Do you think of happy things in the past or the not so happy

You should find out why you're doing that. There's a reason. It's usually guilt, shame, embarrassment, disappointment in yourself....you wish you'd said this or done that....something along those lines.

I've been there. Once I figured out why I was dwelling on it, I worked on accepting that it just was what it was, and can't be changed, and I talked to my kids about it (cuz it had to do with them).

And then I was ok.
 
LoveTulips said:
I don't know why I do this. If I find myself thinking about the past, I think of stressful, sad, angry events instead of all the happy stuff. I'm trying to focus on the positive by telling myself, think happy thoughts, for god's sake! Can anyone else relate to this?
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Humans actually automatically recycle negative thoughts and it can become a habit called rumination. Something that can counteract this disruptive habit is by keeping a gratitude journal. Sometimes itā€™s easy to take for granted the things that are going good. Can you still see and hear the birds.? Do you feed them? Does the sun still shine in a particular room in your home? Do you enjoy listening to music? Can you still read an enjoyable book? Can you try a bit harder to find the glory of life?
 

LoveTulips said:
I don't know why I do this. If I find myself thinking about the past, I think of stressful, sad, angry events instead of all the happy stuff. I'm trying to focus on the positive by telling myself, think happy thoughts, for god's sake! Can anyone else relate to this?
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Yes, and it's NOT guilt, shame, embarrassment, disappointment in yourself etc... It's down to my mother whom I could never forgive.
 
LoveTulips said:
I don't know why I do this. If I find myself thinking about the past, I think of stressful, sad, angry events instead of all the happy stuff. I'm trying to focus on the positive by telling myself, think happy thoughts, for god's sake! Can anyone else relate to this?
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Having spent 36 years as a Paramedic, I can be bombarded with some of the most Horrendous memories. There are many triggers around on a daily basis. But I also have seen many Miracles too. I've made to comment many times, What I call a dream, most people would wake up screaming from the nightmare.
 
LoveTulips said:
I don't know why I do this. If I find myself thinking about the past, I think of stressful, sad, angry events instead of all the happy stuff. I'm trying to focus on the positive by telling myself, think happy thoughts, for god's sake! Can anyone else relate to this?
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I do too. There is nothing wrong with you. It has nothing to do with guilt or shame. It is the simple fact that when you think of those thoughts, you find yourself wishing that things could have been different. I had a bad childhood with plenty of verbal and physical punishment. The verbal abuse did the most damage. I simply reason it out that if I had different parents, who weren't both school dropouts and better educated, my childhood would have been a lot more happy and memorable.
 
LoveTulips said:
I don't know why I do this. If I find myself thinking about the past, I think of stressful, sad, angry events instead of all the happy stuff. I'm trying to focus on the positive by telling myself, think happy thoughts, for god's sake! Can anyone else relate to this?
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You're not alone. I've done this for years, and it's quite debilitating. I have to change my scenery or environment to snap myself out of it. This helps temporarily but it keeps coming back.
 
LoveTulips said:
I don't know why I do this. If I find myself thinking about the past, I think of stressful, sad, angry events instead of all the happy stuff. I'm trying to focus on the positive by telling myself, think happy thoughts, for god's sake! Can anyone else relate to this?
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Me too. For me it's because I'm stalled making good memories. So I drift back to the less good times.
 
Capt Lightning said:
Yes, and it's NOT guilt, shame, embarrassment, disappointment in yourself etc... It's down to my mother whom I could never forgive.
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And I ruminate about my father, who I have not been able to forgive either. I still have a lot of anger. I am angry at him but also myself for letting him stay in my life as long as I did and attempting to take care of him in his old age.
 
No, I've let go of the negative events in my past and just think about the positive ones. You cannot go back and change anything. Everything that happens to us (good or bad) makes us who were are today. For me, focusing on the positive justIt makes life better.
 
LoveTulips said:
I don't know why I do this. If I find myself thinking about the past, I think of stressful, sad, angry events instead of all the happy stuff. I'm trying to focus on the positive by telling myself, think happy thoughts, for god's sake! Can anyone else relate to this?
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Absolutely. Anyone who reads my posts here knows I'm a total debbie downer. But with some reason.

Do you have abuse in your background? I was raised by a mother prone to insane rages. She could be a good mother but her rages cancelled it. I have read this is very hard on children growing up. Never knew what to believe. I have many bad memories.
 
chic said:
Only happy thoughts from my past are recalled and relived. Why would I want to relive stress or sadness. If given a choice, which we seldom are in life, I choose happiness Thanks Very Much. :giggle: :giggle:
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When I'm stressed, often at work, the thoughts come and play like a reel in my mind. I can't get rid of them. There are supposed to be ways to stop it, but nothing has worked for me. I act like I'm functioning normally on the outside but on the inside it's a nightmare. I call myself names, it's exhausting.
 
Remy said:
Absolutely. Anyone who reads my posts here knows I'm a total debbie downer. But with some reason.

Do you have abuse in your background? I was raised by a mother prone to insane rages. She could be a good mother but her rages cancelled it. I have read this is very hard on children growing up. Never knew what to believe. I have many bad memories.
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No, I come from a very loving family. I think it is my guilt for not being there when I was needed. I am so sorry that your mother suffered from rages and you from this.
 
I think it's natural for us to think the worst first and still because of defense mechanisms that occur subconsciously out of our brains wiring genetically and as a species.

Therefore I can say that I do tend to think of bad things first most of the time. I'm trying to train my mind to think of the good things, too, and also not to be so hard on myself. I believe it's a part of human evolution. So it's not our fault individually but more of a result of our collective unconsciouses.

So be kind to yourself šŸ˜Š and remember it's not your fault.
 
RadishRose said:
The older I get the more bad memories come to me. Mostly my by own weird faults, which angered and disappointed them, no end.
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I know what you mean. I often think of things I was blamed for and other stuff I've blamed some for. It's a constant battle of sorting things out. Sometimes I wish I had a button behind my ear to press and shut out what troubles me. ,šŸ˜‰
 
In the late 80's, we were living in Magnolia, Arkansas as I had been transferred there to work in a Sour Natural Gas Processing and Sulfur Plant.

There was a Landowner, Mr. Amos, who must have been in his 80's who would come to the Plant and complain regularly about "damages" or other reasons the Oil Company should pay him monies for damages.

For sure there were many times over the 50 some odd years that the Company had operated the Field and the Plant that damage was done to his and his families land. They were paid damages and/or the Company would repair the damages.
All that is standard stuff. Very generously from what I saw.

But what I remember clearly was absolutely how bitter he was. Apparently - not sure if true, but the story was that when the Oifield was discovered that he or his family had signed over the Mineral Rights and were paid for it, and only kept Surface Rights. Thus all the claims for damages.

Well the Oilfield turned out to be vast/huge. And over the decades, he realized how much money they had given up by selling out in the beginning.

But he was so bitter, angry and hateful. It made a helluva impression on me. I remember feeling sorry for him as he was so ate up with anger, regret and was a miserable person.

I think back on him at times when I get to feeling sorry for myself and getting in a bad mood.... I do not want to be a "Mr. Amos".
 

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