Does it seem to anybody else that the wedding these days is

For our wedding, Mrs. L and I felt like gatecrashers at else's someone's party. Only knew half the people there. My brother said I was lucky to know that many. This was in 1973 (I've just looked at my calculator and that's 50 years ago - wow) and there were only two real options - church and registry office. Although we are non-believers, it had to be church (Presbyterian) to please the parents.

Thankfully things have changed and in Scotland you can have a Humanist wedding anywhere that's "safe and dignified". These weddings now outnumber all other types put together. I've told my children that if they want to get married, they can pay for it themselves. I'm not going to pay for a booze up for a bunch of freeloaders.
 

The way I see it, these days so many of the younger generation live together for years even have kids, years down the track its all old hat to them, then they realise they haven't had a wedding, the rest is history.
 

Married in 1949 during postwar years. Wedding dress made of parachute silk. Reception in my parents front room and buffet made up of rations plus neighbour's giving us a bit of their rations to help out. Even the Barrow boys contributed lettuce and tomatoes.


My mind boggles at some of today's venues.
Even my own granddaughter had a spectacular wedding at this place below named Coombe Abbey that must have cost the earth, not that I paid anything toward it but weddings nowadays seem SO over the top compared to years ago.
 

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I've never got married but I think the costs are nuts. Shows like Say Yes To The Dress, much like Home and Garden TV shows make people think that dress, that day, those counter tops and new bath will make everything happy. And it won't.

With a what? 50/50 chance of the marriage making it and how many of those 50% are actually happy, I don't get it.

Years ago a guy who did flowers for weddings (He called into KGO radio) stated he was getting to the point he couldn't stand it. Bride meltdowns because the shade of some flower was off. He said the ethnic weddings never had a meltdown and those were a lot better.
 
I saw a study once that said the more expensive the wedding, the higher incident of divorce. I can believe that.

When the emphasis is on the wedding and not the marriage, all bets are off.
I've heard similar. That the Vegas and Reno Nevada weddings actually have a higher success rate. Speaking for U.S. only of course.
 
There was a nurse, a co-worker, whose daughter was getting married. Her home was paid off, and while she wasn't rich, she wasn't hurting either. She planned this mega-wedding. She took out a mortgage on her home to pay for the wedding. This was a huge wedding costing many tens of thousands. She was 40+ and debt free before the wedding, but after she would have to work till she was 70 to pay it off. So, the daughter gets married, but the new husband has a problem. As good Catholics, the couple didn't have pre-marital sex. And his wife's sex didn't exactly allow him to rise to the occasion. They got an annulment 4 weeks after getting married. Personally, I thought the wedding was a waste of money, even before the annulment. A wedding is one thing, an extravagancy is another.
 
What amazes me is the groom being the one who wants a big wedding. Both of my DDs had men like this.

Little girls were often raised with Cinderella tales. The only occasion to wear this magnificent garb was weddings and proms. Cruises used to expect a formal night but that’s become less popular.
 
When my husband and I got married we had our dinner at a really nice place. Many years later when my daughter got married she wanted to have her dinner at the same place where we had ours. When the owners heard we had our dinner there the year the restaurant opened they said if they would be able during the dinner make me and my husband say how nice our dinner was and they would not charge us anything for our daughters' dinner. I said "No thank you" I didn't want to take attention on my daughter's day, so we had the dinner at another restaurant.
 
Well, I must be an anomaly. DH & I are married over 40 years. Our wedding was just as I wanted it. Big poufy dress, bridemaids, tuxedos, vows and fabulous party in my parents' yard and house. Had 125 people with an open bar including imported beer and every kind of liquor you can imagine. The food was spectacular.

It was one of the best parties I'd ever been to, if I do say so myself. My parents and in-laws each kicked in $1000; DH and I picked up the rest. We started at 4:00 pm and didn't wrap up until midnight.

When it was time for our own children to get married, we gave each $10K toward their weddings. They all had large weddings that they helped pay for, are still married, and none of us regrets a thing.

Then again, I'm a woman who loves a good party - as anyone on SF who's been paying attention to my posts well knows.
 
I dated a very high maintenance woman that comes from a very wealthy family on New Year’s Eve. She looks 25, but she’s 48, which is 13 years younger than me. We got into a discussion with two other couples and they were talking about their upcoming weddings. I did wonder why my date never married because she is very nice looking, wealthy and a kind person. She made the comment that she wants at least a $20,000 engagement ring and 300 guests at her wedding. I asked her what did Daddy think about all of this. She told us that he thought she should invite more. I quickly wrote her off my list of “maybes” and it was a shame because she had it all. But I knew she was privileged and high maintenance and was not what I was looking for. Are weddings really that big anymore?


RUN!!!!!!


So very true there, click to enlarge and read.
 

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i was companion to my future ex-wife for seven years till we had our wonderful wedding at the chicago cultural center (formerly the elite south shore country club.) the same place the obamas got married. it was quite an extravaganza and really about celebrating our families and friends. 20 years later, our divorce parties were even more fun! we remain friends though we've parted.

my next wedding was out of hand. fell in love with my mom's caretaker and had a kid. joined a hundred (or more) other couples during a mass celebration around valentine's day. the governor of the province and mayor of the city were there and we all had a laugh because both realized that they had a mutual friend.

sometimes weddings are those cinderella moments that take on a life of their own...
 
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My wife and I went to an elaborate wedding just before the holidays. The bride told my wife she wanted to get married on Christmas or New Years Day, but the groom’s parents were absolutely opposed to it. They are Jewish, but what would that have to do with it? I’m not familiar with Jewish culture.

The reception was held at a Country Club banquet hall. It was decorated beautifully with stringed lights and flowers all over the hall. They had a 6 piece orchestra and my wife said she thinks the bride’s gown had to cost about $7500 because it had a 4-6 foot train on it. The bride, whose mother is a good friend of my wife told her the alterations cost $1600.00. (My wife is sitting here, so I was able to get the numbers from her. It seems women never forget prices.) There were 2 video cameras running throughout the evening, they served hors d’Oeuvres, which they brought around table to table on trays, they had some kind if fountain running with an alcoholic beverage, open bar and we had to choose our entree. Champagne toast and besides the wedding cake, they had desserts placed around the outside of the room on a ledge under the windows. I probably forgot something, but it was the most elaborate wedding I had ever been to.

By the way, I had Chicken Cordon Bleu, but the bacon wrapped scallops on the hors d’Oeuvres tray was better. After the church service, the couple left in an all white Lincoln limo.
 
The bride told my wife she wanted to get married on Christmas or New Years Day, but the groom’s parents were absolutely opposed to it. They are Jewish, but what would that have to do with it?
The groom's family likely has friends who celebrate Christmas - the bride's too, for that matter. Surely they realize many people have longstanding Christmas, NYE and/or NYD traditions.

The bride may be a delightful young woman, but has more to learn about considering other people's lives and traditions. Good for the groom's parents for nixing those dates.

I've been to a few very expensive, elaborate weddings and bar/bat mitvahs. Completely enjoyed them and consider myself lucky to have been invited to such posh affairs. People are free to choose how to spend their money and can decide whether events are worthy of celebrating in a very big way.

As long as they're not asking me to pay their bills, who am I to judge?
 
The groom's family likely has friends who celebrate Christmas - the bride's too, for that matter. Surely they realize many people have longstanding Christmas, NYE and/or NYD traditions.

The bride may be a delightful young woman, but has more to learn about considering other people's lives and traditions. Good for the groom's parents for nixing those dates.

I've been to a few very expensive, elaborate weddings and bar/bat mitvahs. Completely enjoyed them and consider myself lucky to have been invited to such posh affairs. People are free to choose how to spend their money and can decide whether events are worthy of celebrating in a very big way.

As long as they're not asking me to pay their bills, who am I to judge?
I agree and was thankful that my daughter didn’t ask for all the goodies she had.
 
I also notice that more weddings are being held on a Friday afternoon, instead of Saturday. I’m told it’s cheaper to get married on a Friday.
 
My wedding was the usual affair common in my set in the 1960's, church wedding, reception in the church social hall, cake-nuts-mints-punch, no booze. Open invitation to everyone in the church. I already had my dress left over from a previous engagement (hey, it was my dream dress that I bought in Vienna and dammit, I was going to wear it!). I think the whole thing cost about $300 tops. My mom made the bridesmaid dresses.

My daughter had to have a moderately big event. Church wedding, limo, reception in the banquet hall of a nice local restaurant, food, champagne punch (with very little champagne in it), no booze because the bride and a lot of her friends were underage and I didn't want to have to police the under-age drinking. There was a bar down the hall and if someone couldn't make it through a couple of hours without a strong drink, they could walk down the hall and get one and the bartender could do the policing. I barely got the wedding paid off before the divorce. Sigh.

My granddaughter, on the other hand, and her fiance were very financially astute. They wanted a fun wedding with family and friends around without getting in a money bind over it. I asked her what she was planning to wear and she said, "Oh, I'll wear something I have." Nope....she was going to wear a wedding dress whether she liked it or not, so I flew up one weekend and we went dress hunting. Luckily, she's a size 3 (sample size) and we were able to find a sample wedding dress that she absolutely loved for $135, which I bought. Very simple dress, lacy and sleek, just her style. No veil. She made all the bouquets and decorations, using a lace-burlap-pearls theme, which was popular at the time. Her step-grandfather cut down a tree on his property and made/sanded/finished slabs of wood that she used as the base for her table decorations. Tables and chairs were borrowed from their church.

They had a Saturday afternoon backyard wedding. She described it as " Hey, we're having a BBQ. Oh, and we're getting married, too." Instead of renting marquee tents and a wedding arch, they bought them off Amazon and ended up selling them afterward for quite a bit more than they had paid for them. Friends gave them "favors" instead of wedding presents like supplying a large catering-style BBQ grill, photography from a friend who was trying to break into the business, a friend got buns from the business he worked at, another got meat from his business. Her maids wore whatever navy blue dresses they had and the groom and his guys wore navy pants, grey shirts and navy ties. A friend got "ordained" to marry them (their minister wouldn't perform the ceremony because they had been living together....but that's another story). Somebody else got a discount on beer, booze and mixers. The cake and cupcakes and side dishes came from Costco. Another friend rented them a port-a-potty which was behind the garage for the guys to use. (They only had one bathroom in the house and that was reserved for the ladies. Altogether, they paid less than $2000 for the wedding and got at least $500 of that back. They were just as married as if they had spent $50,000 on a lavish wedding. Everyone had a great time. Folks were dressed "nice casual" and they all went clubbing that evening.
 
I've heard similar. That the Vegas and Reno Nevada weddings actually have a higher success rate. Speaking for U.S. only of course.
Got married to my ex down the road from Reno in Carson City, maybe that's why it didn't last. 😅 Actually we did go to Reno afterward and eat at some seafood buffet, that was amazing.

Present marriage: going on 20 years this coming May. We just went to the county clerk's office, a clerk processed the paperwork, then assumed the role of officiating the marriage. Those in attendance joined us in celebrating at a nearby Olive Garden restaurant.
 
Got married to my ex down the road from Reno in Carson City, maybe that's why it didn't last. 😅 Actually we did go to Reno afterward and eat at some seafood buffet, that was amazing.

Present marriage: going on 20 years this coming May. We just went to the county clerk's office, a clerk processed the paperwork, then assumed the role of officiating the marriage. Those in attendance joined us in celebrating at a nearby Olive Garden restaurant.
I think the courthouse marriages are included in that. You are 50/50. :)
 
JMO, its seems like the most successful weddings are the ones the bride and groom pay most of it themselves. They’re starting off with realistic financial plans.
 


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