Fart alert

[Mr. Ed]

I beg your pardon.

 

[Murrmurr]

My advance alerts depend on whether I'm sitting or standing. I either lean to one side or raise one knee, always with a smile.

 

[win231]

 

[oldiebutgoody]

The GREATEST writing in American history - written by a TRUE American:



Fart Proudly [PDF] Download Full – PDF Read Book Page



Anybody who denies that this a great writing which embodies all the greatness that we stand for is UNAMERICAN!

 

[jujube]

My dad always called them "Rectal Zephyrs"..... sounds ever so much more genteel.

Old joke: A woman goes to the doctor and says, "I have an unusual problem. I have gas."

The doctor says, "That's not at all unusual, Mrs. Smith, most people have gas at times."

"Yes, I know, " she says, "but my gas is silent and odorless. In fact, I just passed gas and you didn't hear it or smell it, did you?"

"Hmmmm," replies the doctor, reaching for his prescription pad. "Here's a script for some allergy pills and nasal decongestant. See my nurse on the way out and she'll schedule you to see the Audiologist."

 

[Gary O']

Around 53 years ago, while lying in bed, my lady stuck her big toe near my hind end (don't ask)

I farted on it.

She threw the covers back and ran to the bathroom

'Whaddya doin' in there?'

'Washing my foot!!'

That was 53 years ago

Now?...heh....heh
She's the Dutch oven champ

BTW, a fart is just a turd hollering to get out


Have we sunk low enough yet?

 

[dseag2]

 

[horseless carriage]

Around 53 years ago, while lying in bed, my lady stuck her big toe near my hind end (don't ask)

I farted on it.

She threw the covers back and ran to the bathroom

'Whaddya doin' in there?'

'Washing my foot!!'

That was 53 years ago

Now?...heh....heh
She's the Dutch oven champ

BTW, a fart is just a turd hollering to get out


Have we sunk low enough yet?

Where I come from Dutch Ovens are definitely divorce material.
A fart is also known by the more colloquial: "Trouser cough!"

 

[Lawrence]

quiet fart's while walking by the meat section in a grocery store

 

[Paladin1950]

Although beans are a vegetable, my father uses to say:

Beans, beans the lovers fruit,
The more you eat,
The more you poop,
The more you poop,
The better you feel,
So eat your beans at every meal.

 

[Nemo2]

Old, old, joke:

Young guy, visiting new girlfriend's house for first time is sitting in main room with girl's father and their dog.
Guy tries to surreptitiously let one go.
Father kicks dog.
Young guy thinks "Ha, he's blaming the dog"
Rinse & repeat...father kicks dog each time.
Finally father says to dog "Fer christsakes get out of here before he craps on you".

 

[oldaunt]

I was once told you should never try to hold a fart in. If you do, it can travel up your spine into your brain, and that's how people get $hitty ideas.

 

[ronaldj]

there was an honor code during the War Between the States that you owuld not shoot someone who was pooping

 

[Pappy]

I always blame it on a loose floor board or if I’m sitting, I say did you hear the airplane that went over head?

 

[IKE]

I hereby declare this thread as a.......