Do divorced men make better husbands second time around?

Nathan said:
People put their "best foot forward" in a courting situation, then later they let their hair down after the knot is tied(gee, I'm full of idoms today).

I often reflect on the situation with my ex...I quickly learned after our marriage who she really was. I would not have marriaged her had I known.
That's why with my current marriage(19-1/2 yrs) we courted 3 years before I proposed. That way we got to know each other, and could then make a prudent decision.
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While there's some truth in the best behavior while courting idea, sometimes it may not be a conscious, deliberate thing--the shift in behavior post nuptials. Sometimes it can be that people slip into what they view, likely due to cultural and/or familial input, as their spousal 'role', whatever that means to them.

This can be particularly problematic if their concepts of husband and wife roles differ greatly, and they've never talked about their expectations.Both may feel they were mislead.
 
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Jeni said:
Think Nathan is spot on ..... most of the issue i have seen with people i knew with multiple marriages under their belts is they chose the same type as the last one and expect different results
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Agreed!
Trick is figuring out that determining factor. My 3 husbands were all very different on the surface, but had an underlying appeal. After third marriage ended i was determined to figure it out, so as not to repeat my mistake.

By the time i did, the odds of a woman my age finding a suitable partner were about the same as getting struck by lightning but fortuitously my physiology had changed enough i had no strong desire to find a partner, be coupled again.
 

My criteria this time is that they have the same religious beliefs, no addictions and are financially stable. Then let’s see where it goes. I’ve had the habit of picking the wrong guys. Also prefer someone in my age range, def. Not much younger. People say I have too high of standards. I just think I know who I am now. I’d rather be alone than be unhappy in the wrong relationship.
 
Nathan wrote{
"Here's a suggestion for those gals that always get hooked up with a guy who's full of bs: Keep looking! There's about 3.9 billion males in the world, some are too young, some are too old but chances are pretty good that a lady could find 2 or 3 million to choose from."
MarciKS said:
no offense but i highly doubt that.
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More likely 2 0r 3 thousand you think? :whistle::unsure:
 
Jan14 said:
My criteria this time is that they have the same religious beliefs, no addictions and are financially stable. Then let’s see where it goes. I’ve had the habit of picking the wrong guys. Also prefer someone in my age range, def. Not much younger. People say I have too high of standards. I just think I know who I am now. I’d rather be alone than be unhappy in the wrong relationship.
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If you take a look at the paintings Picasso made of his partners/lovers you see all kinds of weird looking shapes or contortions of the faces dont you, of course all are interpretations of their character, or if not that then the style of painting Picasso was following at that period in his life, rather than whether they looked anything like the woman depicted.

I mention this only because it reminds me of an explanation I once saw of what made one woman's relationship with her husband/partner work, and she described it thusly, she said "the rocks in my head fit the holes in his, and vice versa".

I've a female friend I've mentioned here a few times, who is a very good hearted, sensible professional lady but unfortunately "the rocks in her head dont fit the holes in mine"!

As an example of this difficulty she told once again me yesterday, that something I'd done when visiting her home in the south of England had lead to the guy who used to fix her car, or do other odd jobs for her, to now refuse to have anything to do with her. This guy maybe does feel jealous, (or something like that), because I do stay at my friends house when I visit my old county, but he's behaving in a ridiculous fashion because the lady has told him repeatedly she's not interested in him when he's "tried it on", (if you see what I man).

The rock in my friends head is her willingness to apply all the blame to myself for her not getting things fixed by this man for next to nothing, rather than consider whether she should have been using the man in the first place, or taking advantage of him, given he's not taken no for an answer a few times already. I'm afraid expecting me to take blame for something like this just wont do for me, not least because its intellectually bereft on her part, I cant be expected to know what every other guy she knows might think or do, and skirt around it, but she wont listen, and whilst she's not listening over this argument, I could just mention she didn't listen to the guy when he told her to make a few necessary repairs to her car to prevent the faults causing trouble, and now she's ruined the engine and had to purchase anther car.
 
Jules said:
Many people who marry young change as they age. They just grow apart. There’s a good chance they can find someone more like themselves the second time around.
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The counter argument is that a couple should grow together, so not expect to have it all sorted from the start, but lets face it, if all you've done is had "failed relationships" what can you claim to know, ...., (speaking for myself there).
 
The OP's question begs the question ... Do divorced women make better wives the second time around ?

Well, I really do not know ....... What i do know is, after the divorce [sometimes during] they come with their kids , and in my experience , expect the new guy to ride in on his white horse and make it all better. Give up his 💰 his time [free time] , and work hiis ass off to make a home for the other guys children. And provide a great life for his kids & her.

Which is why I don't know really ....... because each time I was confronted with such an actuality ..... I thought ..... hell no, I'm not jumping from that pan into the fire.

As such, I have been single and happy all these years [50+] .... Second time around would I have made a better husband ? Don't know ...... do I ? ...<grin>
 
I would be a terrible husband if I married again. When I was married I gave up way to much of myself trying to be the perfect husband, provider and father. While I have no regrets for the life I gave my kids I have immense regrets for all I did for my ex. I won't do that to myself again, I will not sacrifice myself for the benefit of another. I'm happy being selfish and single.
 
Pepper said:
What did she want to be?
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This is the truth ....... She wanted to remain moma's girl & a career woman in education.

I'd like to also add ...... She stuck with education, teacher/principal , and I'll also add she was a good one .... a very good one, that actually cared about her students.

I hold no regrets toward her ... all of our problems were mommy related . Even though she pulled [I'm sure at her mothers behest] all of our money out of the bank [we had a nice nest egg] If she needed help ? she'd get it.
 

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