Do you stick like glue to your spouse

[MarkD]

Like glue? No but we’re boringly loyal and know that about each other. We’re buddies .. with benefits.

We each have interests apart, she in her studio and me in the garden, but we eat meals together usually playing Rummy at the same time. She used to travel quite a bit though not regularly for her career and I always thought the time apart was a plus for our relationship.

For the last couple years we’ve been sleeping more and more apart around surgeries until now it is a permanent arrangement. Snuggling and whoopie still take place, sometimes at ‘my place’, sometimes at hers.

Finding the right balance of togetherness and solitude is important. For me both are necessary.

 

[officerripley]

A friend of mine didn’t have much time for friends when she met her second husband.

Fast forward 23 years and she is in her 70’s and he died. Now she’s desperate to do things with friends and is calling me nightly. She also wants to find a new man. Putting all your eggs in one basket is never smart.

Same thing with a friend of mine. Back when her husband was still alive and she had turned me down for a social activity that would've happened when her huzz would've been home, she told me, "I only socialize with other gals when he's at work or on the golf course. When he is home, I stay home and play the good wife." Then after he died, the other women in her mobile home park I guess had given up on asking her to join in and maybe she didn't feel right about asking--or want to!--so she was really lonely. It was a religious thing also with her, she had told me stuff about how the wife is totally subservient to the huzz and that's the way it should be in her opinion.

 

[StarSong]

Same thing with a friend of mine. Back when her husband was still alive and she had turned me down for a social activity that would've happened when her huzz would've been home, she told me, "I only socialize with other gals when he's at work or on the golf course. When he is home, I stay home and play the good wife." Then after he died, the other women in her mobile home park I guess had given up on asking her to join in and maybe she didn't feel right about asking--or want to!--so she was really lonely. It was a religious thing also with her, she had told me stuff about how the wife is totally subservient to the huzz and that's the way it should be in her opinion.

This is a very different situation from what my husband and I have. To begin with, subservience isn't in my DNA. Nor is feeling obligated to stay home to play the good wife. (What's that about?)

 

[Jamala]

Not like glue, and just for the record nothing wrong if couples like spending lots of time with each other.
We are not only lovers, we are best friends. We share stuff but are not joined at the hip.
We have the same friends. We do not have separate holidays unless its a spa weekend for me with the girls and a golfing weeked for him with the lads!

 

[Blessed]

I was married for 31 years. My husband was on the go from day 1, working 2 jobs at times. Going to school at night. Most weekends were spent at his parents. It was the gathering place for the family and my inlaws were big at throwing parties, having dinners, cookouts. My husband also had a big group of friends, got involved in his union at work so he was constantly on the go.

I was more of a homebody. I most always went to his folks but needed some time for quiet, getting things done at home. When our son was born I was all about having a routine, being organized, so even more of a homebody. If someone called or came by to see my husband, I often did not know where he was. It did not bother me, I knew he would come home when he was tired or hungry. LOL

 

[Ronni]

We both still work some time apart is a given.

I have more social activities and hobbies than he does. I did before we married (we haven’t been married very long) and I told him that those things were going to continue so tell me if he had a problem with that. He assured me he didn’t, and he hasn’t.

I dance, get together with girlfriends, do stuff with my kids, housesit for my daughter occasionally when they want some time away from home. I run errands, shop, occasionally go to a movie by myself.

We also do a lot together. We’re renovating our home so all that work is done by the two of us. We go out to dinner or lunch, have date nights, visit the kids, work in the garden, shop and make decisions about the house finishes, binge-watch our choice of series together.

He is always happy to run errands with me if I don’t feel like parking and getting in and out of the car over and over again. He acts as my chauffeur. I’m always happy to go with him to a potential client for him to quote a job.

I feel like we have a really good, healthy balance of time together vs time alone. It works for us.

 

[seadoug]

I do admire those who really enjoy spending every minute with their spouses, but as I mentioned earlier my partner and I are very independent. I think this is for a few reasons.

We are both introverts, so we both need "alone time" to recharge. He works, so I respect that he needs that time while at home.

I'm an only child, so I've always been used to being fine alone.

We both want to maintain independent lives so if (God forbid) something happens to either of us the other can go on with life. I'm 65, he's 57, so chances are I will go first. I want him to be used to being independent so he can thrive without me. I'm very healthy, but we've already had the conversation about where he will move to if I go first. Morbid, I know, but I'm a planner.

 

[Leann]

I adored my first husband and would have clinged to him tightly if I could have. We married when I was 21, he was 26. He died of an undiagnosed heart condition while at work. He stood up from his desk and was deceased before he fell on to the floor. I was a widow at 25. I married again, much too quickly, and thought I found someone with whom I could have a deep connection, someone to assuage the fear I had of being widowed again. He was anything but caring. He was abusive, distant and cruel. I relished any time away from him. Thankfully we divorced a long while ago.

I am now in a healthy relationship with a truly good man. We're supportive of one another, spend some time together on the weekends and also enjoy our time apart to pursue our individual interests.

 

[StarSong]

We both want to maintain independent lives so if (God forbid) something happens to either of us the other can go on with life. I'm 65, he's 57, so chances are I will go first. I want him to be used to being independent so he can thrive without me. I'm very healthy, but we've already had the conversation about where he will move to if I go first. Morbid, I know, but I'm a planner.

My only comment is to recommend you don't cheat yourselves out of today's joys because of a belief that it could lessen tomorrow's possible heartaches.

I love my husband and am clear that if anything happens to one of us the other would be deeply bereft. I'm equally clear that we're capable of surviving without each other and would find our footing and continue to have joy in our lives.

The worst regret would be for either of us to feel we didn't take full advantage of our time together when we had the opportunity to do so, because we were borrowing trouble.

 

[NorthernLight]

My only comment is to recommend you don't cheat yourselves out of today's joys because of a belief that it could lessen tomorrow's possible heartaches.

I love my husband and am clear that if anything happens to one of us the other would be deeply bereft. I'm equally clear that we're capable of surviving without each other and would find our footing and continue to have joy in our lives.

The worst regret would be for either of us to feel we didn't take full advantage of our time together when we had the opportunity to do so, because we were borrowing trouble.

I agree. I know how to be independent and do things on my own, but I don't think it prepared me for anything.

 

[Victoria]

my hubby and i have always done everything together , we are both 2nd marriages , ( 37 yrs married now )so we knew what we were going into this time round , and we both wanted the same things , our hobbies were the same , and we just jelled.....
he is and still is my best mate , confidant , and best listener, never judges , or is opinionated .....
and as you know, ive been his shadow carer, for the past 11yrs now since his stroke.....and hes still my councillor, he listens, when im down , and finding it hard , and he still makes me laugh .........,(my soul mate )....
i am his limbs ......

lol we never stop talking wren.....conversation never dries up with us, which is weird as we never see anyone or go anywhere !!

Exactly! With some people you just click! You understand each other inside and out. My hubby always says I'm the only one who really understands him, even more than his family does. We even made up our own code words/language so we can discuss things in public without anyone knowing what we're talking about. We never run out of topics to discuss! We see and think the same way on religion, society, politics, people, morals, even aliens and conspiracies. He loves cats like me and owned cats when we met like I did/do. And what's really weird is that he is from Switzerland and I'm from America! It is really weird in a good way! It's like we were meant to be together because his mom, sister, and nephew all have a birthday within a few days of mine but different years! His mom's birthday is 2 days before mine! He loves it because he says he only has to remember 1 month for most birthdays. And I get along great with his mom and sisters! I love his mom! Most people have a hard time with in-laws but we click. It's like really awesome. Some things are meant to be!

I have never been married, so maybe I should stay out of this, but just an opinion would be that the relationship your husband and you have is not a marriage. In fact, it’s not even a relationship. You two should have a serious conversation and counseling if both of you agree. Whatever you decide, you need to do something and soon. I wish you success with whatever you decide.

Yes, it seems like he has divorced her in his mind and heart but doesn't want to do it legally because of the financial hassle. His body is there but his heart is not.

 

[Victoria]

My only comment is to recommend you don't cheat yourselves out of today's joys because of a belief that it could lessen tomorrow's possible heartaches.

I love my husband and am clear that if anything happens to one of us the other would be deeply bereft. I'm equally clear that we're capable of surviving without each other and would find our footing and continue to have joy in our lives.

The worst regret would be for either of us to feel we didn't take full advantage of our time together when we had the opportunity to do so, because we were borrowing trouble.

I love that! I agree!

 

[horseless carriage]

“My wife has made me laugh. Wiped my tears. Hugged me tight. Watched me succeed. Seen me fail. Kept me strong. My wife is a promise that I will have a friend forever.”

 

[Victoria]

We share a lot of interests and enjoy each other's company. We like the same music, books, tv shows and movies. We both like walking for exercise. We always agree on what to do for vacations. We like the same foods and we both like to cook. We just basically are continuing the same routine we had while I was working.

Has he always been this way? Like since the beginning? Maybe it's just his way? His personality?

 

[Jamala]

I do admire those who really enjoy spending every minute with their spouses, but as I mentioned earlier my partner and I are very independent. I think this is for a few reasons.

We are both introverts, so we both need "alone time" to recharge. He works, so I respect that he needs that time while at home.

I'm an only child, so I've always been used to being fine alone.

We both want to maintain independent lives so if (God forbid) something happens to either of us the other can go on with life. I'm 65, he's 57, so chances are I will go first. I want him to be used to being independent so he can thrive without me. I'm very healthy, but we've already had the conversation about where he will move to if I go first. Morbid, I know, but I'm a planner.

I don't think it's morbid at all...

 

[StarSong]

@Victoria, Like you, I've never had in-law problems. In fact, I was closer to my FIL than to my own father, and DH was closer to my mom than his own mother. We were so lucky to have had such wonderful people in our lives.

Since my parents and his were also close with their in-laws, DH & I rather expected our own lives to turn out that way. My children all have excellent relationships with their in-laws, too.

Neither of us was married before, but didn't marry until our late twenties so hardly dewy-eyed teenagers when going into this relationship.

Truth be told, my marriage has been one of the calmest, easiest, most trouble-free aspects of my life. A couple of bumps, yes, but they were inconsequential considering how long we've been together. Plus, we learned from them.

My best pieces of advice for a successful marriage:
Always speak kindly to one another and about one another.
Avoid spending time with couples who fight or are nasty with each other. It's contagious.

 

[MarkD]

We are both introverts, so we both need "alone time" to recharge.

Same though we can somewhat pass as ‘extro’s provided we get that time to recharge - which I’m sure is true for you as well.

My mate (not that we ever aimed for anything to come of that apart from a good time) is 80 now and I am 70. We have been meeting with with financial planners and lawyers to put give me power of attorney to simplify things when one of us buys the ranch. Obviously we think that will be her though anything can happen. The state of California puts me in the driver’s seat as a surviving spouse but there are some things which could be tied up and costly to untie without it. In most states, very barbarically, you wouldn’t get the benefit of the doubt as a gay couple. So good thing you are a good planner. Are you helping him train for financial competence. So often most of the wherewithal accumulates in one or the other. I’ve enjoyed not having to fret over taxes, insurance and making payments but my free ride will be ending if I’m healthy enough so I’m paying more attention while she can still look over my shoulder.

 

[charry]

“My wife has made me laugh. Wiped my tears. Hugged me tight. Watched me succeed. Seen me fail. Kept me strong. My wife is a promise that I will have a friend forever.”

Wonderful , a lot of folk , will never know , and have what we have !
it’s so hard to find a soul mate …..

 

[charry]

@Victoria, Like you, I've never had in-law problems. In fact, I was closer to my FIL than to my own father, and DH was closer to my mom than his own mother. We were so lucky to have had such wonderful people in our lives.

Since my parents and his were also close with their in-laws, DH & I rather expected our own lives to turn out that way. My children all have excellent relationships with their in-laws, too.

Neither of us was married before, but didn't marry until our late twenties so hardly dewy-eyed teenagers when going into this relationship.

Truth be told, my marriage has been one of the calmest, easiest, most trouble-free aspects of my life. A couple of bumps, yes, but they were inconsequential considering how long we've been together. Plus, we learned from them.

My best pieces of advice for a successful marriage:
Always speak kindly to one another and about one another.
Avoid spending time with couples who fight or are nasty with each other. It's contagious.

RESPECT !! That’s the answer starsong …..

 

[StarSong]

RESPECT !! That’s the answer starsong …..

It sure is.

 

[seadoug]

Same though we can somewhat pass as ‘extro’s provided we get that time to recharge - which I’m sure is true for you as well.

My mate (not that we ever aimed for anything to come of that apart from a good time) is 80 now and I am 70. We have been meeting with with financial planners and lawyers to put give me power of attorney to simplify things when one of us buys the ranch. Obviously we think that will be her though anything can happen. The state of California puts me in the driver’s seat as a surviving spouse but there are some things which could be tied up and costly to untie without it. In most states, very barbarically, you wouldn’t get the benefit of the doubt as a gay couple. So good thing you are a good planner. Are you helping him train for financial competence. So often most of the wherewithal accumulates in one or the other. I’ve enjoyed not having to fret over taxes, insurance and making payments but my free ride will be ending if I’m healthy enough so I’m paying more attention while she can still look over my shoulder.

We are actually married, primarily for financial and healthcare purposes. We have a great financial advisor that manages both of our accounts. My partner has no clue re: money and investing, but I know he will be okay. He is the heir to my will, his sister is a CPA, and our financial advisor will take good care of him.

Good to hear that you have been meeting with lawyers re: power of attorney. That is absolutely necessarily if you are not married. I hope the two of you spend many more years together!

 

[Beezer]

My wife thinks I'm her big squeaky toy...but I enjoy solitude sometimes. She isn't overbearing, but it's actually kinda cute how much she loves being in my presence.