Do You Tell A Friend She Could Be Making A Mistake?

Lee

Lee

Senior Member
Location
Chatham, Ontario
I usually go with mind your own business but when asked and you honestly feel they might be having a big lapse in judgement do you speak up?

An old friend called her out of the blue and after one phone call he invited himself over and then wound up staying a few days. She was ecstatic as she used to be friendly with both him and his now deceased wife five years ago.

In that few days he told her she could give up her part time job, he loves her home, he has made her tell a lie to our park office in saying that she owns a boat when in reality he wants a place to park what she calls his yacht??? as we have a free storage yard.

Now he wants to sell his place and relocate here and move in with her. All these plans in a few days.

I know my friend is on the rebound from another romance that went south. So far I have avoided answering her but I would hate to see her give up her job etc.

What would you do, shut up or say something.
 

This is a hard call, especially when one does not know the person directly. Many people do not want unsolicited advice, and you potentially risk losing a friend by offering it. Sound judgement often goes out the window, however, where affairs of the heart are involved, especially if that person is on the rebound from a soured romance since they are then emotionally vulnerable. I have seen people throw their lives away over poor romantically-influenced decisions. If you have a comfortable relationship with this friend, you may want to offer some general, part-way guidance such as, "Well, look before you leap," or "Wait awhile, and think." If the friend appears receptive to further discussion, consider it an invitation to pursue it, but tread gently...
 
Chet said:
It's not so much what you say as how you say it. Tell her to slow down. If it's a good offer today, it will be good tomorrow.
Click to expand...
That was my first thought.. Why the rush on his part? Does she really know him that well?
He's telling her to lie on his behalf (about the boat) ... So he thinks it's okay to lie about things? What else is there .....
 
If someone is really your friend, & she asked for your opinion, you should give it; that's what being a friend is all about.
If she didn't ask for your opinion, you could discuss it with her by saying something like, "Well, that's a big change; maybe you could think it over."
 
Did all of this include a ring and marriage?

To me it sounds like he's looking for a place to live and cheap boat storage. He's moving much too fast unless there is some prior history other than casual friendship. He sounds like a shyster to me. But I'm a cynic.

Talk is cheap. She at least should spend a few bucks and do a background check. Public records can tell you a lot about a person, about their character and their habits. She needs to know both criminal and financial backgrounds before she makes any moves.

Would I tell her this? A good friend would at least strongly suggest a background check.
 
Lee said:
I usually go with mind your own business but when asked and you honestly feel they might be having a big lapse in judgement do you speak up?

An old friend called her out of the blue and after one phone call he invited himself over and then wound up staying a few days. She was ecstatic as she used to be friendly with both him and his now deceased wife five years ago.

In that few days he told her she could give up her part time job, he loves her home, he has made her tell a lie to our park office in saying that she owns a boat when in reality he wants a place to park what she calls his yacht??? as we have a free storage yard.

Now he wants to sell his place and relocate here and move in with her. All these plans in a few days.

I know my friend is on the rebound from another romance that went south. So far I have avoided answering her but I would hate to see her give up her job etc.

What would you do, shut up or say something.
Click to expand...
I'd tell your friend to pull the geranium out of her cranium and take a hard look at what's going on here.
 
Maybe suggest that lying about the boat could get her into trouble, so the better idea would be for her to tell her friend that since he is so sure about a relationship with her, he needs to put her name on the title on the boat.

That way it won't take long to find out his intentions.
 
If she was a close friend, I would definitely have a conversation with her. This renewed friendship needs to slow down. Filling her head with “how it could be” ideas, is a form of control. It almost sounds like he is grooming her for something yet to com.

The big thing is to slow down. Ask her “What advice would you give your daughter, if the roles were reversed?”
 
Lee said:
I usually go with mind your own business but when asked and you honestly feel they might be having a big lapse in judgement do you speak up?
Click to expand...
Since she asked I think you owe it to her to speak up.

This guy sounds like an opportunist under pressure to find a new place to live and someone to pay the bills. I'd be running in the opposite direction.
 
Oh, God, NO! First, who put you in charge of determining the world's great decisions. You might ask, "Are you sure?" Or you might question the validity of something. But, the decision isn't yours. Most of the time we rationalize the hell out of our decisions, because we just "want" it. If your friend sees a row boat as a yacht , it is -to her. Nobody likes a kibitzer. While, it may make you feel better when you can say, "I told you so"; you're the only one who wants to hear that.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
Oh, God, NO! You might ask, "Are you sure?" Or you might question the validity of something. But, the decision isn't yours. Most of the time we rationalize the hell out of our decisions, because we just "want" it. If your friend sees a row as a yacht , it is -to her. Nobody like a kibitzer. While, it may make you feel better when you can say, "I told you so"; you're the only one who wants to hear that.
Click to expand...
In her first sentence Lee said her friend asked for her input.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top