Do we Americans do our kids a favor when we

AZ Jim

AZ Jim

R.I.P. With Us In Spirit Only
Location
SURPRISE, ARIZONA
fail to prepare them for a world where they must survive on their own merits? If we don't teach them to swim how is their experience going to be in the large deep pool of the world? If we lower the goals does that make them want to achieve more? I think not. Should our kids expect an allowance they do nothing to earn? Does that make them expect it will always be so easy? I think so. I will be called old, over the hill, even mean for feeling that the old statement "it hurts me more than you" when a mom or dad spanked a child (I know now that's "abuse"), really was true. The easy way would be to acquiesce, let the child go away with no punishment, no real understand of what they did wrong, is that going to work in their future? I direct my question to the American contingent because I am unfamiliar with foreign cultures and how they are functioning.
 

My mother spanked me when needed, rarely come to think of it, as I respected her and listened to what she told me, especially when she spoke with her 'evil eye'. I never received an allowance, and was told by both my parents that if you wanted something you had to work for it and save your money. We didn't have much, so I was far from spoiled, wore hand me downs, even from my older brother. I remember as a young teen, my mother telling me that there's "no free lunch". I loved both my parents and don't regret anything they did in my upbringing, I'm really a better person for it. May they rest peacefully. :sentimental: I never had any kids, but I would have brought them up the same way.
 

Disclaimer: I am painting with a broad brush here, but I think I can safely say there is a certain attitude among many of the "Millenials" (those born after the late 1980's). A lot of them seem to be having a hard time understanding the concept of "paying your dues". They have had "helicopter" and "bulldozer" parents who have always cleared the way for them and fought their battles. They have received a medal or a ribbon for merely participating; in their world there are no losers.....everybody is a winner. In some circumstances, nobody is declared a winner.....because it would be "unfair" to those who *didn't* win. They want to immediately step into a high-paying job; they don't want to work up to it.

I saw this in a young man that my company hired as a condition to getting a big contract (translation: hire my son and you'll get the contract). He was in no way prepared for the big bad world. The first time he was given the job of preparing a report for a meeting, he really goofed it up. He caught hell for it and came to me literally in tears..."Don't they realize that I.DID.MY.BEST?" I had to sit him down and explain that "doing his best" isn't good enough for an adult in the business world. He needs to do it *right*. There is no "That's OK, we know you did.your.best and we're proud of you!"

Thank goodness, there are also a lot of Millenials who seem to have been raised right and are out there doing their best, but not expecting a gold medal for it.

OK, grumpy old lady off the soapbox....
 
I think some of the problem might be that parents were growing up in hard times and want their kids to have it easier - that however has not made them stronger.
 
Yeah, I think we did a pretty good job on the daughter and the granddaughter. They're both outstanding citizens and hard workers. My nephew, who just graduated from college this year (he dropped out for a year to "find himself") is continuing his career of "just getting by". This is the one who had to be "bribed" to go to college by his parents paying for him to spend the summer between high school graduation and start of college traveling all over the country going to concerts. I can just see me saying to my father, "Well, okaaaay, I'll agree to go to college but you're going to have to send me on a big trip first." I can guarantee you that I'd be working as a dishwasher in a diner by the next morning.
 
AZ Jim said:
fail to prepare them for a world where they must survive on their own merits? If we don't teach them to swim how is their experience going to be in the large deep pool of the world? If we lower the goals does that make them want to achieve more? I think not. Should our kids expect an allowance they do nothing to earn? Does that make them expect it will always be so easy? I think so. I will be called old, over the hill, even mean for feeling that the old statement "it hurts me more than you" when a mom or dad spanked a child (I know now that's "abuse"), really was true. The easy way would be to acquiesce, let the child go away with no punishment, no real understand of what they did wrong, is that going to work in their future? I direct my question to the American contingent because I am unfamiliar with foreign cultures and how they are functioning.
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Hey, Jim, I think my original response read incorrectly. I meant that we are doing them NO favor. In other words, I agree with you.
 
jujube said:
Disclaimer: I am painting with a broad brush here, but I think I can safely say there is a certain attitude among many of the "Millenials" (those born after the late 1980's). A lot of them seem to be having a hard time understanding the concept of "paying your dues". They have had "helicopter" and "bulldozer" parents who have always cleared the way for them and fought their battles. They have received a medal or a ribbon for merely participating; in their world there are no losers.....everybody is a winner. In some circumstances, nobody is declared a winner.....because it would be "unfair" to those who *didn't* win. They want to immediately step into a high-paying job; they don't want to work up to it.

I saw this in a young man that my company hired as a condition to getting a big contract (translation: hire my son and you'll get the contract). He was in no way prepared for the big bad world. The first time he was given the job of preparing a report for a meeting, he really goofed it up. He caught hell for it and came to me literally in tears..."Don't they realize that I.DID.MY.BEST?" I had to sit him down and explain that "doing his best" isn't good enough for an adult in the business world. He needs to do it *right*. There is no "That's OK, we know you did.your.best and we're proud of you!"

Thank goodness, there are also a lot of Millenials who seem to have been raised right and are out there doing their best, but not expecting a gold medal for it.

OK, grumpy old lady off the soapbox....
Click to expand...

We had this same experience at my workplace -- young workers who don't get it that sometimes your best isn't good enough and the boss doesn't give a red rat's patoot about your feelings. Boss wants the job done right and if you can't/won't, boss will find someone who can. AND, people are not going to say "good job" right and left. Your continuing to get a paycheck says that.
 
I like reading your posts, expressions such as ' don't give a red rat's patoot' give me the giggles.What is a patoot?
anyway, have to agree with AZ on the OP,as the generations succeed each other rules for children become more lax, and the feeling that all will be given for no effort at all seem to abound.Watched something on tv where presenters asked an eight year old boy what he wanted to be when he grew up and he replied' famous' . Now, this boy will either have such confidence and drive that he becomes Prime Minister or chairman of a huge company, or an amazing violinist, or he will end up living on benefits because he didn't understand the correlation between hard work and talent, and merely 'wanting'.
 
oakapple said:
I like reading your posts, expressions such as ' don't give a red rat's patoot' give me the giggles.What is a patoot?
anyway, have to agree with AZ on the OP,as the generations succeed each other rules for children become more lax, and the feeling that all will be given for no effort at all seem to abound.Watched something on tv where presenters asked an eight year old boy what he wanted to be when he grew up and he replied' famous' . Now, this boy will either have such confidence and drive that he becomes Prime Minister or chairman of a huge company, or an amazing violinist, or he will end up living on benefits because he didn't understand the correlation between hard work and talent, and merely 'wanting'.
Click to expand...

Thanks, Oakapple! "Patoot" is cleanspeak for rear end, or in the vernacular, ass.
 
AZ Jim said:
fail to prepare them for a world where they must survive on their own merits? If we don't teach them to swim how is their experience going to be in the large deep pool of the world? If we lower the goals does that make them want to achieve more? I think not. Should our kids expect an allowance they do nothing to earn? Does that make them expect it will always be so easy? I think so. I will be called old, over the hill, even mean for feeling that the old statement "it hurts me more than you" when a mom or dad spanked a child (I know now that's "abuse"), really was true. The easy way would be to acquiesce, let the child go away with no punishment, no real understand of what they did wrong, is that going to work in their future? I direct my question to the American contingent because I am unfamiliar with foreign cultures and how they are functioning.
Click to expand...


Haven't read all the comments yet, but we're going to watch a movie and I have a Canadian version of 'failure to prepare them' for survival that will have you either scratching your heads or maybe rolling in the aisles......okay, maybe it's not a failure because you know what 'this' leads to (and you'll understand in a minute). Okay, I'll tell you....it leads to dancing and then all bets are off!

One of the provinces in Canada has made a decision that their schools will teach their young people to .......wait for it.....to kiss! Yes, that's right....the school will henceforth teach teenagers to kiss.

http://www.cbc.ca/radio/thisisthat/...vernment-to-teach-teens-how-to-kiss-1.3228129

'......"Learning how to be a good kisser will set our teens up for success later in life."
- Leanne Rielhuck, Saskatchewan Ministry of Education​
In her interview with Pat Kelly, the director of the kissing program, Leanne Rielhuck stated: "Our study shows that unemployment rates are directly related to kissing."



 
jujube said:
Disclaimer: I am painting with a broad brush here, but I think I can safely say there is a certain attitude among many of the "Millenials" (those born after the late 1980's). A lot of them seem to be having a hard time understanding the concept of "paying your dues". They have had "helicopter" and "bulldozer" parents who have always cleared the way for them and fought their battles. ....
Click to expand...

I saw something on a business show where they were talking about not only do young people not know how to put together resumes or even to dress properly for an interview, but in many cases, parents are coming to first interviews and lots of times are doing the talking for junior. One employer told where he'd offered the job to the mother instead of the kid because she'd done all the talking.
 
Can't imagine it helps your chances of getting hired if you have to bring your mom along with you!

Our office (a law firm) had younger people coming in for interviews for office work dressed like they worked at a carwash. Another not so hot idea.
 
The difference between now and then seems enormous: 'Then' (1940's, 50's in U.S.) we spanked kids for their "own good".
Now the tables have turned, and 'spanking' is labelled as child abuse!
Blaming parents for everything gone wrong is "in", even behavior by younger generations that could be considered parent/elderly abuse! (Especially victimization leading to financial gain!)
 
Butterfly said:
Can't imagine it helps your chances of getting hired if you have to bring your mom along with you!

Our office (a law firm) had younger people coming in for interviews for office work dressed like they worked at a carwash. Another not so hot idea.
Click to expand...


Apparently this is more common than one would think and same for being poorly dressed! Bizarre eh?
 
Zante said:
I think some of the problem might be that parents were growing up in hard times and want their kids to have it easier - that however has not made them stronger.
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Fully agree AND both parents are working 8-10 hours a day to give them everything they want,but don't really need.
 
Punishment = Consequences? I think Consequence is a lost word in todays vocabulary.
Parents now days seem to think it is best to be their child's best friend. I can't imagine Mom going to your office when you get in trouble with your boss. Oh wait... kids just quit their jobs then don't they.
Makes my head spin.
 
Actually, everywhere I've ever worked, young people have been very grateful to have their jobs and work hard, considering today's economy and unemployment rates.

Who are these kids that have turned out so badly, your own grandchildren and their friends? You must have some personal experience and examples or is this generalization and stereotyping?
 
Cookie, I have tried to address the subject of today's generation on other threads, provide positive examples. The response I get is that these young people are the exception to the rule. It is very frustrating. I was far wilder and more irresponsible as a young person than these kids, many of my generation were. Most of us turned out just fine. Why would millenials be any different? I think perhaps there is a certain amount of selective memory at work here.
 
There's not much more I can say on this subject -- I prefer to see the positive in young people, and I do.
 
Some have lost prospective here. My post refers to OUR kids. Our kids are not children anymore. Our children in the 30's and 40's and even 50's are the ones out killing, robbing, stealing and writing bad checks among other crimes. I don't mean THEIR kids are angels but it started with us spoiling our own and them doing the same.
 

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