Did Your Parents Teach You Manners?

Ruthanne said:
My mother was very much into teaching manners. We had to excuse ourselves from the kitchen table after eating, had to say excuse me for this and that, had to behave right according to them. Sometimes I wonder if it really mattered but then I see so many kids who are outright not mannerly and it is appalling to me. What happened in your family? Do you agree with it?
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I've always had my own code of behaviour and manners. In fact my parents were often quite lacking and rude to people, so I followed my own way.
 

Judycat said:
No. My parents thought children are born knowing manners. If I did something stupid, they would call me stupid. That's all. I wish I were kidding. They should have never had children. Ah what can you do. :rolleyes:
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Very hard, I can understand. Not all parents were good role models.
 
US Supreme Court Judge, Clarence Thomas said : “Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.”

He is so right! It does not matter how modern we become the social graces will never fall out of fashion. It has to be taught from early childhood and retained during a lifetime.
 
Yes. I think it was pepper (who I meant to quote) who said 'dad was a gentleman and mum was a lady and taught by example'. My parents were like that too, as were their parents.
I remember saying 'please may I leave the table', we didn't have to but we did.

I suppose I led by example with my daughter, I didn't having to teach her - she just did.

I taught my daughter to write letters/phone and express her thanks for presents as we did. When she started at primary school in Reception Class, within the 2nd week it was her birthday and we arranged a party for her at the local hall with all her new classmates.
To this day I still have a photocopy of her childish writing thanking people for their presents and for coming to her party. :love:
 
We all know that you can learn bad versus good manners from the pages of Guideposts magazine as you wait at the doctor’s or dentist’s office, so don’t be a Goofus, but try to be like Gallant… 🙄

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You bet they did. I grew up curtsying to my elders till I was 5 years old. Among other things. We never stepped out of line lest a lecture was in our immediate future.
 
My Mum and Dad were very mannerly so I became so naturally. The only thing I specifically remember being taught was how to shake hands. That was from my dad and I still remember his example of offering a limp hand to shake and how strange that felt compared to a firm grip!

I think mannerly behavior is absorbed instinctively by children the same way language is learned, by being around people who model appropriate behavior.

I was born and raised in Australia, and there we didn’t use Sir and Ma’am. It was always Mr. Smith or Mrs.Jones. When I raised my own kids here in the US, they were taught Sir and Ma’am.

I also went to a private Catholic all-girls school, where etiquette was formally taught, and there I learned more nuanced behavior, things like the appropriate way to introduce people of differing ages.

Manners and respectful behavior are important to me so appropriate, mannerly behavior was instilled in my kids. And they remain well mannered to this day.
 
I think that some of the manners that I absorbed I manifested as a child due to fear of negative consequences if I failed to do so. If I failed to say “please” or “thank you” to others when out, I would reap a whirlwind later from my mother in private. This would usually take the form of scathing put-downs and reprimands, progressing perhaps to the “silent treatment“ as my behavior had reflected ill upon her.

Manners were kind of a one-way street for my narcissistic mother; she expected (or demanded) to be treated well, while not necessarily extending the same courtesy and respect to others. It was all about her, after all. Family members were treated the worst of all. External appearances to people on the outside mattered greatly, however, and the aura of respectability, harmony, and perfection had to be maintained…
 
My parents tried to beat manners into me. But eventually I came to understand they were racist, angry people, trying to make the best of the world they didn't understand.
 
Judycat said:
No. My parents thought children are born knowing manners. If I did something stupid, they would call me stupid. That's all. I wish I were kidding. They should have never had children. Ah what can you do. :rolleyes:
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Please tell me if you have children that you never called them stupid.

Many years ago we were baby sitting a 16-month-old while her mother was having another baby.The young father told me she was stupid, didn't talk and sometimes fell over her own feet. So we were getting ready to go somewhere, got all the kids presentable, and then was getting myself dressed to go. The little girl came in and said "we going someplace?", looked at her and told her yes we were going someplace. When her father came to get her I told him "if you want her to be stupid keep telling her she is stupid, and by the way she is talking ,you aren't listening!".
 
We had to say "may I be excused" from the table. We were not allowed to wear shoes in the house. Strangely I still follow this one.

We were complimented on a few times by check out people that we were polite. That was actually fear or deal with the consequences.

Then I also watched my mother treat service people like garbage because she thought she could get by with it.

It was all about control. I actually learned how to treat people more by knowing I didn't want to treat people like my mother did.
 

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