Do you feel "old"?

[feywon]

It amazes me when people say that although they see an old person in the mirror, they still feel young inside. I've never felt young inside even when I was actually young. My late sister-in-law told me the same thing, that as far back as she could remember, she'd always felt old. And this discussion got me to thinking about it: what did sister-in-law and I have in common that would make us feel this way? Disfunctional childhoods. What I can remember most about my childhood is being afraid all the time, maybe on a "good" day just being worried. In both of our cases, it was our fathers who scared us the most. So if you're wondering why some of us don't "feel young inside", that could be why. From what I experienced and all the people I've known, carefree, happy childhoods were very rare. (Or maybe we survivors of unhappy childhoods always gravitate to each other, IDK. And I can understand why those few who did have happy childhoods wouldn't want anything to do with us who didn't, they'd want to keep that "don't depress me, lalala" thing going.)

While there are some differences in how i would characterize my childhood, i think i can understand how you feel. While Dad did not always protect me from the vagaries of my Mom's moods, he did give me a lot of tools that helped during my teens when it was just me and her till my brother was born when i was 16. i was an overly responsible kid in many ways and always put Mom's feelings first. Those tools have helped through out my life.

Where i was fortunate, beyond the mental/emotional tools i got from Dad, was that in my late teens and my 20's, when out of my Mom's house/control, i felt justified making my own real choices because i was taking full responsibility for myself. i began to realize i didn't have to put her first, tho to anyone looking at us from outside it may have seemed so. At least 2 weekends a month i 'went home' and babysat my brother so she could go 'out' without additional expense and $$ flowed from me to her not vice versa unlike with a lot of my contemporaries. As my brother got older i would sometimes take him to my place in NYC for the weekends-- we'd hit the park, zoo, Museums. Because then what i did for her was as much if not more about making my little brother's life more pleasant and safe feeling than accommodating her. But i allowed myself to have fun, to take joy in life the way i had in my first decades despite some of the hardships our family faced.

By the time my kids came along i was tried to pass on the best of both my parents to them--Dad's logic/reason and emphasis on learning as being critical, Mom's ability (when in the right mood) to be silly and just have fun with the kids sometimes. Only i didn't have to be 'in the right mood', i had reasoned out that it was good and healthy for me as well as the kids to sometimes put having fun and/or thoughtful time with them first.

Don't be so sure that the people who try to avoid your reality had happy childhoods, or even just happier than yours--everyone responds differently to trauma. For some survivors, avoiding others with similar histories may be a coping thing--a way to avoid 'triggers'. For others accepting you as you are makes sense because they know that some key people doing that for them along away gave them some comfort in life. When i'm feeling particularly emotionally vulnerable i don't avoid reading and responding to friends who are generally less 'cheerful', but i do sort of put 'shields up' before reading their posts.

 

[Don M.]

I'm 79, Physically, but still feel like half that age, Mentally. However, increasingly, I have to stop and think before I engage in any strenuous activity, so I don't do something stupid and hurt myself. Age is a bit of a PITA, but better than the "alternative"...so far.

 

[oldpop]

My body does.

 

[Remy]

Yes. I think life has caught up with me. I'm still working.

Yesterday I was at the grocery store and as I lugged the 20 pound cat litter on the belt, I was asked by the checker if I needed help. I said no but she kindly put it in my cart after I paid (it's a bag yourself grocery store)

 

[horseless carriage]

I'm 75, and disabled. I was getting into my car yesterday. I have a light weight wheelchair that I use. It was raining. A 30-ish guy came over and asked if I needed help.

That was something that I experienced too. My vintage MG had a puncture, an immaculately dressed fellow driving a Porsche car, pulled up and offered to help. I thanked him and said that he might be surprised how easy it is the change a wheel. My old car is fitted with hydraulic jacks, all I have to do is insert a handle and lift the car. He stood there amazed, then asked: "Why did that technology become redundant?" "Because," I replied," the jacks need a chassis and modern cars have an all in one body with an integral chassis, known as monocoque.
Let me show you a picture of how my old car can be lifted so that you can see why my knight, who was definitely in shining armour, was so surprised.

 

[Daytona Al]

I'm 75, and disabled. I was getting into my car yesterday. I have a light weight wheelchair that I use. It was raining. A 30-ish guy came over and asked if I needed help. Told him "no", Having people come over, asking to help, is not a rare thing. There are a lot of thoughtful people in this world. But it also means I look like an old geezer. It dawned on me that I am old. And old is not a bad thing.
Forget the 'old as you feel" nonsense, you're as old as your drivers license says you are. GeogieXplant , in a post yesterday said, "it gets tiresome being told what clothes to get rid of, how to style my hair, how to decorate my home...all so that I won't look "old". Guess what? I am old! At 80,". Do you feel your age? Do you feel "OLD"?

I didn't feel my age at all until I hit 70 and retired (within month). Not it has hit me like a brick. I think about future mobility, assisted living and the end of this life.... all the time. It's like I thought about girls when I was in High school-- and about productive. When I sit down to read a book, I think you're an old man who has nothing else to do. It takes all the pleasure of the book. I'm only 3 months into this, so I hope that it gets better, but right now, I hate feeling old. Somehow writing on SF helps.

 

[Daytona Al]

You have answered for Aunt Bea, although on the odd day
I do feel old, if I have done some job the day before that
required a trip up a ladder!

You are lucky mellowyellow, over here I got the same insult
when I turned 70, you got 5 years more of being young.

Mike.

I just let them help. Most days I can use it.

 

[Daytona Al]

That was something that I experienced too. My vintage MG had a puncture, an immaculately dressed fellow driving a Porsche car, pulled up and offered to help. I thanked him and said that he might be surprised how easy it is the change a wheel. My old car is fitted with hydraulic jacks, all I have to do is insert a handle and lift the car. He stood there amazed, then asked: "Why did that technology become redundant?" "Because," I replied," the jacks need a chassis and modern cars have an all in one body with an integral chassis, known as monocoque.
Let me show you a picture of how my old car can be lifted so that you can see why my knight, who was definitely in shining armour, was so surprised.
View attachment 187730

Wow. I've ridden in (and push started) many MGS, but did not know about this.

 

[Daytona Al]

I'm similar age to you, and feel the same way... I have always wanted to sky-dive.. and maybe I'll do it for my 70th birthday if God spares me...

I do a lot of things people my age don't or can't do.. .. every year when I'm abroad for example, I love to paraglide.. ... , I'm a little bit of a hedonist, obviously aches, and age prevent a lot of extreme activities these days , but if I can still do it, then there's no way I'm not going to...

Aches are God's way of reminding you that you're alive. So glad to hear that you keep following your passions. Covid and surgery has sort of slowed us down, but we need to get back to travel.

 

[Murrmurr]

That was something that I experienced too. My vintage MG had a puncture, an immaculately dressed fellow driving a Porsche car, pulled up and offered to help. I thanked him and said that he might be surprised how easy it is the change a wheel. My old car is fitted with hydraulic jacks, all I have to do is insert a handle and lift the car. He stood there amazed, then asked: "Why did that technology become redundant?" "Because," I replied," the jacks need a chassis and modern cars have an all in one body with an integral chassis, known as monocoque.
Let me show you a picture of how my old car can be lifted so that you can see why my knight, who was definitely in shining armour, was so surprised.
View attachment 187730

 

[Daytona Al]

Why does being called "Honey," "Sweetie," or "Dearie" make you feel old, Cupcake?

Waitresses have started calling me "sweetie". I thought that it was because I was still a bit attractive. Now I know the real reason.

 

[Sunny]

Things that make me feel "old:"

1. Being called Ma'am all the time
2. Walking out of the supermarket with my cart full of groceries, and having some chirpy young thing come up to ask if I need help finding my car
3. Here's a happy reason to feel old: When your children become grandparents!

 

[jujube]

Someday I feel really old...maybe a 100.

Most days I think, "Hey, this old broad isn't doing so badly, is she?"

One of my big problems is reconciling the 12-year-old Inner Child with the 74-year-old Outer Hag.

Saturday, I'm taking the kids to a theme park AND a water park. Let's see how old I am Sunday morning......

 

[jujube]

Do not stop people from helping you. Most of the time it is not to do with your age, some people are kind, let them be kind

Letting people help you is a blessing both ways. It helps you and it lets them feel better about themselves. Everyone needs to feel that they're doing something for humanity these days. Help someone else and maybe our own problems don't seem so bad.

 

[Uptosnuff]

I became 65 a couple of weeks ago and non! I do not feel old in any way, except, I have always done some extreme sports and now, it is not advisable to do some of them. But that does not stop me from doing the things I can do without breaking bones! I plan at 70 to parachute out of a plane,my husband has already done this, lucky man! Then my final dream will come true, I hope to go into space like "rocket man" Shatner

My hat's off to all of you that still like the extreme stuff. I have found that I am much more cautious now than I ever used to be and I hate that! I hesitate doing things I would have jumped at doing when I was younger. A couple of years ago I did my first zipline. It was a tame, easy line but when my turn came I just couldn't make my feet move. My mind wanted to soar but my body hesitated so long that the ride operator asked if I wanted some "help" to get started. That made me lift my feet an away I went. Screamed all the way. Haven't done it since. sigh.

 

[Uptosnuff]

I didn't make my self clear. I meant do you accept that you are the age on your driver's license, or the number of candles on your birthday cake? I think we tend to downplay our age. WE deny we are as old as we are." I'm 93, but I feel I'm 18". It's not about physical abilities, but the admission to yourself, you are "old".

I would say that, until I was in my 60's, I downplayed my age. I didn't feel as old as my physical years were until recently. I am accepting my age a lot more now. What's more I am no longer downplaying my age to my daughter. I am letting her see now that her mother is physically aging and things are not as easy to do as they used to be. Sometimes it is quite comical. My husband and I recently bought a mustang convertible and you should see us trying to get out of it. I have had to adjust the way I get in and out of the car.

 

[Ladybj]

I'm 75, and disabled. I was getting into my car yesterday. I have a light weight wheelchair that I use. It was raining. A 30-ish guy came over and asked if I needed help. Told him "no", Having people come over, asking to help, is not a rare thing. There are a lot of thoughtful people in this world. But it also means I look like an old geezer. It dawned on me that I am old. And old is not a bad thing.
Forget the 'old as you feel" nonsense, you're as old as your drivers license says you are. GeogieXplant , in a post yesterday said, "it gets tiresome being told what clothes to get rid of, how to style my hair, how to decorate my home...all so that I won't look "old". Guess what? I am old! At 80,". Do you feel your age? Do you feel "OLD"?

I'm 61 (62 next month) my mind is about 30 but some mornings my body reminds me - nooooo you are 61 Like I suppose to know what 61 feels like - this is my first time being 61 I am at the age, I say what I mean, no disrespect to anyone, dress like I want and love, eat, drink, be merry and have fun. Life is too short for anything less.

 

[Jules]

One more thing, and it's important! When someone offers help, accept with gracious thanks, even if it's something that you can do yourself. People like to be helpful, and you will have made someone feel good because they did something nice for you.

You’re right. They’re offering because they want to. It’s almost selfish to say no. I learned to accept it.

Think as we age, we will pay for those less than stellar choices we made with respect to youthful recreational activities, not to mention the over indulgences...lol.

That’s the truth. Many of these things can come back to bite you. Ouch.

 

[peramangkelder]

My Self doesn't feel much different than at 17 except maybe a little wiser and smarter OTOH, my body often feels a whole lot different!

For those who want something different to do, there's ziplining. Really. You're tethered and padded and gloved and given a helmet. And tethered again! Before you get started, there are demonstrations, cautions repeated, a couple of dry runs on a zipline just a few feet above ground...it's fun and it's safe and best of all when you're done you can say you did it!

If you prefer something a little more tame and aren't one of those people who doesn't want to be around "all those old people", if there's a senior center in your area, they're an option. You can probably find a card game or two to join, keep company with others at lunchtime, sign up for an excursion to...wherever they're going next.

Back during the recession of '08 all the state/county-supported senior centers near me closed and most never opened up again, but there are a few here and there and also a good many that are supported by area churches. In addition, they often have transportation available.

One more thing, and it's important! When someone offers help, accept with gracious thanks, even if it's something that you can do yourself. People like to be helpful, and you will have made someone feel good because they did something nice for you.

@GeorgiaXplant I especially like your last short paragraph
'One more thing, and it's important! When someone offers help, accept with gracious thanks, even if it's something that you can do yourself. People like to be helpful, and you will have made someone feel good because they did something nice for you'
Accepting help makes the recipient feel good as well as the giver

 

[hollydolly]

The most obvious thing that makes me feel old is if I've had a full day out .. maybe a long day shopping or visiting or meetings , whatever... I'm shattered for the next day.. and I have to stay rested in between days of activity..

I don't mean sit in a recliner all day.. but I mean it would wear me out to have another active day on top of the previous one, I just wouldn't have the energy.

It may be because now I'm retired I'm out of practice, because I know people my age who work every day still... but I do notice that as a person who has always been very energetic about everything , I do have to take it easy between days of activity

 

[Shero]

Someday I feel really old...maybe a 100.

Most days I think, "Hey, this old broad isn't doing so badly, is she?"

One of my big problems is reconciling the 12-year-old Inner Child with the 74-year-old Outer Hag.

Saturday, I'm taking the kids to a theme park AND a water park. Let's see how old I am Sunday morning......

I think you are fun jujube, keep it up

 

[Shero]

My hat's off to all of you that still like the extreme stuff. I have found that I am much more cautious now than I ever used to be and I hate that! I hesitate doing things I would have jumped at doing when I was younger. A couple of years ago I did my first zipline. It was a tame, easy line but when my turn came I just couldn't make my feet move. My mind wanted to soar but my body hesitated so long that the ride operator asked if I wanted some "help" to get started. That made me lift my feet an away I went. Screamed all the way. Haven't done it since. sigh.

But you did it! congrats! Next time you will enjoy more!!!!

 

[Gary O']

My body does.

Reminds me of a poster creation from another life;

 

[Shero]

My derrière feels a little old tonight after riding for two hours today

 

[Pepper]

Yes.