Enter At Your Own Risk

Maybe it's just my imagination or wishful thinking, but sometimes it feels like this blood flow business is maybe getting better. Two "maybe"s in one sentence ... hmmmm... Anyway, yesterday I skipped the treadmill walking because either things are getting worse or this is just muscle pain from working those muscles hard which means take a day for recovery, which is what I did.

I did take the dogs for a long walk and it went pretty well, although this grumpy old shih tzu does stop a lot to sniff and mark, male that he is. It's a challenge to take them both at the same time. I don't do that very often because, although he walks well on a leash even with all the stopping which I sometimes allow, the young female spaniel mix is still working on that skill. He is a sniffer and she is a chaser so it always ends up with her pulling ahead and him lagging behind and I am walking sideways down/up the road. Most times I take them separately which helps with her leash training.

She does pretty well now until we walk past the neighbor's house. She knows they have cats and a dog, and she loves the young people who often will come out and pet her and oooh and aaah over her because she is just too cute for words and she knows this so she always wants to turn into their drive. She practices "cute" a lot and has that down pat.

They have an Old English Sheepdog, very large and one of the nicest dogs I have ever met. My little girl loves him! She jumps on him and of course, he starts sniffing at her and sometimes she falls over. He isn't aggressive at all but it is funny to watch them together because when she realizes she is truly out of his league, she tucks tail and goes underneath him where he can't reach without twisting around and she is faster than him. Appropriately, his name is "Hoss".

Sometimes, my little Chloe will be outside in her fenced yard and she will hear Hoss barking and they will have a conversation back and forth. Now and then, Charley (the golden doodle that lives a bit further down the road) will join in and all three of them will be conversing, maybe about what's gonna be for dinner? Or what scent they noticed from some animal that came through last night? "Hey Charley, did you smell that bobcat that came through here last night?" "Hoss, I think that was a raccoon, you idiot." Hoss replies, "Well, I know it wasn't a sheep." And Chloe says, "Whatever it was, I'll chase it next time it comes through. Don't worry guys, I got your back."

I don't know. I took Spanish and French in school. They didn't offer Dog.
 
A funny thing happened this morning.

Woke up at dark thirty, laid there for a while, gave up and got up (2:30 am). Started the usual morning routine and Chloe came out of the bedroom with "we're getting up now?" look. I offered her "outside?", she just sat there and looked at me. I know what she was thinking. "Are you crazy? Do you have any idea what time it is? It's dark and cold out there; why would I want to go outside now?" I sat down at the computer and a few minutes later, looked around and she was missing She had gone back to bed. Smart dog.
 

GoodEnuff said:
A funny thing happened this morning.

Woke up at dark thirty, laid there for a while, gave up and got up (2:30 am). Started the usual morning routine and Chloe came out of the bedroom with "we're getting up now?" look. I offered her "outside?", she just sat there and looked at me. I know what she was thinking. "Are you crazy? Do you have any idea what time it is? It's dark and cold out there; why would I want to go outside now?" I sat down at the computer and a few minutes later, looked around and she was missing She had gone back to bed. Smart dog.
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That sounds familiar.
 
I have a project! Yay!! Gonna have that old barn torn down before Mother Nature beats me to it. Have spoken to a young man who will bring a crew to do this and haul it away. Meanwhile, I will sort through the stuff in there. Probably a mouse haven. Knee high rubber boots, gloves, safety glasses, and N-95 mask. It will be a bit limited because winter isn't over and snow is expected tonight and tomorrow (6-12" they say) so anything I pile up outside is subject to that.

Some of it is too large or too heavy for me and may have to wait for the crew. Or I will hire the teenager next door to help. I hear he's looking for work. A huge pile of old lumber and corrugated roofing/siding material, some of which I may repurpose. Most of it will be hauled away, though. I have a box of 40 contractor trash bags (hope that's enough), shovel, rake, wheel barrow and wagon. Beep beep!

Feeling so good this past week. Could it be the bupropion? If that is the case, I will stay on it for the rest of my life!
 
GoodEnuff said:
I have a project! Yay!! Gonna have that old barn torn down before Mother Nature beats me to it. Have spoken to a young man who will bring a crew to do this and haul it away. Meanwhile, I will sort through the stuff in there. Probably a mouse haven. Knee high rubber boots, gloves, safety glasses, and N-95 mask. It will be a bit limited because winter isn't over and snow is expected tonight and tomorrow (6-12" they say) so anything I pile up outside is subject to that.

Some of it is too large or too heavy for me and may have to wait for the crew. Or I will hire the teenager next door to help. I hear he's looking for work. A huge pile of old lumber and corrugated roofing/siding material, some of which I may repurpose. Most of it will be hauled away, though. I have a box of 40 contractor trash bags (hope that's enough), shovel, rake, wheel barrow and wagon. Beep beep!

Feeling so good this past week. Could it be the bupropion? If that is the case, I will stay on it for the rest of my life!
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Go for it!
 
Barn Project: Many years ago, the owner of this property raised a cow, chickens and rabbits. This old barn is a left over from those times. In addition, they tried opening a commercial greenhouse so there is this frame only quanset-type building back there. It was a huge bust but it left hundreds of pots and seed trays and other garden type materials, most of which are stored in that old barn. Some of it is lightweight plastic and crumbles to the touch.

Will see what can be done to get rid of all this stuff.

Edited to shorten.
 
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GoodEnuff said:
Barn Project: Many years ago, the owner of this property raised a cow, chickens and rabbits. This old barn is a left over from those times. In addition, they tried opening a commercial greenhouse so there is this frame only quanset-type building back there. It was a huge bust but it left hundreds of pots and seed trays and other garden type materials, most of which are stored in that old barn. Some of it is lightweight plastic and crumbles to the touch.

Will see what can be done to get rid of all this stuff.

Edited to shorten.
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You got your work cut out.
 
Snowed about six inches yesterday, then warmed up enough to melt in certain sunny locations. I did shovel the driveway entrance and a section of the roadside for the mail carrier. The USPS left a notice in my mailbox a couple of months ago that said the approach to the mailbox must be cleared of snow, along with a diagram of same. They want 30 feet. I certainly don't want to miss any of those ads and other junk mail, the highlight of my day, doncha know.

One of the thought processes that seems to have helped with The Quit has been realizing that denial has become a lifestyle. I have practiced that for 16 years with food. Why not with cigarettes? Same thing, right? Craving pizza? Too bad. Want a soda? Tough luck. Just isn't gonna happen. I used to think I was a food addict. That is what I now tell myself about a cigarette craving. "Too bad, nope, no way. No pizza, no smokes. Get over it." It seems to be working, so far.
 
GoodEnuff said:
Snowed about six inches yesterday, then warmed up enough to melt in certain sunny locations. I did shovel the driveway entrance and a section of the roadside for the mail carrier. The USPS left a notice in my mailbox a couple of months ago that said the approach to the mailbox must be cleared of snow, along with a diagram of same. They want 30 feet. I certainly don't want to miss any of those ads and other junk mail, the highlight of my day, doncha know.

One of the thought processes that seems to have helped with The Quit has been realizing that denial has become a lifestyle. I have practiced that for 16 years with food. Why not with cigarettes? Same thing, right? Craving pizza? Too bad. Want a soda? Tough luck. Just isn't gonna happen. I used to think I was a food addict. That is what I now tell myself about a cigarette craving. "Too bad, nope, no way. No pizza, no smokes. Get over it." It seems to be working, so far.
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I play a similar head game with peppermint chocolate. Once I start the box will be gone. Only peppermint. Nothing else. No temptation. A by of peppermint patties is in the kitchen freezer and a bag of perfect peppermint bark in the patch door in full view. You can do it!
 
Twostep said:
I play a similar head game with peppermint chocolate. Once I start the box will be gone. Only peppermint. Nothing else. No temptation. A by of peppermint patties is in the kitchen freezer and a bag of perfect peppermint bark in the patch door in full view. You can do it!
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You keep it in full view? Wow! Kudos to you! I don't even go down those aisles. If it's here, it's gone.
 
GoodEnuff said:
You keep it in full view? Wow! Kudos to you! I don't even go down those aisles. If it's here, it's gone.
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Open pantry door and it stares you in the face. Has been there since Thanksgiving. Over the course of the last year I got used to yoghurt. Whole milk only with Tajin, hot sauce, cowboy candy - anything but sweet. Saturday is coffee and a reheated donut in bed. Honestly, I eat it because it gets served and comes with pleasant company.
 
Didn't do much yesterday. The weather was very strange, sun shining and the next minute snowing so hard I coudn't see the neighbor's house. Managed to take both dogs for their walks during a sunny period, even though it was snowing. Didn't seem to bother the dogs. Young Chloe is doing really well on the leash! What a relief not to have her pulling hard the whole walk. She keeps a fast pace, which is good for me. I do have to stop once on the way back because it is uphill. The older Little Guy gets a different walk. We go the short route uphill first, during which he now drags along very slowly. Coming back downhill, he trots along like in his younger days.

I think he is losing his hearing. Either that, or he is just starting to ignore me. There have been a few times recently when I came up behind him, spoke his name, then lightly touched him and he jumped.

In the past week, during sleep, he has suddenly jumped up from a sound sleep and started running across the bed. This is a totally new behavior. It wakes me and I immediately place my hand on him as I do not want him jumping off the bed, it's just too high for him. And it seems to calm him. Bad dreams? I don't know. But his behavior the past couple of weeks has changed. He stands in one place for long periods of time, just staring into space and now and then will stumble without reason.

My other shih tzus did this same type of thing in their last months/year. It's a central nervous system issue (brain) according to the vets. I think it is a breed thing, too. His behavior seems to be affecting young Chloe, too. She stands and watches him, waiting to see what he is going to do. She follows his lead but now he doesn't seem to be leading at times. I think she is confused. She will look up at me like "What are we doing now?" The pack relationships are changing. I can feel it.

If he follows the same path as my other shih tzus, we still have some time together. Not looking forward to the inevitable. I wonder how Chloe will react to being the only dog. She was born in a shelter and spent her first 11 weeks with her two siblings, never alone. I think she also feels the change, though. She is the smartest pet I have ever owned.
 
gruntlabor said:
Do not ask more of me --I will perish under the colossal effort.
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This is the truest statement by an ex-smoker that I have ever read or heard.
Cigarettes were my last "treat". Now even that is gone. Can I have just one? No way. Everybody knows that, right?

Can an alcoholic have just one drink? Or a drug addict have just one hit? No way.

Same thing with certain foods. Can I have just one? No way. I know that. Just like cigarettes. Just like alcohol. Just like drugs.

Most people will go out to eat to celebrate or bring home a cake or ice cream for a birthday or bake a pie for a holiday. Or have chips and dip while watching a movie or having friends over. I dare not do that. Think about how limiting that is? Meet a friend for lunch? Or have people over for dinner or even just a game night? Or celebrate holidays with others? No. A sibling once asked me, "Why is it all our family gatherings center around food and alcohol?" I gave up all of that and cigarettes were what I had left.

For 57 years, cigarettes were my best friend. They were always there for me, good times and bad. They never tried to tell me how to live my life, give me poor advice, or make me feel like a failure when I played a wrong card in a game. When I was depressed, upset, unhappy, lonely, smoking one would always make me feel better. If I was celebrating, they shared my happiness. Now I don't even have that. And as @gruntlabor writes, "Do not ask more of me -- I will perish under the colossal effort." That is what quitting smoking feels like. I am hanging in there with all I have.
 
GoodEnuff said:
This is the truest statement by an ex-smoker that I have ever read or heard.
Cigarettes were my last "treat". Now even that is gone. Can I have just one? No way. Everybody knows that, right?

Can an alcoholic have just one drink? Or a drug addict have just one hit? No way.

Same thing with certain foods. Can I have just one? No way. I know that. Just like cigarettes. Just like alcohol. Just like drugs.

Most people will go out to eat to celebrate or bring home a cake or ice cream for a birthday or bake a pie for a holiday. Or have chips and dip while watching a movie or having friends over. I dare not do that. Think about how limiting that is? Meet a friend for lunch? Or have people over for dinner or even just a game night? Or celebrate holidays with others? No. A sibling once asked me, "Why is it all our family gatherings center around food and alcohol?" I gave up all of that and cigarettes were what I had left.

For 57 years, cigarettes were my best friend. They were always there for me, good times and bad. They never tried to tell me how to live my life, give me poor advice, or make me feel like a failure when I played a wrong card in a game. When I was depressed, upset, unhappy, lonely, smoking one would always make me feel better. If I was celebrating, they shared my happiness. Now I don't even have that. And as @gruntlabor writes, "Do not ask more of me -- I will perish under the colossal effort." That is what quitting smoking feels like. I am hanging in there with all I have.
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They call ours 'addictive personality', but physical proof, at least of alcoholism, can be found in autopsies.
I still use the lettuce rolls I described in post #9. They were smoked in WWII Germany when cigarettes couldn't be had.
I wouldn't smoke store-bought tobacco today if it came free and recommended for health. My homemade tastes better.
 
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Yesterday was a Great Success!! The young man who does lots of work for me called and asked if he could come and start on that old barn project. I was at Walmart when he called and you can bet I checked out and came home.

OMG! This young man works like some sort of whirling dervish. I was out there with him, dragging stuff out while he stacked it and carried it to the trailer which was going to the dump. After about three hours, I pooped out. He just kept going, putting the Energizer Bunny to shame. Almost everything is now gone. This weekend, he will try to return to tear down the barn and haul it off. He did in four hours what would have taken me weeks to do, and some of it I couldn't have done -- too heavy, too big, too everything. Charged less than $300, which included the cost of renting the large trailer, the dump fees, his labor, and the two young helpers he had come over the last hour or two.

I was hoping to repurpose some of it, like that large stack of lumber, but it was just too rotten to even consider using. Most of it was rather nasty work because that space was full of rodent droppings (hantavirus), spiders, etc. I gave him a mask but he didn't wear it. You can bet I wore mine, along with gloves. I left my boots outside the front door, and clothes went immediately into the wash and there was no delay getting into the shower.

I can't believe he got so much done in such a short time. There is some clean up still, which I can easily do. Weather permitting, I will work on it today. It is supposed to rain so that may have to wait a couple of days. Will see.

Progress! Gotta love it!
 
Twostep said:
Sounds like you had a very productive day and the end of the project is visible.
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Absolutely. This has been the One Thing that I thought would never get done and I would just have to learn to live with it. What a mess! It's a physically demanding, dirty, nasty job. 60 years worth of accumulated junk.
 

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