End of life questions?

Paco Dennis

Paco Dennis

SF VIP
Location
Mid-Missouri
As we age there comes a time where we begin to struggle with illnesses. Some we overcome, some we live with, and some become unbearable. Some people want to die at home with little to no medication, some want to go to the hospital. I have questions about whether or not to put myself in the hands of the medical industry, or to die at home. All of us, no matter the age, are going to make decisions on how much we get involved in the medical industry and balance that with dealing with the illness at home. When is it time to throw in the towel? Or do we keep doing everything possible to stay alive, even if we continue to suffer?
 

There no universal answer to that question and I know you don’t expect one. It’s a very personal decision in which many factors are balanced.

Assuming I’m mentally able to make decisions about my care if gets to the point that I can no longer care for myself, a big factor for me will be not wanting to burden my children with my care if my husband is no longer around or is unable to do so.

Another factor is whether or not I am legally allowed to “throw in the towel” so to speak. It’s one thing to have a DNR in place, another to choose a legally assisted suicide. And that too, for me anyway because I’m so close with all my kids, comes with questions about their wishes in the matter. Yes, it’s ultimately my decision, but I don’t want to leave this life with disharmony and discord between my loved ones and me.
 
Paco Dennis said:
When is it time to throw in the towel? Or do we keep doing everything possible to stay alive, even if we continue to suffer?
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Really good question

I'm hoping for severe pain at the very end
I'll welcome sweet death

As far as the medical profession?
I don't know whether to trust 'em or thumb my nose at 'em
Gonna give that one to God
And pray their hands and minds complete his will
 
One of the constant problems I have with medicine, especially the Doctor prescribed ones, is the side-effects. They are so annoying sometimes, and can even make you more ill...and then they add this or that to take care of the side-effects, which creates more and complicated effects. When it gets this far , again how long do we put up with it...i guess this is a universal issue and everyone handles it differently. Thanks for the interesting replies. Universal issue - Each persons choice. :)
 
Paco Dennis said:
One of the constant problems I have with medicine, especially the Doctor prescribed ones, is the side-effects. They are so annoying sometimes, and can even make you more ill...and then they add this or that to take care of the side-effects, which creates more and complicated effects. When it gets this far , again how long do we put up with it...i guess this is a universal issue and everyone handles it differently. Thanks for the interesting replies. Universal issue - Each persons choice. :)
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"Each person's choice" is the way it should be... but what if it isn't?
I mean what if there's no one you can count on to do things your way, and do everything their own way instead, even when it conflicts with what you want?
 
JaniceM said:
"Each person's choice" is the way it should be... but what if it isn't?
I mean what if there's no one you can count on to do things your way, and do everything their own way instead, even when it conflicts with what you want?
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I know. It is so complicated. I have a "Do not resuscitate order and bracelet, but what if stuff happens that puts me in a coma! Think of the fortune that would take. Plus, one doesn't have hardly any choice when it comes to accepting the Doctors medication, so you are not free to quit them because of the peril.
 
Paco Dennis said:
I know. It is so complicated. I have a "Do not resuscitate order and bracelet, but what if stuff happens that puts me in a coma! Think of the fortune that would take. Plus, one doesn't have hardly any choice when it comes to accepting the Doctors medication, so you are not free to quit them because of the peril.
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True.
But there are other concerns, too. My father, for example, wanted to die at home. He also wanted a simple, no-frills burial. Although nobody would've listened to me if I'd been able to be there anyway, whomever was in charge made sure his last wishes were not carried out.
 
I have instructions in my will not to be kept alive for no reason, and I think it may be on my medical records. I know my time is coming, but I don't think about it. I plan to go quietly. My life is complete. I've done everything I really wanted to do. Regrets are few.
 
JaniceM said:
True.
But there are other concerns, too. My father, for example, wanted to die at home. He also wanted a simple, no-frills burial. Although nobody would've listened to me if I'd been able to be there anyway, whomever was in charge made sure his last wishes were not carried out.
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That is a shame.
 
Gary O' said:
Really good question

I'm hoping for severe pain at the very end
I'll welcome sweet death

As far as the medical profession?
I don't know whether to trust 'em or thumb my nose at 'em
Gonna give that one to God
And pray their hands and minds complete his will
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Most of the doctors I have known are sincerely good people trying to serve humanity. Big business generally owns the pharmaceuticals and more and more hospitals. So, I would say, some you can trust and some you cannot.
 
DebraMae said:
Most of the doctors I have known are sincerely good people trying to serve humanity. Big business generally owns the pharmaceuticals and more and more hospitals. So, I would say, some you can trust and some you cannot.
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That's true. I trust my doctor, and she trusts me. If I say that a problem in my leg feels like it could be neurological, she refers me to a neurologist.

Unfortunately, the CDC decides treatment protocols, and it appears their decisions are heavily influenced by the major pharmaceutical and insurance companies. Also, when you're hospitalized, you are no longer just your doctor's patient, you're the hospital's patient, and as much a liability as a patient. So, to avoid trouble, hospitals will demand your doctor follow CDC treatment protocol to the letter even if the doctor is aware of an alternative treatment that would improve your condition quicker and/or more effectively.

I want to die at home, and I prefer to see to it myself. Self-euthanization isn't legal in Calif. and assisted suicide is only legal for the terminally ill. So I have my own chemically-induced-suicide kit ready to use when I decide to use it.

Meanwhile, I live to have fun, do the right thing (yes, you can do both), and love my family and friends at full volume.
 
Paco Dennis said:
I got involved in one of the top Medical Universities Health system. It is a teaching hospital. I feel like over the past 15 years I have been experimented on kinda like a lab rat. :) But, you are definitely right, there are some very good and caring Doctors!
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I feel really lucky to be a patient of a university medical center. For one thing, they're always the first hospital to get the latest cutting-edge medical equipment. But also, I like that my body and all it's fluids are teaching tools for student doctors, and I like saying stuff to them like, "You wanna see something really weird?" while unbuttoning my pants.
 
I would like to have the option of medically assisted suicide.

Beyond that, I want to be comfortable with palliative care and continue my boring little routine.

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
- Will Rogers
 
JaniceM said:
"Each person's choice" is the way it should be... but what if it isn't?
I mean what if there's no one you can count on to do things your way, and do everything their own way instead, even when it conflicts with what you want?
Click to expand...
JaniceM said:
True.
But there are other concerns, too. My father, for example, wanted to die at home. He also wanted a simple, no-frills burial. Although nobody would've listened to me if I'd been able to be there anyway, whomever was in charge made sure his last wishes were not carried out.
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I'm sorry, @JaniceM. That's upsetting. It's not unusual for someone's last wishes to be ignored and for those left in "charge" to do whatever they prefer. I've been witness to it more than once. Before one of my best friends died at only 36 years old, she specifically told her mother and siblings that she did not want to be viewed. When my husband and I went to her funeral to pay our respects, I wasn't expecting to see her in a casket. I was so upset that they did that that I actually said something to one of her sisters. I asked why my friend was laid out when she was adamantly opposed to it. The sister rang her hands as she told me, "Well, my mother wanted it."

If it was my sibling, and my mother "wanted it", I would've fought tooth and nail to bury my sister the way she wanted to be buried, telling my mother I understood what she wanted, and I'm sorry, but it's not her decision. That decision was already made by my sister, and she'll be buried the way she wanted to be buried, exactly as she chose.

Janice I know you didn't have any say about your father, and I'm sorry. I'll never understand why people put their needs ahead of what their loved ones want. No matter how I felt about it, I couldn't do that.

After what I've seen and heard, I don't trust anyone to carry out my wishes. I have my own exit plan.

Bella ✌️
 
DebraMae said:
Most of the doctors I have known are sincerely good people trying to serve humanity. Big business generally owns the pharmaceuticals and more and more hospitals. So, I would say, some you can trust and some you cannot.
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(y)

I'll follow with the best route of care that my medical provider offers, and would like to leave no stones unturned, if battling a catastrophic illness. But, I'd prefer to die at home when healthcare options have run out...
 
Bella said:
I'm sorry, @JaniceM. That's upsetting. It's not unusual for someone's last wishes to be ignored and for those left in "charge" to do whatever they prefer. I've been witness to it more than once. Before one of my best friends died at only 36 years old, she specifically told her mother and siblings that she did not want to be viewed. When my husband and I went to her funeral to pay our respects, I wasn't expecting to see her in a casket. I was so upset that they did that that I actually said something to one of her sisters. I asked why my friend was laid out when she was adamantly opposed to it. The sister rang her hands as she told me, "Well, my mother wanted it."

If it was my sibling, and my mother "wanted it", I would've fought tooth and nail to bury my sister the way she wanted to be buried, telling my mother I understood what she wanted, and I'm sorry, but it's not her decision. That decision was already made by my sister, and she'll be buried the way she wanted to be buried, exactly as she chose.

Janice I know you didn't have any say about your father, and I'm sorry. I'll never understand why people put their needs ahead of what their loved ones want. No matter how I felt about it, I couldn't do that.

After what I've seen and heard, I don't trust anyone to carry out my wishes. I have my own exit plan.

Bella ✌️
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I agree. If there's one thing people can do for their "loved ones" it's honor their last requests.. and should.
 
JustDave said:
I have instructions in my will not to be kept alive for no reason, and I think it may be on my medical records. I know my time is coming, but I don't think about it. I plan to go quietly. My life is complete. I've done everything I really wanted to do. Regrets are few.
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What good is it to have termination of life wishes in a Will? Wills come into play after death.
An Advanced Directive would be the document. If you are going in for surgery, for example, the facility would always asked if you have one.
 

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