FINAL UPDATE post #46 - Clueless? Presumptuous? Or Rude?

applecruncher

applecruncher

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Location
Ohio USA
Saw this at another site that I frequent:

"My sister found a note stuck in her mailbox as she was leaving the house for work this morning. The note said:

“Hi Neighbor! Sorry for the short notice, slipped my mind. Please take in all our mail and newspapers or any random paper you see. There could be a couple UPS packages coming, not sure when. We won’t be back until the 3rd. Our cruise has limited access to phone or internet – scary! LOL!!”

Sister is flabbergasted. She has lived next door to this couple for 4 years, but has never had a relationship with them other than good morning or hello or nice weather we’re having. She is struggling with the moral obligation, but doesn’t want to feel like a pushover either. Sister also mentioned if she doesn’t help, then she will have to face these people when they return."

I say presumptuous. There was no relationship. They could have called and asked. Not sure I would want responsibility for their mail and packages. For all they know, the neighbor might be planning to go out of town for a week. "LOL" indeed. :rolleyes:
 

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applecruncher said:
Saw this at another site that I frequent:

"My sister found a note stuck in her mailbox as she was leaving the house for work this morning. The note said:

“Hi Neighbor! Sorry for the short notice, slipped my mind. Please take in all our mail and newspapers or any random paper you see. There could be a couple UPS packages coming, not sure when. We won’t be back until the 3rd. Our cruise has limited access to phone or internet – scary! LOL!!”

Sister is flabbergasted. She has lived next door to this couple for 4 years, but has never had a relationship with them other than good morning or hello or nice weather we’re having. She is struggling with the moral obligation, but doesn’t want to feel like a pushover either. Sister also mentioned if she doesn’t help, then she will have to face these people when they return."

I say presumptuous. There was no relationship. They could have called and asked. Not sure I would want responsibility for their mail and packages. For all they know, the neighbor might be planning to go out of town for a week. "LOL" indeed. :rolleyes:
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I say an invitation to friendship. What's the big deal, be a neighbor and do ask they ask. I do things like that for my neighbors and they do for me. It's called being a good neighbor.
 
Replies so far:

1) How utterly presumptuous of the neighbors!
While your sister certainly doesn't have to do that favor, I would do it because being on good terms with my neighbors is very important to me. That being said, when they come by to retrieve their mail and packages I would definitely say something to them. Probably something along the lines of "Hey, I was happy to bring in your mail and stuff, but if there is a next time please ask me before you leave! What if I had been going out of town too?"

2) I would do it, if I was able, but I wouldn't go round to drop it off once I saw them come back. I'd wait for them to come knock on my door to pick everything up and I'd mention at that point, 'I'd appreciate it if you ask me ahead of time, if there is a next time.'

3) That's nearly two weeks of mail-getting. And presumed responsibility for someone else's mail. I'd be definitely raising an eyebrow - and that's assuming nothing goes wrong. What if these UPS packages turn out to be the kind that have 10 pairs of shoes or a mini-fridge in them? What if something goes missing? I had the latter problem when I was semi-forced into sharing a mailbox with someone -- I was never asked if I wanted to be responsible for this person's mail, but when something went missing, I got dragged into the drama.

4) Their lack of planning is not your emergency, but I don't know if I want to make this my hill to die on with neighbors. However, they're being pretty careless- what if Sis was planning to be away as well?

5) I would probably do it (to preserve a decent neighbor relationship), but I would have to say something to them after they got back. Like others have said, they had no way of knowing if sister was going out of town as well. The post office will hold mail, and if they get a daily newspaper, they will also hold or stop your paper.

6) I would not do it and if they asked me later I’d pretend I never got the note. Would have no interest in being friends with these people after 4 years of basically nothing.

7) Yes, it is a bit entitled/snowflakey. I would l still do it cheerfully because honestly, I like to have my neighbours a bit "in my debt" so I can also ask for favours.
 

Why can't we see the posts that these replies were in?

Anyway, I think its not a big big deal. She could collect the mail and if there's a UPS and she's home, OK, if not, also OK. Also could mention she would like to be warned if there's a next time, in case she's not available.
 
A couple more replies:

8) I'd note down their address on the note and take it down to the PO to see if they'd put a hold on the neighbour's mail, then put a note in their mailbox to say what you've done. If that isn't possible, I'd just bite the bullet and do it. Now if they'd asked in person, no problem at all. But the 'oops! LOL! Ta ta!!' note just irks me.

Maybe keep an eye out for the parcels though, if they're non-postal service there's minimal likelihood of getting a hold put on them.


9) A moral obligation to people your sister hardly knows? I vote Special Snowflake in spades.Yes, we want to be on good terms with our neighbors but there are limits and this note crosses them like Evel Kneivel jumping across the Grand Canyon.

Yes, there are many details to be taken care of before a vacation. Notifying the Post Office and having newspaper delivery suspended are as basic as making sure your passports are up to date. Ordering stuff to be delivered while you're on vacation is just irresponsible.

If sister wants to do this, s/he can be considered a good person or a doormat for doing so. Your sister works, so it’s not like she’s bored and has nothing better to do. As far as going to the post office and “keeping an eye out for their packages from UPS”, what is she – their personal secretary or assistant? Personally, I would not care to develop a friendship with these people (especially after 4 years of, as someone else said, basically nothing.) Not that desperate for friends.
 
Another reply:

10) I'd check for mail/packages/newspapers every 2-3 days if I felt generous or if something was obviously piling up. They have a lot of cheek.

Thankfully they didn't demand sister water the houseplants, feed the pets, flip on and off lights/tv, or mow the lawn too while she was at it.


11) Honest question here, since I don't get the paper, but is it really a thing to come home from vacation and then read through 12 days' worth of newspapers?

I personally do not like anything about this situation, not the note, the tone, and the last-minute nature of the "request." I'd probably compromise so I could live with myself, and bring in the UPS packages they are expecting. Depending on the neighborhood layout, they could be out in the open and sometimes people do steal deliveries. I wouldn't care about the newspapers, and I'd assume that the mail would be in the mailbox, if their setup is similar to what I grew up with.

Or would that - doing half the job - be even ruder than pretending never to receive the note?


12) OP, was the note addressed to your sister by name or did it actually read "Hi Neighbor"? I ask because it sounds so generic, like they don't even know their neighbor's name, which adds to the special snowflakiness of the whole thing.

I would be a tad annoyed that they would presume but I'd go ahead and do it anyway since for me it wouldn't be too much of a hardship. I'd definitely say something to them when they got back, though.

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So very rude! I would notify the Post Office immediately, explain the situation, show the note, plead with the P.O. to hold all mail and packages.
Would not touch mail and packages at any time (there could be some kind of legal implication!)
(I collect mail for neighbor whenever asked!!)
 
In the past, if we went out of town on a trip, we would ask a neighbor who we were friendly with to get our mail, and offered payment at first, but of course it was refused. We give those folks a little gift at Christmas time to show our appreciation just for being a good neighbor, even though we have used post office holds on our mail for many years.

I think it was rude and presumptuous of that person not to ask first and give some notice. If it were me, I would collect the mail and have a talk with that neighbor on their return, making it clear that if they want me to do something like that again, they must give me notice. Who knows, perhaps I planned on being gone during that time also. I certainly wouldn't consider myself a doormat for doing so, I think that's overly-dramatic.

We put a hold on our mail and newspapers when we go out of town, as we don't like to take advantage of our neighbor's kindness when not necessary.
 
What's the big deal? So what if they presumed. My goodness, just take in the mail, packages and fuggetabbouttit. Sure the neighbor would have done better to ask first or have the mail held but I can't believe they went to all this fuss....they must consider themselves very precious, ugh.
 
Susie said:
So very rude! I would notify the Post Office immediately, explain the situation, show the note, plead with the P.O. to hold all mail and packages.
Would not touch mail and packages at any time (there could be some kind of legal implication!)
(I collect mail for neighbor whenever asked!!)
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Why shoud the neighbor notify the post office? (They should have done this themselves, far in advance of the day they left.) The post office doesn’t accept requests from third parties to hold someone else’s mail; a form has to be signed. What is she supposed to do – take time off work to deal with their mess? I would not be getting that deeply involved.

I didn’t see anything which indicated they do each other favors back and forth; they have only exchanged “hellos” over the course of 4 years. The generic note may as well been addressed “To whom it may concern”. Neighbor was not asked to collect mail, etc. - essentially she was told/directed to do so (albeit gently), and to not bother them becuse they won't be accessible.

I think sister can either do as they asked or not. If she chooses to do the favor, she should (when they return) make it clear it’s a one-time thing and it was an imposition. Otherwise they will do it again; the note suggests they are users and think they can “LOL” their way out of anything. People love to toss around the "LOL".

I also noticed the sentence about “having to face them” I don’t see why that’s a worry.….they should be worried about having to face HER, the person they imposed upon.

You're right about possible legal implications....if any mail or packages are missing or damaged.
 
That "remote-livin' " member has no such intrusions into her daily existence! One thing to say in favor of having no close-by neighbors. imp
 
No relationship=no responsibility to respond to an orchestrated guilt trip/manipulation attempt.

Sorry for the jaded response, I'm just not the "easy touch"(eg- "sucker") that I was when younger.
 
I have lots of neighbors, but they wouldn't dream of impose without prior arrangements. Besides our mailboxes are door slots.
 
I think the "tone" of the note is quite presumptuous. I get other people's mail in for them all the time, but I'm asked to do it, not instructed. Nevertheless I'd do it in the spirit of neighborliness. As someone said above, not a hill to die on.
 
Cookie said:
I have lots of neighbors, but they wouldn't dream of impose without prior arrangements. Besides our mailboxes are door slots.
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So are ours, in which case I would hold their letters and small packages for them, but packages from UPS et al have to be taken in and signed for. I'm afraid if I got such a note from a 'neighbour' who didn't even know my name much less have the etiquette to ask me in advance in person , I definitely would not be signing for packages on their behalf, nor potentially shouldering responsibility for packages which may go astray!!
 
Very rude to ask that way! We also have a mail slot in our door, no need to ask anyone. And we never have any big packages arriving while we are away.
 
How do they know if your sister wasn't also going to be out of town? Then what? But, if I was going to be around, I would do it and then have a little talk with them upon their return.
 
Susie said:
So very rude! I would notify the Post Office immediately, explain the situation, show the note, plead with the P.O. to hold all mail and packages.
Would not touch mail and packages at any time (there could be some kind of legal implication!)
(I collect mail for neighbor whenever asked!!)
Click to expand...

I would probably do this. If the P.O. wouldn't do it, I would collect the mail for them but also let them know I preferred being asked beforehand next time as I might not be around when they are gone. I'm chalking this up as a possible clueless case. Lots of people just don't think things through.
 

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