Do memories or photos that should make you happy, make you sad instead?

Ruth n Jersey

Ruth n Jersey

Well-known Member
Location
Northern New Jersey
I have a terrible time with this. I had the most wonderful childhood that you could ever imagine. When I look back at my old photos or something jars a memory from long ago I get so sad. Does anyone else have this happen? I am grateful for having a good husband and we have great kids who have never given us any problems and now I have Grandsons who are a joy, but I would like to enjoy my photos and memories also. This past Thanksgiving I was filling a bowl with nuts that belonged to my Grandmother. She used it for the same purpose. I could actually see her filling it. Even as I write this, tears come to my eyes. It's just strange to feel happiness and sadness at the same time. I just want to enjoy my memories without having a major meltdown. At the age of 71 you would think I'd be able to handle it better.
 

I think that's the true meaning of bittersweet there. The pictures from our wedding do that to me. I mean we were so young and so happy. The reception was a blast. So many fun memories...a bunch of male friends who cut the rug with everyone they could, who got busted in the parking lot, who danced till dawn, the big Italian buffet, a flaming cherries jubilee presentation...or honeymoon in New Orleans.

Hubby is now a shadow of himself, don't recognize myself anymore sometimes. So many people in those pictures are long gone. That was 1988. My brother's wedding was 1972 and so very many more people gone from then. I guess the secret is to time travel into the picture. Try not to see it as what you lost but rather how beautiful it was what you had. Some folks don't get to keep such lovely memories<<<Hugs>>>
 
It used to bother me, now I welcome the visits from the dear old souls that raised me.

The only thing that bothers me now is that the little pictures and mementos that I treasure and keep safe have no meaning to anyone else.

Please take the time to write the names of the people on the back of photos and a little description of the events being captured.
 

I know what you mean Ruth, I always get a little sad and sometimes teary looking at old photo albums of my family. I think part of it is that so many have already passed on, some way before their time. My childhood was good, parents and family loving, like Fur said, kind of bittersweet.....hugs.
 
A very good point about writing on the back of special photographs. I would say you might find the most sentimental young person in the family and pass a scrapbook along. My mother in law passed on with zillions of unidentified pictures stored in boxes. The storage boxes were deteriorating and I didn't want to just store up a bunch of photos with no meaning.

It took weeks, even the pictures marked could be confusing. " Frank, Nunzio, and Carmine- Newark New Jersey" then next one would be " Frank, Nunzio, and Carmine- Seaside Heights New Jersey". But they weren't my father in law and his brothers in the second shot. I guess those were some popular names back in the day.

I finally got to sorting absolutely clear pictures and portraits. If my husband knew exactly who they were they got saved. The relations he was fuzzy about got trashed. My oldest son gets the box I kept then it's up to him to pass the history to his boy. I've gotten to writing even on the bottom of knick-knacks. But you know our kids put different meaning on their memories.
 
I think about my Mom a lot, but I don't feel that sadness that includes tears. I still miss her. When it comes to my husband's pictures, some do make me cry. Not sure if I'll ever totally get passed that but at least my thoughts are positive. I have a plastic horse that belonged to my step-son--found it on the attic a couple years ago. He loved horses, it saddens me when I look at it. He passed away in 2009.

Do these feelings seem to bother you more around the holidays? I think I am more sensitive. It's hard not to recall family being together without feeling somewhat sad that they are no longer with us. If you notice more intensity and sensitivity, maybe you should discuss it with your doc, could it be depression maybe?

On the other hand, it is nice to have some things to remind us of them all. Before my neighbor (and friend) developed ALS, she split one of her perennials (Jacobs Tears) I have planted in my backyard. I have an ornamental quince from my MIL, and three hollies (one) that belonged to my husband before we were married. When I'm in the yard, of course I think of them.
 
My estranged girls and I had to get rid of them all, the photographs. I remember the girls in those pictures. From infant on up, I was there dangnabbit. I remember how beautiful you both were in your own way. I could remember the drama queen and Tiny Dancer. Your sister was over-shadowed by you of course. But you could have been Broadway and she a graduate school profession.

So sorry you chose your white trash aunt as your "real" mother. See how far that takes you. Oh and the pics of both of you as kids? Anything of value I own? All that crap is long gone. You can go now. Thank you for letting me share.
 
Ruth n Jersey said:
I have a terrible time with this. I had the most wonderful childhood that you could ever imagine. When I look back at my old photos or something jars a memory from long ago I get so sad. Does anyone else have this happen? I am grateful for having a good husband and we have great kids who have never given us any problems and now I have Grandsons who are a joy, but I would like to enjoy my photos and memories also. This past Thanksgiving I was filling a bowl with nuts that belonged to my Grandmother. She used it for the same purpose. I could actually see her filling it. Even as I write this, tears come to my eyes. It's just strange to feel happiness and sadness at the same time. I just want to enjoy my memories without having a major meltdown. At the age of 71 you would think I'd be able to handle it better.
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I'm the same as you, Ruth.

Reflecting on my baby and early childhood photo albums never fails to remind me as to how fast the years have gone by, and there's no getting them back.

I, too, have things my mom passed down to me, and I find it to be a bitter-sweet time for me whenever I use those things.

I was gifted with a most incredible mind (not trying to toot my own horn or turn my lights on), just that I can remember back to when I was a baby, and everything leading up to now, and all so vividly, and just knowing how short life is and what short amount of time we are here, always seems to have a melancholy way with me.
 
Everything to do with the past makes me sad. The older I get, I understand why poet Carl Sandburg said "the past is a bucket of ashes" and the (Chinese, I think) saying, "No one steps in the same river twice." The past and whatever good things might have happened back then are gone forever. (People say "well, at least you've always got your memories of those times or those people." Guess they haven't heard of Alzheimers or other memory-robbing dementias?)
 
When I look at old photographs, there are two ways I can go. One is to miss whatever it was that's gone. The other is to be thankful I had and remember whatever experience the photo represents and move on. Most times I choose the latter emotion. A few put me in tears, which is cathartic and helps me get over the sadness.
 
I cry a lot when I look at old pictures, especially if a loved one is in it that no longer is alive.
 

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