Do Overs - And how often do you think about them?

Izi...you give us limited information. But from what little you offer, I can say you should be seeking help from someone who is qualified to talk with you and offer some support. You have to do the work to move beyond where you are...but you cannot do it alone...
 

izi said:
and from a "little" information you are able to offer advice as to what should i do?

hey, is being born and this life ending in old age and death not a misery? Is it full of pleasure and joy?

saying and seeing the things as they are. neither positive nor negative.

about "cannot do it alone"?: what is there to do? alone is not bad -- alone you come, alone you go.

thank you my friend as -- you mean well. and you care! a rarity these days. :)
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Both of your posts suggest that if you found someone qualified to talk with you about your outlook, you very well might find a better life perspective. I did and it helped me live the later part of my life with a much healthier attitude. If this doesn't fit you, ignore it! If it does, consider it...

Bottom line...take it or leave it!
 

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I once talked about my regrets to a psychiatrist and she, sounding shocked, said, "You sound like wish you could live your life over!" Well duh. I only saw her once.

My first marriage lasted ten years and my regrets started the first night. I regret not seeing the red flags, but I don't regret sticking it out for ten years because he gave me my son and was, and still is, a good father to my son. He was not physically abusive, he just didn't touch me or talk to me at all, once he had achieved his objective by getting me pregnant (at the two month spot.)

So life was peaceful and we had no fights (you have to talk to fight.) In spite of all that, I regret asking for a divorce because it hurt my son much more than I had been led to believe by the conventional wisdom of the time.

VintageBetter said:
Problem is, I never had anyone in MY corner if I had said I wanted to go to graduate school - not even my own lawyers were in MY corner.
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By the third day of our marriage I had used up all my savings and was left with one penny in my wallet. That one penny was all that remained there for the next ten years. I worked, jobs he found for me, but he would show up on pay day and I would sign the back of the check and never see any of it.

So getting money together for a divorce was a problem. I sold a musical instrument I had brought to the marriage and so had enough for a deposit on an apartment that was walking distance from our home. I had no car or furniture. The plan was joint custody.

The husband told me he had found a lawyer who would work for both of us and arrange the joint custody, I wasn't asking for alimony or child support. So I gave the lawyer, "my half" of the costs. On the day of the divorce I realized he was only working for my husband and I sat stunned as I heard the judge dissolve the marriage and give full custody of my son to the man.

I was out of everything including money to fight the situation.
 
I regret marrying at age 20, and having 4 kids by the age of 24. Nothing against the kids, but the burden I took on with 4 was a lot.

Also, as both parents worked, my Aunt lived with us and took care of me, my younger sister and our grocery store (we had the apartment attached to it). I certainly did help out in the store, but my Aunt had way too much burden placed on her. I regret not helping her even more than I did.
 
Timewise 60+ said:
I seldom look back, what is done is done! Like everyone I have made some mistakes and I also have done things that worked out well. I have no regrets.

Life is what we make of it and dwelling on mistakes of the past is not productive and could tend to drag a person down a road that is bad for the future they make.

Focus on today and tomorrow and let the past remain in the past. We should learn from our past, but that is all the past has of value.
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Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
Churchill
 
I had 1 dream goal(a sport) and didnt achieve it as a very young man. I thought i failed but this 1 failure led to many successes. A college education and a wonderful wife That I met in college. All because of that one failure that was a learning experience. I had no fear of failure in my 62 years.
 
I wanted to become a therapist for sexually abused children but was talked out it with the fear from someone that if I was sent to a home to speak with a child I might get shot. Maybe sounds silly but I could see he was really worried about it. So I opted for Early Childhood Education and Development instead and it turned out I was quite happy doing that. I don't regret but I do still wonder.... how would my life have been different I had. I still have former students in touch with me from 32 years ago.... pretty nice.
 
As far as my life is going I think I nailed it. I won the lottery when it comes to partners. We have been together since we were teenagers. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect person to have spent my life with. Looking back at all the times of "struggle" it always led to something better. The only thing I would do over is I would have spent more time with friends and family who are now gone. If i changed anything else I mightn't be where I am today. For me that would be a bad thing.
 

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