Divorce Wasn’t Common Then

Jules

Jules

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Back in the 50s or 60s divorce was rare. Was anyone else from a divorced or separated family, especially back then?

By the 80s it was common and nowadays it seems like marriage is less likely to happen.

It was just something that I accepted as a child. With my first marriage, I realized that having my children in a very unpleasant setting was worse than a bit of stigma re divorce.
 

Jules said:
Back in the 50s or 60s divorce was rare. Was anyone else from a divorced or separated family, especially back then?
By the 80s it was common and nowadays it seems like marriage is less likely to happen.
It was just something that I accepted as a child. With my first marriage, I realized that having my children in a very unpleasant setting was worse than a bit of stigma re divorce.
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You may find this interesting, Quote:
"English “Kinsey” Report: Love Without Shame Is New, Healthier Thinking in Britain

"How do American women compare with their British cousins in sexual behavior?"

Writer Lester David asks and answers this question with his summary of the "English Kinsey report" in the August issue of Coronet. The report on sexual behavior in England is the result of a four-year study conducted by Dr. Eustace Chesser.


Method Differs

Dr. Chesser, a psychologist, did not follow the Kinsey method of face-to-face interviews. He sent out written questionnaires, of which 6,251 were completed. His conclusions were based on these.

The British psychologist, unlike Kinsey, covered more thoroughly the effects of family and marriage relationships, religion in the home and parental control. Kinsey's study emphasized the biological side of sex life.

On the whole the trend in Britain parallels that in the U.S., Chesser found. A London newspaper sums up one of Chesser's most significant findings:

"Love without shame is the essense of new and healthier thinking which is developing slowly in Britain."

In the U.S., Kinsey found that almost 50 percent of the 5,940 women studied had had sexual intercourse before marriage, with their finances or other men. In England, while only 19 percent of women born before 1904 admitted to premarital experience, with those born after 1934 the proportion is up to 60 percent.

More Regrets

But there is a difference in attitude. Of American women, with premarital experience, only about 12 percent expressed "minor feelings of remorse." Around 35-42 percent of their British counterparts felt regret.

By the time they reached 40, Kinsey found, 26 percent of married women had committed adultery.

Cresser didn't ask this question of his subjects, but he did ask how many of the married women sometimes wanted a man other than their husbands. One out of every two women admitted they did get tired of monogamy.

One of Kinsey's biggest surprises was that the average American women reaches the peak of her sexual desires in her late 20's—almost a decade later than the male. In her 50's and 60's she is still going strong, while the male has gone downhill. But with English women, Chesser found there is "a steady fall from one age to the next."

Rich Pet More

Up to 95 percent of British women have petted by the time they are 18, Chesser found—and there is more petting among the well-to-do than among the daughters of unskilled laborers. Foreign observers "are amazed at the open display of love-making" in public places.

Do women prefer chaste husbands? Here there was a great difference between Americans and British. Only one out of four U.S. women wanted to marry an inexperienced husband. With the "exceptionally happy" and "very happy" English wives, the proportion was just reversed: three out of four wanted their husbands "innocent."

What do English single women look for in husbands? Forty percent looked for physical strength. Twenty percent, for sexual strength.

"The vast majority," for a warm and affectionate nature, understanding and interest in children. Only three percent, for good looks.

What is the best guarantee of a happy marriage in England? Happily married parents, Chesser found."

http://www.hawaii.edu/uhwo/clear/Ho...ame Is New Healthier Thinking in Britain.html
 
During the war, my father was in the Middle East. When he returned home, he found that his wife had become involved with an American soldier while he was away. He divorced her. This was something which happened to many married couples at that time.
There used to be a certain stigma attached to being divorced, as though it was a sign of failure. Couples tended to stick together just for the sake of appearance, or for practical reasons.
These days, it's much easier for a single mother to survive and so more couples split up, which is surely much better for everyone concerned.
 

I think the contraceptive pill had a lot to do with the rise in divorce statistics at that time, giving women their freedom, no longer tied down with big families and being able to work, they gained independence financially and realised they didn’t have to put up with the treatment many of their mothers did, my own included, having three children and financially dependent on my father
 
My parents divorced in 1963 when I was nine. It made sense to me and was not a problem but it did change our standard of living. I remember moving to a sketchy $75.00/month apartment and being broke most of the time. We were fortunate that we lived close enough to my grandmother so we could be dropped off by the bus after school and walk home when our mother got off work.

I remember my mother had to fly out of state and meet a three-day residency requirement in order to get a no-fault/uncontested quickie divorce. In October of 2010, New York became the last of the 50 states to enact legislation allowing for no-fault divorce.:(

My mother remarried a couple of years later and that was much more difficult for me than being a divorced/latchkey kid.

Every kid needs to know that no matter how difficult life is things can and usually do get better as we get older.

At least that was the case for me and I'm thankful for the way things turned out. :)
 
My parents weren’t divorced but life would have been a lot less hostile if they were. They argued and played head games constantly. My mom said if there were birth control pills at the time we were conceived , she would have taken them however it was a blessing to be latch key kids. There’s a silver lining to every problem and that was it.
 
Divorce was not only rare when I was a child, it was, as we were taught in our catholic school, immoral, abandonment of children and totally against God's will. All divorcees will go to hell, probably in the same hand cart as the rest of us.

Divorce never touched me, it was hardly likely to. My Mother died aged just 33, leaving my Father with four children to raise alone. The authorities did all they could to put us into care and then up for adoption but my Father fought them hard, and won.

It would be fair to say that I grew up with a chip on my shoulder, a poor little me chip. At the time I didn't realise that but later, as I got older, I started to meet young adults of my age that were from single parent homes, their parents had divorced. One young lady put me wise. I had probably told her about my mother's death in a way that she was able to read how I felt sorry for myself.

After quite a long chat I came to see that I have a kind of closure, my mother is dead, brutal though that is, it's final. Children of divorcees live with the fallout, learn to cope. This young lady had experienced her mother's boyfriend trying to get his hand up her skirt. She did me a power of good, made me realise that mother's spirit is still alive, she lives within me. Since then, I talk to my Mother, just thoughts, in my head. I never forgot that young lady, or her therapeutic words. I even had a sense of guilt that her pain had been my therapy.
 
It is a rather odd thing to say marriage vows that include "let no man tear asunder", "in sickness and health", and "unto death do us part" ... and then say "not really" or "I didn't REALLY mean all that" as a divorce commences. The part that I think should be changed is the vows portion. There can be practical reasons to get a divorce and for each situation it is different and difficult for us, on the outside looking in, to judge. So maybe the vows should be something along the lines of "we will give it our best effort...". :)

Tony
 
tbeltrans said:
It is a rather odd thing to say marriage vows that include "let no man tear asunder", "in sickness and health", and "unto death do us part" ... and then say "not really" or "I didn't REALLY mean all that" as a divorce commences. The part that I think should be changed is the vows portion. There can be practical reasons to get a divorce and for each situation it is different and difficult for us, on the outside looking in, to judge. So maybe the vows should be something along the lines of "we will give it our best effort...". :)

Tony
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My daughter and son-in-law wrote their own vows, which many couples seem to do today. Daughter also kept her maiden name. Different times ...
 
tbeltrans said:
It is a rather odd thing to say marriage vows that include "let no man tear asunder", "in sickness and health", and "unto death do us part" ... and then say "not really" or "I didn't REALLY mean all that" as a divorce commences. The part that I think should be changed is the vows portion. There can be practical reasons to get a divorce and for each situation it is different and difficult for us, on the outside looking in, to judge. So maybe the vows should be something along the lines of "we will give it our best effort...". :)

Tony
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It seems reasonable to me.

We've lowered our standards on so many other things why not marriage.

Maybe a 7-year license with an option to renew/renegotiate. ;)
 
In the 40's, my mother's husband at the time (not my father), allowed her to leave, but would not give her a divorce. He also allowed her to only take the 2 girls, and leave the 2 boys with him. She later met my father, and they had me and my brother. They finally had a civil ceremony at City Hall in the late 70's. I don't know why they waited that long, but knew it was important to my mother especially.
 
Looking through my genealogy, I have an ancestor (great, great great grandmother), who left her husband in the 1840s. Shd moved West and took her kids. She did get a divorce. I think the man filed for it based on abandonment. What I found interesting is that she remarried, but the date of her remarriage was before her divorce date.
 
Aunt Bea said:
It seems reasonable to me.

We've lowered our standards on so many other things why not marriage.

Maybe a 7-year license with an option to renew/renegotiate. ;)
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My wife and I were each divorced when we met. We were friends for a couple of years before we started dating and we didn't live together before we were married. I can't speak to my wife's first marriage since I never asked and it is none of my business. As for me, I was a mess when I got back from Vietnam. Back then, we didn't know what the problems were. We just got tossed into civilian life to fend for ourselves. It took several years before I could start putting my life back together and I should have never gotten married.

It wasn't until the military started coming back from the Middle East that we started hearing in the media all about their struggles, and those of us who were in Vietnam started understanding what had happened to us. By then, my life was quite settled though. I wish we had known about these things back when we came home instead of being ostracized by the country for having been in Vietnam.

So many people, when talking about a divorce will put it all on the other person. I have seen it clearly as my fault for quite some time and am truly sorry to have put my first wife through that. I do think there are times when divorce is a necessity, and I think my first wife was completely right and sensible in doing so. This is why I don't feel I can judge somebody else.

Tony
 
As a child of divorce, the thing that bothered me most was the different last name when my mother remarried. Back then people didn’t use an AKA. It would have been so much easier if they had. Two of my granddaughters used my daughter’s second husband’s name. They still call him dad even though that marriage ended several years ago. Too bad their mother didn’t do a name change when she married him. They’re thinking of doing it now.
 
Marriage is Never easy....it requires some effort, by Both members, to succeed and last. Today, almost half the marriages end in divorce. This often causes problems for any children the couple might have, and usually affects both of them financially.

Even though my wife and I are both Bull Headed Germans, we learned a long time ago to let the crap go in one ear, and out the other. So far, that has worked well for nearly 56 years.
 
In my previous post, I forgot to add that my wife and I have been together almost 38 years. She has had many health issues, involving many stays in the hospital and many surgeries. Tomorrow, we are leaving to go to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN (about 90 miles south of us) for her to consult with doctors there about yet another surgery.

I have been learning over the years how to be her caretaker, which has included learning from the nurse that would visit her at home to change dressings and drainage bulbs, how to do it myself so the nurse didn't have to be there.

So we have been living up to our vows, have no plans to stop doing that.

Tony
 
Keesha said:
Whoa! Thats a tough one. 😵 Your poor husband. What a head trip that must have been. School must have been fun. 😧
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The two couples did not live in the same house, although fairly close. Plus everyone moved across the country (from Montana to North Carolina), which did help, since no one knew them. I think the move was very traumatic, plus adding new step-sisters and brothers.
 
Jules said:
Back in the 50s or 60s divorce was rare. Was anyone else from a divorced or separated family, especially back then?

By the 80s it was common and nowadays it seems like marriage is less likely to happen.

It was just something that I accepted as a child. With my first marriage, I realized that having my children in a very unpleasant setting was worse than a bit of stigma re divorce.
Click to expand...
Marriage and relationships have become disposable, just like everything in our world today.

I often use the saying... "nothing means nothing anymore", and I firmly believe it.
 

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