Dealing with liars, (according to those who advise others)

grahamg

grahamg

Old codger
Location
South of Manchester, UK
"Dealing with liars is never easy, but it can be especially hard when we don’t understand the concept of lying as a whole. There are a number of reasons people lie, and they range anywhere from sociopathic tendencies to a need to spare the feelings of someone they love. The true power in dealing with lies comes when we learn how to recognize them for what they are and separate ourselves from the behavior in a way that protects our physical and mental wellbeing.

If you’ve found yourself entangled in a situation that’s saturated with lies, focus first on getting to the bottom of those lies with both acceptance and open and honest understanding. Lies are toxic, and they go a long way to hurt even when they are set with the best of intentions. Like shadows, untruths add up, and when they do they can seriously shake our perception of self and reality. Don’t let the lies throw your life and your joy off kilter. Adopt the simple techniques you need to defend yourself from lies big and small alike."

https://medium.com/lady-vivra/deal-with-liars-the-right-way-bf10d77c5bc2
 

I forgot to throw in earlier my father's comment about "Liars need a good memory", (as a reason not to bother yourself by using them, as life is so much smoother perhaps when you dont have to try to recall exactly whatever you've said to so and so)>
 
More from the website quoted in the OP:

"How people lie to us.
Not all lies are created equal, and not all lies come with the same complexity or intention. To some, lies are a means of control and manipulation — while to to others they are simply a means of protecting someone they care about. Though not all lies are malicious, they can all add up to some major unhappiness when not addressed over time."

Break

"How to deal with liars.
If you’ve found yourself embroiled in a toxic tango with someone who just can’t tell the truth, there are a number of steps you can take both to deal with them and protect your mental and emotional wellbeing. From creating space, to learning how to stop the personalization process, dealing with liars is never easy but it is possible with some basic techniques."

Break

"Protect yourself
It’s critical — when dealing with liars — that we learn how to protect ourselves from their more malicious machinations. While not all liars are dangerous or harmful in nature, some are, and it’s important that we have the coping mechanisms we need before we’re sucking into their traps. If you think you might have a pathological or sociopathic liar in your life, learn how to protect yourself so that you can manage the turbulent waters around them effectively.

First and foremost, if you’re considering confrontation: get witnesses. Some liars are more dangerous than others and there’s always safety in numbers and solid evidence. Enlist the help of people you trust, or people who were there when the moment-in-question went down. The more people that see things from your point of view, the better, as charismatic liars can often be gifted at charming the wool over people’s eyes."
 

I have to think of the best way to tell my grand daughter (10) that it’s okay to tell a lie for a good cause. The truth can often offend and it’s a valuable social skill to know when to lie to keep the peace.

It’s tricky.
 
mellowyellow said:
I have to think of the best way to tell my grand daughter (10) that it’s okay to tell a lie for a good cause. The truth can often offend and it’s a valuable social skill to know when to lie to keep the peace.

It’s tricky.
Click to expand...
Yes, that is a bit tricky.

My daughter once fibbed about having washed her hands before taking her meal. Suspecting she was perhaps doing so I felt her hands and they were too dry to have been recently washed so I told her to wash them again, and she didn't argue because I think she was a bit impressed her "Ol' dad" wasn't quite so dumb as she thought! :)
 
If I find someone is a chronic liar I avoid them. However, if someone lies for a personnel reason, such as a private family issue then I forgive them because they have a right to privacy. For instance, if their spouse cheated on them, or their child took drugs they had a right to deny it.
That is their business.
 
Youngatheart said:
Liars talk a lot.
Click to expand...
Are you calling m,........, (no of course not!). :sneaky:

You can of course mislead someone without even saying a word, by a look on your face, or by your silence when asked an apparently straightforward question, or by responding with "It would be wrong of me to say yes or no", (and the assumption made is you're defending someone other than yourself by not answering.

My own mother was very honest, but could be guilty of misleading you, or failing to answer a straightforward question sometimes.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top