I once talked about my regrets to a psychiatrist and she, sounding shocked, said, "You sound like wish you could live your life over!" Well duh. I only saw her once.
My first marriage lasted ten years and my regrets started the first night. I regret not seeing the red flags, but I don't regret sticking it out for ten years because he gave me my son and was, and still is, a good father to my son. He was not physically abusive, he just didn't touch me or talk to me at all, once he had achieved his objective by getting me pregnant (at the two month spot.)
So life was peaceful and we had no fights (you have to talk to fight.) In spite of all that, I regret asking for a divorce because it hurt my son much more than I had been led to believe by the conventional wisdom of the time.
Problem is, I never had anyone in MY corner if I had said I wanted to go to graduate school - not even my own lawyers were in MY corner.
By the third day of our marriage I had used up all my savings and was left with one penny in my wallet. That one penny was all that remained there for the next ten years. I worked, jobs he found for me, but he would show up on pay day and I would sign the back of the check and never see any of it.
So getting money together for a divorce was a problem. I sold a musical instrument I had brought to the marriage and so had enough for a deposit on an apartment that was walking distance from our home. I had no car or furniture. The plan was joint custody.
The husband told me he had found a lawyer who would work for both of us and arrange the joint custody, I wasn't asking for alimony or child support. So I gave the lawyer, "my half" of the costs. On the day of the divorce I realized he was only working for my husband and I sat stunned as I heard the judge dissolve the marriage and give full custody of my son to the man.
I was out of everything including money to fight the situation.
