Do you bear a grudge ?

Liberty said:
Aprilsun...lets face it some people just need to "stop off at CVS and pick up a new personality!"
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I don't know because there is some that even that wouldn't be enough. But, it sure wouldn't hurt to try!
 

treeguy64 said:
I actually ran into the guy who bullied me, when I was a little kid. This was ten years later, waiting in line to see Annie Hall. He said to me, "I'm sorry I was such an asshole. You can go ahead and kick my ass, I deserve it."
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treeguy64 said:
I actually ran into the guy who bullied me, when I was a little kid. This was ten years later, waiting in line to see Annie Hall. He said to me, "I'm sorry I was such an asshole. You can go ahead and kick my ass, I deserve it." I just looked at him, and then turned away. He was always this huge kid, but Karma kind of got him: As an adult, he stood less than 5'5". I hope he lived a good life.
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I think maybe I can top your Karma story.

When I was in 8th grade things were tough...financially, emotionally (parents had split up). For a year we moved to a less-than-desirable area where my bully was the queen of the 8th grade mean girls squad. Everyone catered to her, everyone was afraid of her. She'd pretend to be my friend then command her squad to torment me. I won't go into the specifics, but she made my life more miserable than it already was. Thank goodness we moved at the end of that school year.

Fast forward 20 yrs: I was in my 30s working in an office downtown and went with a co-worker to a meeting at another office building down the street. I went into the restroom, was checking my hair, etc. and suddenly someone called out my name. IT WAS HER! She was cleaning toilets and mopping floors. We talked for a few minutes...she'd dropped out of high school, had a couple kids, and was living with her mom in the same crappy neighborhood. I looked at my watch..."Gotta get to my meeting!". Grabbed my briefcase and walked away. :).

Karma! :yes:
 

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applecruncher said:
I think maybe I can top your Karma story.

When I was in 8th grade things were tough...financially, emotionally (parents had split up). For a year we moved to a less-than-desirable area where my bully was the queen of the 8th grade mean girls squad. Everyone catered to her, everyone was afraid of her. She'd pretend to be my friend then command her squad to torment me. I won't go into the specifics, but she made my life more miserable. than it already was. Thank goodness we moved at the end of that school year.

Fast forward 20 yrs: I was in my 30s working in an office downtown and went with a co-worker to a meeting at another office building down the street. I went into the restroom, was checking my hair, etc. and suddenly someone called out my name. IT WAS HER! She was cleaning toilets and mopping floors. We talked for a few minutes...she's dropped out of high school, had a couple kids, and was living with her mom in the same crappy neighborhood. I looked at my watch..."Gotta get to my meeting!". Grabbed my briefcase and walked away. :).

Karma! :yes:
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reminds me of a poster I made awhile back

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I try not to bear grudges, if by that you mean holding anger or resentment against someone for a long time. Sometimes it takes me a while, but I work to get past the negative feelings, because honestly they affect me far more than they do the person I'm angry at. Those kinds of feeling just turn me toxic inside and it's not emotionally healthy for me.

I also work hard to forgive for the same reason. But the situations in my life where I've had to really struggle to not hold a grudge and to forgive are also the situations where the person involved broke my trust so deeply that I will never trust the person again. And even though I might forgive, that doesn't mean any kind of reconciliation with the person, because forgiveness is for ME, not them.

I'm easy to get along with, I'm not a high maintenance friend, family member or spouse, and I am always willing to compromise. But if you betray me, break my trust, that's a really hard thing for me to come back from. My word is sacred to me, and I expect the same in return. Break your word and that's a deal breaker right there.





 
The question is too general to answer. Some minor offenses, yes, of course, we forgive those every day. But some things are not so easily forgiven, nor should they be.
 
Sunny said:
The question is too general to answer. Some minor offenses, yes, of course, we forgive those every day. But some things are not so easily forgiven, nor should they be.
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I agree.

The concept of forgiveness is very complicated and we could talk forever about it.

I don't think a person has to forgive when they have been wronged. Not forgiving someone doesn't mean that you're carrying a grudge and tossing & turning at night. Often the solution is to not have anything further to do with the guilty party (not easy, but possible). Or you can limit your contact. It's possible, often easy, to go on with your life without forgiving the guilty party - it doesn't mean you're 'carrying' hurt and anger. Life does go on.

AprilSun said:
Some people make it hard to forgive them and easy to hold a grudge against them. For example, I have family members that either say they're sorry or act as if they are but then they turn around and do the exact same thing again. If they were truly sorry, they would make it a point to not ever do that again but they don't. They keep doing the same thing over and over.
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^^I also agree with this.

And saying "that was in the past" let's them get away with no accountability.
 
Capt Lightning said:
OK, some things are so trivial that you can just forget them, but there are things that I have never forgiven and have no intention of forgiving. Forgiveness in the absence of remorse is simply letting someone get away with it.
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Great line and exactly the way I feel. I can and will forgive just about anyone for anything if a sincere apology is given and I feel the person is genuinely remorseful. Other than that get outta my way.
 
Like Mother Theresa said once...and many after her including myself...

"In the end, it's between you and God. It was never between you and them".

So when someone is sincerely repentant, I forgive and don't hold a grudge.
But if they're not sorry, I don't forgive them but I don't hold a grudge either...I leave it to God.
 
I find it very easy to forgive...

I don't necessarily forget..So in reality I may be holding a grudge.

I work very hard to not let other peoples decisions effect my life..

It is a struggle..
 
I don't think about the word forgive too much. I move along from hassles pretty fast. If I find people a pain in the butt I stay away from them. I don't dwell on things people have done to me too much but I don't forget anything. I would love to meet up with the rotten school bus driver from my first and second year of school. I don't hate him but now that weak little girl is gone and I would step up in her place and tell him what I thought of him. Maybe knock him on his ass if he got smart with me!
 

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