Does anyone else mourn the demise of thank you notes?

K

KSav

Senior Member
Location
North Dakota
I'll probably sound like a curmudgeon, but I miss thank you notes. They don't even need to be hand-written. For example, the daughter of a friend of mine graduated last year, and I got her (what I thought was) a nice gift and card. I heard nothing, no acknowledgment whatsoever, from either the young lady or my friend. She (the young lady) recently got married. I wasn't able to attend the reception, but I did not opt to send the bride and groom a gift because I was still annoyed. I don't want to spend my hard-earned money on someone who is not even going to acknowledge it.

I raised all three of my kids (in their 20s now) to always send a hand-written thank you note for gifts. If the note was going to a grandparent or other geographically distant relative, I told them to write something more than just "Thank you for the gift"; I made sure they included a few details about their school activities, etc. Unfortunately, none of the three carried this habit into adulthood, but I still encourage nag them to at least send a thank you text or make a phone call.

I feel like not acknowledging a gift at all, in any way, is so rude.

Thoughts?
 

I absolutely agree.. and you're right, it's not just no thank you note.. it's nothing.. nothing at all..

..even my own daughter has trouble thanking me for anything.. and she's in her 40's.. it's almost like she begrudgingly says thank you.. and she'll only say it if it's something BIG...
 
One of my pet peeves - no acknowledgment of any kind for a gift. I made my children write thank you cards for everything. My 36 year old son has kept up the habit. I think my daughter does too but I know my son is as obsessive about it as I am.
 

Years ago a sending a wedding gift, I received a printed thank you card. It said ā€œThank you for the gift.ā€ I canā€™t remember if she signed it or the name of the couple was printed too. Didnā€™t matter. The marriage only lasted a year.
 
I can remember being badgered by my mother to write ā€œthank youā€œ notes for gifts as a child, even for items I wasnā€™t thrilled about like socks, clothing, or underwear. Curiously, my mother herself was not a thankful person, and she was mostly interested in getting receipts for gifted items so she could exchange them!
 
Yes, "paper thank you" notes are a rarity. And frankly, "email thank you notes" are headed the same direction.

We send cards and money to the younger extended family members for birthdays and Christmas. Some live in well to do situations, others not so much. The thing is, the ones hurting for money (& attention?) almost always send a "thank you". The ones from well to do situations, well not so much. Their parents typically cover for them, but we are talking 20 something year olds with college degrees.
 
Tommy said:
Is it that only that the custom of sending "thank you" notes is disappearing, or is the whole concept of gratitude becoming foreign to increasingly "entitled" generations?
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I think it is a little of both. It is sad and honestly makes me less inclined to give a gift. I think if we take the time to give the gift the recipient could at least take a moment to thank the giver.
 
My daughter is always saying thank you to me for stuff I do for her and her family. My son, maybe he said it once when I got him his first guitar, i don't remember. Two different kids, same parents and upbringing, one says thanks, the other very rarely. So, it also has to do with a persons temperament. I do not feel mistreated by my son. He shows his gratitude in other ways.

Also the technology has changed significantly. We had a lot of time in-between our usual encounters. Our kids can barely go a minute without being interrupted by someone or something from all the tech gadgets. They are saturated with texts. Who needs more texts when your bombarded by them. :)
 
I was brought up with manners and respect, and the "golden rule" was the mantra. I raised my 4 kids the same way, and they are now in their late 50s, and continue to demonstrate those traits. There was a time when I thought that was the norm, but sadly I gradually found out is not.
 
I always told my daughter that if someone took the time & trouble in giving you something, you should take the time thank them for it with a note. She still sends thanks you cards & she is in her 20's. I still send cards to people also.

I have a niece & a nephew whose kids always send thank you notes. My other niece's kids don't even say thank you when you hand something to them.

I've come to the opinion that if someone doesn't send or tell you thank you in some way, they shouldn't expect anything in the future. Not a lot of us are made out of money. And even if someone does have money, that doesn't mean that someone should expect something from them "just because they can afford it".
 
Paco Dennis said:
Also the technology has changed significantly. We had a lot of time in-between our usual encounters. Our kids can barely go a minute without being interrupted by someone or something from all the tech gadgets. They are saturated with texts. Who needs more texts when your bombarded by them. :)
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Good point, I think. Could "bombardment" by messages be trivializing the value of individual messages, received or to be given? Hence wearing away at former customs & habits that for so long made sense?
 
JBR said:
Good point, I think. Could "bombardment" by messages be trivializing the value of individual messages, received or to be given? Hence wearing away at former customs & habits that for so long made sense?
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So much of the way we communicated before the internet has slowly been transformed we barely notice how indifferent we have become to so much info coming at us. We have made adjustments subconsciously in major ways. Direct phone conversations are fewer, and face to face convo's are rare. So I think, yes, we have trivialized so much of the crap we get. Like junk mail coming to our real mailboxes for such a long time. I have to be careful when going through my new messages, because I have deleted important messages by mistake, and then found out later. I don't like having to scrutinize every piece of email just to see if it's important or not. About 85.63% of it is worthless. :)
 
KSav said:
I'll probably sound like a curmudgeon, but I miss thank you notes. They don't even need to be hand-written. For example, the daughter of a friend of mine graduated last year, and I got her (what I thought was) a nice gift and card. I heard nothing, no acknowledgment whatsoever, from either the young lady or my friend. She (the young lady) recently got married. I wasn't able to attend the reception, but I did not opt to send the bride and groom a gift because I was still annoyed. I don't want to spend my hard-earned money on someone who is not even going to acknowledge it.

I raised all three of my kids (in their 20s now) to always send a hand-written thank you note for gifts. If the note was going to a grandparent or other geographically distant relative, I told them to write something more than just "Thank you for the gift"; I made sure they included a few details about their school activities, etc. Unfortunately, none of the three carried this habit into adulthood, but I still encourage nag them to at least send a thank you text or make a phone call.

I feel like not acknowledging a gift at all, in any way, is so rude.

Thoughts?
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I spend a few days each week creating two weekly newsletters for the last few years. Both together there are close to 400 subscribers. About 1% of them acknowledged my effort over those years. Because of no response from the beginning, I was not sure if I was doing a good job or not. But as time went on I hardly got any unsubscribing, but got more subscribing. That reassured that I must be doing something okay, and it'smore than enough.

Ha, this reminds me of a study I read in Psychology on 'hope' by Curt Ritchie. Anyway, it's about getting a little bit of acknowledgement, especially when not expecting it, goes a long way. So, the main problem with disappointments is having an expectation in the first place.

Most people, without realizing it, fish for compliments. After all, we all have an ego which thrives on validity; so it is part of our human traits. However, we all could do better to know this truth and whenever we get disappointed to remember it was self-inflicted by having expectations.

All expectations are a form of self investment. Whenever we don't get a return for our investment we can easily experience disappointment. In this case, the ego will seek compensation, such as some sort of revengeful comeback. When this happens we embark into dangerous territory. Most murders come from revenge. Anger, jealousy, envy, gloating, etc are forms of a disappointed ego.

Because I am vulnerable to such human traits, I always gift others unconditionally, anonymously, and unexpectedly. Believe me, my return is also unconditional, not from somebody else but from my own heart.
 
reteP said:
Because I am vulnerable to such human traits, I always gift others unconditionally, anonymously, and unexpectedly. Believe me, my return is also unconditional, not from somebody else but from my own heart.
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Every gift you give is anonymous?

I was referring to gifts given to family (not immediate) and friends for specific occasions, not contributions (monetary or otherwise) to an individual or a group in need.
 
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KSav said:
Every gift you give is anonymous?

I was referring to gifts given to family (not immediate) and friends for specific occasions, not contributions (monetary or otherwise) to an individual or a group in need.
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Yep, everybody. Even at Christmas time, Santa was the culprit that left it under the tree, or somewhere else; but I am never present.
 
reteP said:
Yep, everybody. Even at Christmas time, Santa was the culprit that left it under the tree, or somewhere else; but I am never present.
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Wow. I'm not sure how I would have managed my (former) spouse's and kids' birthdays, for example. Not that I ever expected a thank you note from one of them.
 

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