

One theme that hits me here is the fact that "statistics" dictate that residents will see a greater concentration of older people facing health problems and death. Sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed.
 
Take it easy. Take it one day at a time. Do what you think is best when a problem arises. REGARDLESS....The world will keep on spinning.

RELAX ! Smile a lot. Have a drink of your favorite beverage, whatever it is. BE HAPPY ! That's AN ORDER !!!!
 
Don’t grieve yourself with needless guilt.
You didn’t know then but do now so will act accordingly when you see her next.
Relax. You’ve got this.
 
Keesha, thanks. I experience so many emotions in so many situations. Sometimes it helps just to share my feelings.
 
I agree with Rgp, C'est Moi and Rose. If you happen to see her again, offer your sympathy for her loss and if the conversation goes beyond that, you can let her know that you didn't recognize who the card was for at the time, or you would have signed it. You can offer your condolences any time, it doesn't have to be right away. If you don't get the chance to talk to her again, don't feel bad, you did what you could at the time, that's all any of us can do.
 
Yeah, I've decided just to wait till I see her again, then express my sympathy.
 

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