Dear Cat/Dog - messages to our pets

applecruncher

applecruncher

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Ohio USA
Dear Bella,

Well, I’ve decided you’ve dodged a bullet far too long. I’m tired of getting scratched when I try to play with you or pick you up. Your second favorite person, Rose, is coming over on Labor Day. Before we go out to eat she is going to trim your nails (which are currently talons) – front AND back. Don’t worry…she’ll bring her special clippers she uses on her gang. But it’s going to happen, so stop giving me the stinkeye because I know you heard me on the phone.
 

Dear Sophie,
You know I love you dearly. We have never had a pup as long as we've had you. You were basically my first canine love. But really, the neediness is getting old. Also the prey drive, a cat can dispatch a critter in one bite. You're messy about it. Poor Callie had his face mauled because he got too close while you tried to take out a groundhog. But back to the neediness.
There is a beautiful young girl who has been in the groomer's kennel for half a year. Yes she is as needy as you. She even looks like you when you were young. Why you had to attack her I don't know. I'll tell you...I love you dearly but when you go to that rainbow bridge, the same day I'm adopting a litter of kittens and that dog. But I still love you, my neurotic basket case.

My Dearest Callie,
Don't tell a soul...but I love you the best. Sophie, cats, even human kids don't come close. My beautiful boy, I know you probably had a rough time before I met you. Somebody cutting your tail then leaving you alone. Maybe you made a run for it I'll never know. But thank you for everything you mean to me.
Someone I can depend on to keep me safe. Nobody would be foolish enough to break in the house or approach me outside under your watch. Yes you can look fearsome in public. But I know when we get home you'll eat your biscuit and then be belly up for some good lovin'.
Even with the intestinal fortitude to wilt the houseplants, you're the perfect man for me and I love you.
 
Ambis

I know you're upset because I laughed when you fell off the chair, but it was quite funny you know, and even a Siamese shouldn't be sulking for more than a week.

I promise in future I'll have respect for your dignity.
 

Dear Shakira, I understand it is a great responsibility being a God. However the heavy load does not entitle you to have scallops and bacon every day. So sorry. Perhaps you should consider hiring more staff?
 
Dear Bella,
When you moved in with me 5 years ago, I set you up with your own email account. I thought this was a nice gesture on my part; you’ve been able to communicate with your friends and surf a few cat websites. Turns out you’ve become quite computer savvy. It recently came to my attention that you sent an email to your Aunt Rose and told her not to bother to bring her cat nail clippers when she comes over on Monday. You said your nails are just fine. Well, they are not. Nice try. :rolleyes:
 
applecruncher said:
Dear Bella,
When you moved in with me 5 years ago, I set you up with your own email account. I thought this was a nice gesture on my part; you’ve been able to communicate with your friends and surf a few cat websites. Turns out you’ve become quite computer savvy. It recently came to my attention that you sent an email to your Aunt Rose and told her not to bother to bring her cat nail clippers when she comes over on Monday. You said your nails are just fine. Well, they are not. Nice try. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

:rofl:
 
Dear LOrds Stanley, Scruffydoodle, Digger, and Zeus...and Princesses.., Minkymoo, Pixie, and Fizz my 7 glorious and adored grandfurkids...

I know you miss your granny more ..and if you could you would get on that plane by yourself and come and just spend all day playing chase and ball with grandma-ma..but of course you're stuck with a meanie mummy and daddy who tell you that Father Christmas's reindeer ate your passports...and Santa can't bring new ones because he's too fat for his reindeer to fly up to the top of the mountain where you live...but little does your mummy and daddy know that you still manage to send sneaky updated pictures to granny via iphone...you're such clever talented furkids keeping all of the secrets from your meanie mum and dad....

Little stanley you little tiny but mighty atom labradoodle, you took the news of santa not bringing new passports hardest of all..and made your thoughts known quite clearly...

stansbum-2.jpg


..and the look in your eye Digger when you were told granny couldn't come out for your birthday and play your favourite game with you for hours...and hours....would melt the heart of the iciest snowman..

Digger22-1.jpg


But after a word from Big brother Scruffydoodle in both of you youngsters' ears ..to be men and don't show weakness in the face of adversity and lack of rubber balls ... I can still see in your eyes you want granny to come and rescue you.. and I will..worry thee not my 3 fine boys I'll be back up on the mountain top soon, and this time despite that darn reindeer we'll make a run for it..

ScruffStanDig3.jpg
 
applecruncher said:
Dear Bella,
When you moved in with me 5 years ago, I set you up with your own email account. I thought this was a nice gesture on my part; you’ve been able to communicate with your friends and surf a few cat websites. Turns out you’ve become quite computer savvy. It recently came to my attention that you sent an email to your Aunt Rose and told her not to bother to bring her cat nail clippers when she comes over on Monday. You said your nails are just fine. Well, they are not. Nice try. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...


Too funny! That cat of yours has a lot of nerve, going behind your back!
 
Dear Boudica,

You know I love you madly but you just cannot have pulled pork for supper EVERY night just because I gave you some the night before last.

The hunger-strike ends now. Your expensive and healthy dog food that you usually wolf down with glee will be served up again.
 
Dear Bonnie

Do not feel sad, my sweet Bonnie, because that mean woman said you were a vicious pitbull. You are one of the most un-vicious creatures I have ever met. You are an old soul with a great heart, and you deserve all the love I can give you after your rocky first years. We were just walking down the street and you were smelling flowers when that awful woman said that. SHE is the vicious one, and what she said doesn't say anything about you, but it says a lot about her.

So give me a sweet pitbull kiss and go lay on the couch on your back with all your feet in the air like you usually do and have sweet dreams and know I will always love you take the very best care of you.
 
Bella,
So today you're sending me some kind of "message" by hiding in the closet. (...sigh) Lucky for you I cracked the door open. But I am bigger than you are... on Monday I'll just put on my heavy-duty cleaning gloves, eye shields (because you might go wild and literally throw a hissy), scoop you up and hand you over to your Aunt Rose.
 
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Many Pats, it is quite probable that if you ever gave yourself a proper bath, you might not shed cat litter everywhere you go! Also, you would cease to resemble a scruffy dust mop. Brushing only does so much.
 
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