Do divorced men make better husbands second time around?

oldaunt said:
Nope. Those who are basically honest.
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I am being perfectly honest ..... And yet you keep accusing me of sommething less. You continue to accuse me of saying what I did not, and of doing what I did not. Some of your responses read like you think were there.
 
Why is it that men and women think of marriage as housekeeping and chores, cooking?
What happened to love, desiring to be with the other, desiring intimacy, passion,
experiences together, stimulating and exciting each other, mentally, physically, emotionally?
Everything else should be secondary, shouldn't it? You do things to please each other
and help each other because you love them so much.
I was crazy about my second husband and couldn't wait to get home to be with him!
We had fun together! Isn't that what life should be? (the expansion of happiness?)
Of course you cook and keep the home clean and neat but enjoying each other
is the main objective! Right?
 
rgp said:
"Wow, You say, "We were going to be a 'normal' married couple"...so your definition of 'normal' is for the wife to be a traditional "housewife"? REALLY?"

In a nutshell yes . 50 years ago, this was not an unreasonable belief/assumption. It was pretty much the way things were done . Fast foward to today .... maybe not so much.

But there I go again .... questioning your superiority in all things ..... please forgive ..... if i am worthy ?
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Take a breath and calm down....but I have been married for more than 50 years, and my wife had no desire to be a 'normal housewife'! That's part of why I married her. So, no, your normal does not work for me, but to each his own. I will add no more...
 
Pepper, I do not disagree, but both were wrong, and I was surprised they were not taken off the forum. But the guy that you are referring to I have already blocked, so replying to him is not possible for me.... he doesn't exist anymore on my Forum. Otherwise, I would have made a comment to him also...
 
palides2021 said:
It's so hard to generalize female/male relationships because, as others have said, we are all individuals. We come with our unique baggage, our traumas, our achievements, our hurts, and our wants into a relationship. I think @Nathan did the right thing in his second marriage of dating/courting for several years before marrying again. I think in order for a marriage to work, there needs to be love, and above all, we need to communicate, communicate, communicate. Get to know the other person well before marrying. I'd rather have a companion at this stage in my life than a husband, because a "looser" relationship fits me well. I am free to come and go, and can pick and choose times and days to meet. I've been single 9 years now (since my husband's death) and although, have felt lonely many times, I've gotten used to being my own friend. I honestly don't have a companion. but have many friends that fill the gaps. No one has been able to replace my late husband, unfortunately.
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Such a sour sequence of postings with @palides2021 single well considered response above.
 
Judycat said:
Haha. I really said guys who do what was mentioned in another post were dickheads, then some dickhead tried to wind me up by saying all women were ****s. I should have said just some guys are dickheads though.
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I used to sell T-shirts with the dickhead motif. They had stick figures of men, like a Dick & Jane reference. One shirt had about 4 or 5 Dicks wearing galoshes and looking into the ocean on a beach & the saying was "Smart Dicks wear rubbers when they know they're gonna get wet." I had others but that one I remember.
 
Timewise 60+ said:
Pepper, I do not disagree, but both were wrong, and I was surprised they were not taken off the forum. But the guy that you are referring to I have already blocked, so replying to him is not possible for me.... he doesn't exist anymore on my Forum. Otherwise, I would have made a comment to him also...
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I did the same, just took me a bit to figure out how.
 
Come on folks, we get emotional especially as of late but we are better then this because "We Are Family".

Now let's get in the groove...........................


Now isn't that better?

We are family......................................................................Why?....................................Because nobody can tear us apart...We are family...............
 
oldaunt said:
Like I said. Honest. Try it sometime, and maybe go back and read what was ACTUALLY said.....
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I know what was said by me ...... I said it. .... Are you trying once again to put words in my mouth ? There was nothing I stated that was not honest.
 
Gaer said:
Why is it that men and women think of marriage as housekeeping and chores, cooking?
What happened to love, desiring to be with the other, desiring intimacy, passion,
experiences together, stimulating and exciting each other, mentally, physically, emotionally?
Everything else should be secondary, shouldn't it? You do things to please each other
and help each other because you love them so much.
I was crazy about my second husband and couldn't wait to get home to be with him!
We had fun together! Isn't that what life should be? (the expansion of happiness?)
Of course you cook and keep the home clean and neat but enjoying each other
is the main objective! Right?
Click to expand...

You are exactly right Gaer. ....... but as I said early on, when I worked two jobs [2-3 evenings] on my second , I did not feel like driving about 7 miles [one way] to her mothers to get a decent meal ....[or eat carry-out crap] of course mine was warmed-up , as the others ate earlier. Then we'd go home separate cars, I'd take a shower, come out & she was asleep on the couch ...... not much togetherness there.

I was expected to cut her mother's grass ..... due to her father's emphysema, my only off day was Sunday ....... I was expected to go to this or that relative's house to repair ?? We went on vacation to Fla, her mom & dad invited themselves ........ I wanted a week alone with my [almost new] wife. I found out that her mother & G/mother were doing our cleaning ..... something I thought we should do together Sat-nite or Sun-morning . The things I noted just kept [eatng] away at the emotions we once had. It just kept adding up, and I got my fill ....... so goodbye.

I have only been trying to honestly explain my position, that seems to have fallen on deaf ears, but as i said , I have been divorced for 50 years , and have [still am] happy.
 
rgp said:
You are exactly right Gaer. ....... but as I said early on, when I worked two jobs [2-3 evenings] on my second , I did not feel like driving about 7 miles [one way] to her mothers to get a decent meal ....[or eat carry-out crap] of course mine was warmed-up , as the others ate earlier. Then we'd go home separate cars, I'd take a shower, come out & she was asleep on the couch ...... not much togetherness there.

I was expected to cut her mother's grass ..... due to her father's emphysema, my only off day was Sunday ....... I was expected to go to this or that relative's house to repair ?? We went on vacation to Fla, her mom & dad invited themselves ........ I wanted a week alone with my [almost new] wife. I found out that her mother & G/mother were doing our cleaning ..... something I thought we should do together Sat-nite or Sun-morning . The things I noted just kept [eatng] away at the emotions we once had. It just kept adding up, and I got my fill ....... so goodbye.

I have only been trying to honestly explain my position, that seems to have fallen on deaf ears, but as i said , I have been divorced for 50 years , and have [still am] happy.
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Sorry you had to go through all that. it's over now. It was nice that you opened up to all of us and got those feelings out of your system.
We got to know more about you.
Most of my posts are mocked, demeaned, ridiculed. Just let it go.
I was just trying to say, (and hardly anyone understands me) that marriage should be about love and cherishing each other. All the rest will fall into place if the relationship is right. It seems this whole thread was about physical tasks as cleaning, cooking; nothing about love or enjoying
each other. Isn't that the whole point of marriage?
My first marriage was bad too. Guess we have to put it in the past. Forget it and enjoy each new day.
Sure glad you're happy now though!
 
Gaer said:
Sorry you had to go through all that. it's over now. It was nice that you opened up to all of us and got those feelings out of your system.
We got to know more about you.
Most of my posts are mocked, demeaned, ridiculed. Just let it go.
I was just trying to say, (and hardly anyone understands me) that marriage should be about love and cherishing each other. All the rest will fall into place if the relationship is right. It seems this whole thread was about physical tasks as cleaning, cooking; nothing about love or enjoying
each other. Isn't that the whole point of marriage?
My first marriage was bad too. Guess we have to put it in the past. Forget it and enjoy each new day.
Sure glad you're happy now though!
Click to expand...

Again I agree ..... perhaps I never was "in" love ? Not even sure I beliveve in that any longer ? But I do not believe that two people [a couple] can't even experience that if / when, there are so many "outside" negative influences constantly interfereing .

I think perhaps ? the bottom ine for my ex & I is that we were never meant for each other ??

I never tried again due to , [as I said] somewhere in here , that it seemed the women I met all had a number of kids, and I just wasn't going to be a stepdad to them ..... just never felt the desire to do so.
 
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Gaer said:
Sorry you had to go through all that. it's over now. It was nice that you opened up to all of us and got those feelings out of your system.
We got to know more about you.
Most of my posts are mocked, demeaned, ridiculed. Just let it go.
I was just trying to say, (and hardly anyone understands me) that marriage should be about love and cherishing each other. All the rest will fall into place if the relationship is right. It seems this whole thread was about physical tasks as cleaning, cooking; nothing about love or enjoying
each other. Isn't that the whole point of marriage?
My first marriage was bad too. Guess we have to put it in the past. Forget it and enjoy each new day.
Sure glad you're happy now though!
Click to expand...

Gaer, know this, in case you haven't noticed you are greatly respected and more so revered by a very very very large majority of SF members "In good standing" here if you get my meaning. I have been here a very short time considering the majority of the membership here and I notice when a member "In good standing" gives props to some types of members here who are notably aggressive, racist, homophobic, anti-Semetic and hostile in nature you like many other "Members in good standing" become the target of the minorities derision. That is your right just as we possess the right not to vote. I've learned to tolerate everyone even the intolerant. GOD Bless and just keep doing what you do best.
 
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