Disturbing Phone Call

My friend told me last evening that his wife told him that she will break it off and that she still wants him in her life. He also said the therapist told him that if she tells you that she will break it off and there was no love involved, he recommends two things. One is that she tells him through a telephone call while he is listening to her tell him that she was weak and never loved him, that she was only looking for her feelings to be nurtured and validated and two; she has to change jobs.

My friend said that he is going to tell her these things this morning, but even if she agrees, he isn't sure he wants to stay with her. I told him to go slow and make sure he knows what he wants.
 

I hope he doesn't throw the baby out with the bath water! Forty-nine years of history is a lot to give up. To err is human; to forgive, divine...

And here's something that I just thought of...if she's been missing something in her marriage for 49 years and hasn't made her feelings--or lack thereof--known, she REALLY needs counseling. None of us are mind readers. He can't be expected to provide something if he has no idea that there's anything wrong.
 
Shirley said:
... Men, when was the last time you picked a flower for your wife? Try it. She will love you for it.
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The last time I did that I mistakenly picked poison oak and told her it reminded me of the green between her teeth.


... I'm divorced now ... :(
 

Oldman..the first thing you must do is tell your wife...she should be your main priority, friends come second.
If you keep mysteriously disappearing without explanation or are fibbing about where you are going,and she finds out, she may think you are up to something!!
I have been used as a sounding board in a similar situation...the couple eventually got back together and she told him what I had said about the situation, so in one foul swoop I lost both their friendships..

It can come back and bite you on the bum!!:(
 
Twixie is 100% correct. Listen by all means but don't take sides and don't say anything against either party. Don't break confidence by repeating anything that you have been told. If you can't do this, back out now if you value your friendships.
 
I found that after the person had told me so many intimate things about their lives together...when they got back together she were embarrassed at having confided in me..
I tried to be a good friend..she would ring me up sobbing at 3 am..I listened to her...

You must be beware...:(
 
As the old saying goes "The heart is a lonely hunter" ... and I really don't think "age" has that much to do with anything. I am sorry for everyone in this situation...including the predicament YOU are in, OM ... Just please DO tell your wife... YOU also need support now!... not just your friend.
As far as 'why would anybody want to throw away 49 years of marriage'... who knows...and who can REALLY judge... no one should. None of us, besides OM, really knows the people involved. I agree that he SHOULD get counseling and NO (agree with SiFuPhil--NOT a preacher or priest!)... but an objective non-attached to the situation, counselor/therapist.
Basically, OM, you need to take care of YOU...and don't think its 'selfish' to think that way. It is NOT your problem and you have got to remember this (yes, I can hear all the arguments :) ) .... do what you can as long as you can. Just remember you can't help anyone if you jump into the drowning pool. I wish you ALL the best. Please tell your wife.
 
Twixie said:
I found that after the person had told me so many intimate things about their lives together...when they got back together she were embarrassed at having confided in me..
I tried to be a good friend..she would ring me up sobbing at 3 am..I listened to her...

You must be beware...:(
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Exactly , I have had the same thing happen...never again!!
 
For anyone that was following this topic, I just wanted to let all of you know that my friend has filed and served his wife with divorce papers yesterday. He also has asked he to leave the house by the weekend.
 
Thanks for the update oldman, your friend knows best what decisions must be made for him. I hope he can find some peace, and maybe another lady friend to help him over the hurt. Wishing him the best, and he's lucky to have a friend like you.
 
I only just saw this new development today. Can't blame him for kicking her to the curb, so to speak. If she felt "unfulfilled" for whatever reason and wanted something "more", she should have left the marriage before taking up with someone else. I, too, hope that he finds some peace and is able to get past the hurt.
 

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