Dont make my mistake...dont spoil your adult kids,,,in the end u loose them.

M

My3

New Member
I may never understand ...in an attempt to make up for my 3 kids Dad not being their for them after a bad divorce,,,I did too much,,,in the end they all turned out not to appreciate but to exspect..its my fault the more u do for your adult child ..the slower they learn to be an adult...in the end I have one child 33 who stopped being in my life 2 years ago...because he stopped being in his son life and wanted me to be ok with it,..i have one sone 30 who talks to me with such disrespect..and a daughter 24 who has had drug alcohol attempted suicide issues issues..and only calls when she needs me to bail her out...i love them..and miss them..but i cant go on paying for them...or being abused or abandoned...ive made a choice to change my will to protect me...to protect their children ...i will leave what would have went to them to my Grandchildren...very sad never thought this would be my life..i have a broken heart.
 

I think we all do the best we can, no one is perfect. I have a close gal-friend from highschool that could have written your topic. I have no children, and chose to live my life alone, and I have regrets at times. This is a good place with some really, neat people. Keep coming around and visiting. You'll find, if nothing else, you are not alone;) Denise
 

Welcome My3 to SF....and I just want to say that you must be in a horrible emotional place at the moment to come and make it your first post on a new forum.

You are very welcome to tell us , and we will listen and if you need advice too there are lots who can empathise with your position. So sorry you're going through this hurt at the moment, but do stay with us, it does really help to just talk it out.
 
Welcome to the forum My3. We do what we think is right for our children at the time. Sometimes it doesn't turn out the way we hoped that it would. I hope that you find peace with your children soon.
 
Hi My3, we do what we think is right at the time, can we be blamed for that, ? I don't think so. Your kids need to accept responsibility for their actions, you appear to have done right by them, time is overdue for them to do right by you. If not, take a few steps backwards.
 
Thanks, My3 for sharing with us. As others have said, don't blame yourself for anything ... just LET GO of the situation and wish them well, and do what it takes so that you feel good about things. Don't say you did too much ... you did at the time what you felt was right for you AND for them.
We each do, at the time, what we do... there is no going back, so why bother regretting it? As the saying goes: don't let the thoughts of the past nor fears of the future ruin the only thing we have: NOW.
I have a feeling you are going to find things that make you feel good and your heart sing... just do them..go places, do things and enjoy yourself! You deserve that.
Lots of love and luck to you! :love_heart:
 
MY3, back in the day I would tell my husband "Honey, you're not doing her any favors." It wasn't even a matter of spoiling, rather digging her out whenever she needed help. I think it's a common parental mistake, it's just in your case, in my opinion the price was too high.

If you find that you are having too much trouble processing and coming to terms with how things turned out, you may want to seek help.
 
Oh dear, kids, kids, kids.......the biggest heartbreak in our lives. I feel your pain. Animals rear their offspring up to a certain age, then cast them adrift to look after themselves. What a pity that we don't do the same...but we don't.....for some reason we feel so much love for our kids that we try to keep the apron strings tied. All you can remember is that you did your best at the formative time of their lives and then...you have to let go. No matter what any of us say on here, you know your own problems. From the outside, it is easy for us to give you advice. Time for you to have a bit of life to yourself.....whatever you do won't change the situation....so find things to do to enable you to enjoy the rest of your life.....we don't get a second chance.
 
Sent you a private message, My3.

You're not alone. I never thought this would be my life, either. Not in my worst nightmare. I care. And I hurt for you.
 
You are not alone. I did my best, but it wasn't enough or it was too much. I won't ever know. I did all I could do, lovingly and willingly. I couldn't do any more, any different. I accept myself and know I did the best I could. I made mistakes, everyone does. I didn't abandon, abuse, or neglect. I loved and gave all I could. I don't have anything left to give, and I would rather be alone than walk on eggshells trying to be whatever it is that I'm not.

I am enough, I do enough, and I have enough. Wish it were different? Of course I do, but it's not, and I'm okay.

You are not alone. Your "real" family is made of those who care for you. Blood is irrelevant.
 
Words, and others’ opinions can only hurt me, if I allow others to be in control of me
.http://www.fragrantheart.com/

 

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