Diary - from my cage

Damn. So much it seems you are fighting. But it sounds you realize that human connections make you happy. Sounds like the more you can connect with others the better you will be. I talked to my 35 yr old son today. He is struggling because he was fired from his job. He is very obese and lives along. His mom is close to him and has him a house to live in. He said he is going to to try welbutron. He actually does standup comedy.

I am in a hard place too, with my incontinence. It holds me back from doing so many things I used to do. I will pray for you tonite, Krasotkina. I pray for lots of family and friend each nite. But I guess its weird because I do not believe in any organized religion. I can tell you that exercise and prayer got me through the toughest times in my life. I guess I need to try that again. Keep talking to us. Telling us how you feel. Tell us about your home country and parents and siblings and job and education. It is good for you. Many of us here care.

steve

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Pepper said:
May I ask, what is your native language? Your name is Russian.
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dear @Pepper
sorry for my broken English, my native language is Serbo-Croatian, former Yugoslavia (eastern Europe) but I do speak Russian as well, and my name used here is from a Russian book (Brothers Karamazov, FM Dostoyevsky, there is a boy in one Chapter called Kosta Krasotkin :)). My real name is stupid, Slobodanka, but it has a nice translation, "free person". Thanks! And sorry for the late response, I will try to be more active!
 
George1959 said:
Wow! Only wow. This first entry into your electronic diary is a very tough one.

But you are writing it in a very descriptive and even - if I may say so - poetic way. Only someone who is very eloquent uses such words, even more since English is not your mother's tongue. And you've received the first like from Matrix, the owner and admin of this forum, what I fully understand.

"Ironic, right. I have time. When I was younger, I never had enough time, for my science, for music, movies, books. It was always less hours in a day, less days in a month... Now, I have all the time in the world and I am not reading, working, researching... What am I doing? Literarily nothing."

This indicates that you obviously are in a severe depression. You should get help, not only from psychiatrists. Could you meet people, neighbors etc.?

And you know that we are always here too.
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dear @George 1959
I am so sorry for the late reaction to your post and thanks for all your kind words, and support. You are right, I do suffer from depression and I am registered here in a local University Hospital as a patient, but I live in Germany and my knowledge of German language is poor, so this creates some issues with local doctors etc. But I am trying, and they are trying even more, and I am sure that doctors are giving me everything that they can. Thanks so much for your supprot and I promisse to be more active in Forum!
❤️🍀🪷
 

hollydolly said:
Well I can relate to much of this. I was a seriously abused child... right up until young adulthood... My mother killed herself when I was a teen leaving me to raise my siblings.. who had to watch while I was beaten amost on a daily basis by my father.. and eventualy by my brother through learned behaviour.. ....

I was first married to a chronic gambler...then to an alcoholic wife beater and cheater.. so I know... and I know how it affects us all and how it afects people differently.. and i'm sorry you feel it's affected you this way by abusing your own body .. and no-one who has't been through it can understand how this affects the mental health for the long term... but you needn't allow it to do that...that's the key.

You'll never erase the worst memories. 🤗 . but you can learn to not allow them to dictate your life...becase the fact is you ARE allowing and you are using it as an excuse for the life you have now..

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh it's not meant to but you know you need to wake up out of this ..you're still young at 58...you might not feel it, because you're so poorly but you are the master of your own situation, and it's not too late as an intelligent woman for you to realise you cannot punish your body like this..you cannot allow your mind to create uneccesary problems for you.. and you cannot do this to your children who want a mother.. a real active mum .... healthy

You need to cut the dependency with the husband if you know he's not right for you. .. you need to go a diet, you need to excercise, or you're going to end up in an early grave... and altho' you may not care what happens to you, you have 2 lives you brought into this world who deserve more from you..

I wish you better... for yourself and for your children ...but I do think you need someone to tell you what you need to know and not what you want to hear
From one survivor to another... don;t be a victim, be a survivor.. don't let your past dictate your future 🌷
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I have heard that empathy is practiced the best who have been hurt the most. You have a compassionate heart.
independ.jpeg
 
Well, @Krasotkina, you are off to a good start. You have connected with quite a few people on this forum already and found the beginnings of your support group. Don't let this valuable resource slip through your fingers. Keep posting and seek topics that interest you and give you joy.

Just a thought - if your German is a bit inadequate, why not ask the doctors to repeat things in English. You seem to have a good grasp of the rudiments of English.

PS If you have no idea what I just wrote, just ask, and I'll try to word my posts more simply.
 
Krasotkina said:
dear @George 1959
I am so sorry for the late reaction to your post and thanks for all your kind words, and support. You are right, I do suffer from depression and I am registered here in a local University Hospital as a patient, but I live in Germany and my knowledge of German language is poor, so this creates some issues with local doctors etc. But I am trying, and they are trying even more, and I am sure that doctors are giving me everything that they can. Thanks so much for your supprot and I promisse to be more active in Forum!
❤️🍀🪷
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Hi @Krasotkina and welcome, again. :)
You don't need to worry about being on top of everyone's posts or responding right away. The people here are very nice and supportive and, I promise, are not bothered about such things. Relax and enjoy their good company. Keep talking. - No Stress Zone. ;)
 
Krasotkina said:
dear @Pepper
sorry for my broken English, my native language is Serbo-Croatian, former Yugoslavia (eastern Europe) but I do speak Russian as well, and my name used here is from a Russian book (Brothers Karamazov, FM Dostoyevsky, there is a boy in one Chapter called Kosta Krasotkin :)). My real name is stupid, Slobodanka, but it has a nice translation, "free person". Thanks! And sorry for the late response, I will try to be more active!
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your written English is superb !
 
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