Death of a Spouse

Ken N Tx said:
I really do not know how I would handle the loss of my wife..We have been together since we where 13!! Married at 19...
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Your story is almost a duplication of my wife and I. Married at 19 and going on 68 years together. I don’t know how I’ll handle her passing either.
 

Marie5656 said:
For me, yes. It was physically hard for me to do the yard work, and dealing with snow removal. It took me a while to get used to apartment living (had been years since I lived in an apartment) , I worked on the personal pros and cons. Part was being closer to family. So a great move for me
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Yes, I understand. Was it emotionally beneficial as well?
 

@StillLearning

I don't have any words of wisdom that you'd asked for;
But I want to let you know that I have been thinking of you and caring, and hoping that you will find your way to ride the waves of this most difficult transition.

I am certain that many people who've read your posts here, and the caring replies, are doing the same, and thinking of you, more often than you'd realize.

Kaila
 
My husband passed 12 yrs ago (cancer). The 1st yr was the hardest. No job meant no money coming in. I made every penny scream. Wondered how I was going to survive. Kids were fully grown and had a life far from me. No friends to help me through this. I was glued to the house, talking to the ashes of my husband. Never wanting to go out. I felt like shattered glass. I knew I needed help.

So got myself into a therapy group. Listening to how people were coping with the death helped some. But I need more, much more, so I went to see a therapist. After 3-months I finally found a widow’s forum. That was the biggest help to me. I got to write daily, sometimes 3x per day. That forum became my best friend for a couple of yrs.

Days went by. Then months. Then 1-yr and then the next went by. I was slowly gaining and learning to live a life. It wasn’t easy, but I was doing it.

If I survived and all those other widows out there survived, you will too. Promise. It’s a process. Your pain will decrease.
 
I lost my wife to ALS 11 years ago. In the beginning, I went to a church sponsored weekly support group called "Griefshare." I think it helped, knowing that other people in the group were experiencing some of the same struggles I was going through. Also, I got out of the house a lot - at least 2 hours a day. That didn't always work. Sometimes I would start off down the road to a movie, or a mall, but never made it. Halfway there, I'd turn my car around and come back home. I just wanted everything back to normal. That does not happen. I never found a shortcut to grief; I had to go through it, not around it, and it took awhile, but it finally got easier.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
I lost my wife to ALS 11 years ago. In the beginning, I went to a church sponsored weekly support group called "Griefshare." I think it helped, knowing that other people in the group were experiencing some of the same struggles I was going through. Also, I got out of the house a lot - at least 2 hours a day. That didn't always work. Sometimes I would start off down the road to a movie, or a mall, but never made it. Halfway there, I'd turn my car around and come back home. I just wanted everything back to normal. That does not happen. I never found a shortcut to grief; I had to go through it, not around it, .......
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I had a good day yesterday when I didn’t cry and my hands didn’t shake. Today is a bad day again. Spoke to my granddaughter and she told me Grandma you will have good days and bad. After you have your first good day followed by a bad day it will be the hardest. You’re expecting more good days and it will hit you harder with the bad. But at least you had 1 good day. Don’t know how she became so wise.
 
My condolences for your loss. I lost my wife of 30 years in 2005. I was her caregiver for 12 years after her brain injury.
I decided that I was not going to wear sackcloth and ashes for the rest of my life. Each of us grieves in a different way
I started traveling to places my late wife had no desire to go to.
I found an on line grief recovery site that offered comfort from others that had lost there spouses. Well, life is funny, because I found out that one of the widows lived 40 miles from me.
I suggested we meet for lunch, and she agreed, Long story short, we were married on the Greek island of Santorini and just celebrated our 17th anniversary.
Note: The chat room we were in has closed, but there is another site called Widowed Village that is similar.
 
StillLearning said:
Yes there’s no right or wrong way. I have to remember that and all the other suggestions. Thank you everyone. ❤️
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Hold on to that thought.

My husband died unexpectedly in April this year. He was scheduled to have a couple of skin cancers removed from his cheeks but had a stroke, followed by a heart attack, before he was even given an anaesthetic.

My daughter and I were able to be with him when he died and that was comforting.

I am very lucky to have my daughter, who is a nurse, because she is living with me and keeping an eye on me. She allowed me space to grieve. I am now in the process of returning to the world. I am able to celebrate our long time together and when I look around our house and garden, his presence is everywhere.

It has been very good for me in that when she moved in, she brought with her 5 pet hens and a cat. They take me out of myself and create daily chores that I need to take care of. They also make me laugh. If this had not happened, I think I would have benefited from adopting a kitten.

When you begin to laugh again, you will know that you are ready to move forward to the next stage of your life, a life that you must fashion for yourself.

I know that next March, our wedding anniversary, and next April, will be challenging but I am confident that I will find solace, remembering all that I had with my husband rather than lamenting all that has been lost.

Take care of yourself. Prepare to live the future that is now open to you.
Take all the time that you need. 🤗
 

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