Discussing the different types of grief

Marie5656

Marie5656

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Location
Batavia, NY
I have a younger (in his 30's) former coworker who I am still occasionally in touch with. His mom died several years ago, and I think he sees me as a surrogate mom, who he can talk things over with.

His dad died last year. My parents have been gone for many years. So this young man called me often especially after the loss of his dad. He was asking me how I was doing since Rick died. He had met Rick a few times. So I was telling him how hard it was at first, but I was doing better. We then got on the topic of how people feel grief. I mentioned that the grief I felt after Rick died, was much different than after the loss of my parents, or the loss of my older brother (4 years ago). That this loss seems to have taken a more emotional toll on me, and it is taking much longer for me to come back from it. My friend could not directly relate, as he has never been married.
I just wondered if it was because the "love" for a spouse is different from that for a parent or sibling. Does this make sense? I just feel I am feeling this loss much more deeply.
I think I am moving on well, and am fine with how I am doing. But am I expressing myself well enough for any of you to weigh in?
 

i will be crushed if my partner dies before me. as much as i loved my parents a partner is different. you get addicted to the daily chats.im older and perhaps more vulnerable. losing my parents was a shared grief too. with my siblings.
 
I think the love of Parents is a lot different then the loss of a spouse.I lost both my parents and I think about them everyday. I wouldn't want to live a day without my husband. I wouldn't ever be able to get over that grief. I always pray that I go first.
 

i used to think it was sad to die young. Or before your partner i guess is what i mean..
but the partner left behind is the one who has to dig deep and face the challenges of life alone. I appreciate more and more how tough life can be for them.
 
i watched my father embarass himself by trying to get a girlfriend after Mum died. He looked like a needy child. The woman would have to take a motherly role. Still i might be the same if my wife dies first.
 
I've lost my parents and a couple of siblings and although that was very sad, I can't imagine how much worse it would be losing a spouse. We've been married over 40 years, and together longer than that. I don't think I would do well at all if I lost my husband, and knowing him, he would be devastated too. So far I can only imagine the difference in grief, going by what I've seen in other folks. My heart goes out to all here who have lost a spouse or partner.
 
also i think the happiest period of a marriage can be the later years. you appreciate each other more. and you make allowances for their iduosyncrasies. thats hard to replace.
 
sorry dont wish to derail but the death of a pet might be worth a mention here.
ive never owned a pet except the dog i have now. hes 11. his death will affect my wife and i profoundly. possibly because we are a childless couple.
 
I feel for you all who have lost their Husband/Wife/Partner and I have
to agree with Marie that the love of you "Other Half" has to be stronger,
you have lived together much longer than with your parents or siblings,
had children and built a life and a family for all of you.

So during that life you become as one and when he/she dies half of you
is missing, the half that knows what you mean when you try to explain
something or can hold you when you get worried or frightened.

Mike.
 
I lost both of my parents many years ago and my spouse just a few years ago. But, the loss of my spouse was much harder to endure than the loss of my parents. When my parents died, I had emotional support, etc. at home from my spouse. But, when my spouse died, my home is empty except my pet. It is entirely different!
 
I have lost a partner, son, and a pet (recently, though he was more attached to my partner). By far, the worst loss was my son, though it was harder to watch my partner. She had brain cancer. Tyson just dropped dead of comlications of diabetes. I say even my big toe misses him, and will till the day I die. He was 27, my middle son.

Sorry, on a rant here. I had a therapist that told me I was grieving too much. That it wasn't good for him. That I was keeping him from doing what he needs to do now. I never went back to see her, though she was a very kind lady.

Now I wonder if she was right. I personally think we should be allowed the levels of grief we feel. I have "silent scream" moments, alone.
I don't talk about him much, it seems to make people uncomfortable. (Though he's been gone for ten years) I feel terrible for his brothers, they have huge levels of grief themselves. We were all very close. It's been horrible for us. I will never be the same person I was. I think that was when I said to heck with the rest of the world. I lost my faith as well, and I miss it. And I'm still mad at that therapist.
 
My parents died in '96{dad}'03{mom] which was devestating ,my siblings&I helped each other get thru our grief.
It took me a bit longer to get over mom's death because being the only family member who still lives here,{my sibling live out of state} I would see a few of mom's friends at church or other functions.They always told me how much they missed her
A different type of grief is losing a close friend but as move on with our lives we never forget them,have fond memories of the times we spent together
 
Yes, I also think the death of a spouse/partner is different than that of parents/siblings. Your spouse is truly your other half. You join with them in your ceremony and are joined together throughout your life. If my husband dies before me, it will be like losing half of myself.

I totally think there are different types and levels of grief. The death of a child would be on a different level altogether.
 

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