Dealing with someone with hearing loss

J

Jeni

Senior Member
Does anyone else have a significant other who has hearing issues? He knows it yet still refuses to ask for someone to repeat things. Instead answers nonsensical to a question that was never asked. Often gets mad at waitstaff that "got his order wrong" but they asked him something he nodded and they thought it meant yes.
My spouse has hearing aids i insisted years ago ... but he saves them for work or friends and family........ alone at home or out and about they sit in their holder.

At home with me, he takes them out and makes continual errors of " I thought you said this or that" he thinks it is funny.... I do NOT

I realize I speak loudly, I learned to as his hearing was failing and he refused to deal with for many years until it became a work thing. ... I try to be cognizant of my tone and volume ....
He claims TV is hurting us communicating ... I showed him the POWER button on TV.
I am feeling very frustrated in dealing with this.
 

I have a friend with a hearing aid I try being helpful as I can. However sometimes I just can't raise my voice or repeat myself anymore. I just let him go on with what he thinks he hears. I know it's wrong, but I'm human.
 

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I was a hearing aid specialist in another life. I think my patients told me what I wanted to hear.....that they were wearing their hearing aids. Then I'd see them hiding from me in Wal-Mart because they don't wear them. 😊
Looking back, I led horses to water. Some drank, some didn't. Some loved their aids, some hated them. A lot depends on treating the loss early before it's too late. 😕
 
Now on the other side of the aisle. I try to warn my wife when the aids are getting too painful to wear. She either adjusts her speech or accepts what I've heard or haven't heard. My hearing loss was a long time in coming and continues to get worse. I've spent more time and money treating my loss to no avail. So I just quit talking or trying to listen. Half of what is said doesn't pertain to me anyway. I quit using the phone, the whistling aids were no help anyway. My hearing loss was not unexpected.

I've become more anti-social in relationship to my hearing. All the money I've spent to treat my hearing is down the drain. So deal with it. Either you email me or put it on a note. I accept either form. I've made adjustments to my interaction, why can't you. I tell everyone I'm an old man with bad hearing. Send me an Email, if you want me so informed, correctly. They've been warned. I know it's frustrating but so is my hearing. An erasable white board is my wife's & DD's answer to the problem that seems to work for us.

A decent set of noise cancelling blue tooth headphones are a good thing for me. Thank god for sub-titles. I can read! & understand almost any dialect, before Scottish was a foreign language to me. The sub-titles just can't keep up with Spanish, Italian or Japanese. They'll get that right as technology continues to evolve.
 
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My wife's hearing aids are electronic, small, digital buds. You can hardly see them. Her hearing has all but returned, which is most welcome. Previously I would have to shout in order for her to hear me. Shouting inevitably sounded like arguing. Her digital hearing aids has brought harmony back into our relationship.
 
horseless carriage said:
My wife's hearing aids are electronic, small, digital buds. You can hardly see them. Her hearing has all but returned, which is most welcome. Previously I would have to shout in order for her to hear me. Shouting inevitably sounded like arguing. Her digital hearing aids has brought harmony back into our relationship.
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Good for her, they don't work that well with others. One size doesn't fit all. My wife doesn't have to yell but she does have to speak more slowly and enunciate clearly for me to get the complete story. Language has deteriorated with the onslaught of smartphones & texting. Try talking to any teenager today.
 
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Nathan said:
My wife's hearing is poor and so is mine, more so. We tolerate each other's deficiencies.
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According to the other posters a person shouldn't have to 'tolerate' another person' s afflictions or issues. Just spend more money chasing after that elusive perfect world rather than adapt.
 
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My hearing is not good. I do some lip reading if the speaker isn't facing the other direction. I sent for some $400. hearing aids but they kept falling out of my ears and I never wore them outside the house. Soon it was too late to send them back so you will just have to speak up.
 
My wife has an issue w hearing and the hearing aids do help. She also has a habit of not acknowledging something she's heard "oh I didn't think that required an answer" while I'm repeating the statement again. Frustrating.

She's also taken to listening to podcasts throughout the day while she does her chores, knitting, puzzles, etc and one can never tell what world she's in which results in a LOT of repeating. Leeds one to not communicate at all. Of course theres the normal "I don't remember" or "I forgot" which is really even more frustrating than the hearing issue itself.

Marriage is said to be a 50 year conversation, perhaps texting and emailing will allow us to continue on that path.
 
I find that when speaking to a person who is hearing impaired that it helps if there are no other “sound distractions”. Sitting across from that person and speaking even in a normal voice is much easier for that person to understand because they can isolate the conversation. When people are all talking at once as happens at family gatherings or when the tv is on it becomes difficult to separate the words into meaningful messages. Just a thought…
 
I do understand the frustrations of living with a hearing impaired person. I found that to communicate more effectively, it helps if you get their attention first, perhaps by calling out their name, or tapping them on the arm. Then they are ready to engage with you and are ready to watch your facial expressions during the conversation. Hearing aids can be uncomfortable so many choose to only wear them when they are in a social setting. It is just as frustrating for the hearing impaired person as well.
 
gilead said:
Now on the other side of the aisle. I try to warn my wife when the aids are getting too painful to wear. She either adjusts her speech or accepts what I've heard or haven't heard. My hearing loss was a long time in coming and continues to get worse. I've spent more time and money treating my loss to no avail. So I just quit talking or trying to listen. Half of what is said doesn't pertain to me anyway. I quit using the phone, the whistling aids were no help anyway. My hearing loss was not unexpected.

I've become more anti-social in relationship to my hearing. All the money I've spent to treat my hearing is down the drain. So deal with it. Either you email me or put it on a note. I accept either form. I've made adjustments to my interaction, why can't you. I tell everyone I'm an old man with bad hearing. Send me an Email, if you want me so informed, correctly. They've been warned. I know it's frustrating but so is my hearing. An erasable white board is my wife's & DD's answer to the problem that seems to work for us.

A decent set of noise cancelling blue tooth headphones are a good thing for me. Thank god for sub-titles. I can read! & understand almost any dialect, before Scottish was a foreign language to me. The sub-titles just can't keep up with Spanish, Italian or Japanese. They'll get that right as technology continues to evolve.
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Thank you for your insight.
I agree at a certain point it is not improving .
I feel bad for him as he does not do well socially not hearing a conversation and one of the reasons i convinced him of the aids was a friend had her spouse get them and she said he was able to interact and was not isolated. I have taken his hearing aids into the place he bought them and have updated the programming .. replaced a receiver or cleaned unit and everything i can to help.

I always look for if he has them in to make sure I am volume conscience. maybe finding ways to text something would be better so many kids do that even in the same room these days. It must frustrate him as well.
 
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fuzzybuddy said:
Why don't people with hearing aids use them? That's a common behavior. My mom did that. It was a comedy album each time I called her. Me: "I'm doing fine". Her: "I don't know, who is nine?" She hardly ever wore them.
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They hurt, they are obnoxious foreign objects in your body, they are uncomfortable, they are usually not life threatening if you don't wear them, they feel much better on the table.. they slide in and out at will, they whistle if objects get near them, The whistling is the top complaint I get from people close by, I can't hear it so I ignore it. Most of what people say is not that important anyway,

Why didn't you text your mom when you had something important to tell her. If texting was unavailable write an Email, everybody used it in the 80's & 90's. Why did you call her when you knew she can't hear you very well, did you think there was a miracle happening, and she suddenly could hear? We used to laugh at my dad repeated about some of things he thought he heard, until my hearing started to go then I felt sorry that I didn't try a different approach. He became isolated & quit talking.
 
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I have developed a hearing problem, and I have to use my hearing aids to be able to hear well enough to get along with others properly. I openly talk with my wife and kids about my hearing and let them know if I cannot hear them for any reason. Since they know about my problem, they all work with me to find a better place to talk if needed. My Wifes mother had hearing loss that started in her 50's, so my wife already knew how to deal with it. Some people are not patient with me, and others just don't get it. No matter, as long as I can talk with my family, I can live with the rest of you....

Life is short, so I refuse to waste time trying to get others to deal with my problems. I just move on...
 
gilead said:
They hurt, they are obnoxious foreign objects in your body, they are uncomfortable, they are usually not life threatening if you don't wear them, they feel much better on the table.. they slide in and out at will, they whistle if objects get near them, The whistling is the top complaint I get from people close by, I can't hear it so I ignore it. Most of what people say is not that important anyway,

Why didn't you text your mom when you had something important to tell her. If texting was unavailable write an Email, everybody used it in the 80's & 90's. Why did you call her when you knew she can't hear you very well, did you think there was a miracle happening, and she suddenly could hear? We used to laugh at my dad repeated about some of things he thought he heard, until my hearing started to go then I felt sorry that I didn't try a different approach. He became isolated & quit talking.
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I too wear hearing aids; I use the ones that lay behind my ear with a wire that wraps over the ear into the ear canal. For me these are to most comfortable and offer the best volume control. The inside the ear ones just don't have enough volume for me. I set my volume, so they don't whistle and they are not uncomfortable! It took a week or two of constant wear for me to get used to how they felt in my ears, but it was never painful. You need to return yours were you got them and go to Costco or somewhere that you can try a few different types....
 
BF has hearing loss in one ear and will sometimes misshear when ordering in a restaurant but I'm there to assist. Mom is almost completely deaf and will NOT accept a gift of hearing aids. I constantly have to repeat myself and face her while speaking because she reads lips very well. I've asked her if I could write messages to her but she says she can't read my handwriting. I've given up. If I shout she becomes angry yet I feel so bad because such serious deafness must be isolating. I wish I could find a solution that works for everyone.
 
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Timewise 60+ said:
I too wear hearing aids; I use the ones that lay behind my ear with a wire that wraps over the ear into the ear canal. For me these are to most comfortable and offer the best volume control. The inside the ear ones just don't have enough volume for me. I set my volume, so they don't whistle and they are not uncomfortable! It took a week or two of constant wear for me to get used to how they felt in my ears, but it was never painful. You need to return yours were you got them and go to Costco or somewhere that you can try a few different types....
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Well, I went the Costco route. 1st tried the BTE, comfortable? NO! they hurt the top my ear lobes, came off every time I removed my glasses. Need glasses to watch TV or drive, so I quit driving. The aids quit working 20 minutes after I left the store. That trip cost $1,500.00 with no co-pay. Bought several pair online when the cost's went back to affordable. Hundreds spent, nothing worked well, I had issues with each. Went with the ITE style, better but they still had their problems.

Decided NO model works the same for all. Finally settled on something that worked for me. I now live with my problems & issues, those around me have learned to deal as best they can with the outcome. I do talk less & try to keep my opinions to myself. No one listens anyway. We haven't turned our ROKU-TV on in over 2 months. 3 laptops serve our purpose quite well. (2 Chromebooks, 1 AIO with Linux installed, decent head phones for all).

My wife or DD have learned to step in front of me & motion with their hands to remove the headphones first, then they ask their question. I can wear my aids with the new headphones without the whistle, so I can hear them. If they stand to one side & touch my arm it startles me & is not safe for anyone, We started doing more sign language as a result of adapting.
 
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gilead said:
They hurt, they are obnoxious foreign objects in your body, they are uncomfortable, they are usually not life threatening if you don't wear them, they feel much better on the table.. they slide in and out at will, they whistle if objects get near them, The whistling is the top complaint I get from people close by, I can't hear it so I ignore it. Most of what people say is not that important anyway,

Why didn't you text your mom when you had something important to tell her. If texting was unavailable write an Email, everybody used it in the 80's & 90's. Why did you call her when you knew she can't hear you very well, did you think there was a miracle happening, and she suddenly could hear? We used to laugh at my dad repeated about some of things he thought he heard, until my hearing started to go then I felt sorry that I didn't try a different approach. He became isolated & quit talking.
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My mom lived 250 miles from me, and she had a landline without a texting feature. She was in her late 80s and had no interest in learning about computers. I did get her a computer, my brother tried to teach her, but she never used it and gave it away.
 
I’m another one that deals with the frustration and stress of a family member with severe hearing loss. My mom (I think many of you already know she lives with me) is extremely hearing impaired and has always refused to even consider hearing aids. And now at age 91 and dealing with cognitive decline, I don’t think they would be a solution for her anyway. It is very sad and isolating for her.

I get so exhausted from having to repeat everything three times while gradually getting louder and louder. Sometimes I’ll think of something I want to say to her but then think ‘ is this piece of information important enough that I want to yell it repeatedly?’ The answer is usually no.

And the volume the TV has to be on for her! OMG. Thankfully she only wants to watch about 30 minutes of local news every day.
When people visit I remind them they must speak loud to her but they don’t! They say something, she looks at me, and I yell it back like a demented UN interpreter.

I do sympathize and empathize with her. I’m having issues with my own hearing in crowded situations.
 

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