Finish this sentence: Forgiveness is..

bobcat said:
Complicated.
It depends on the intent, the degree, how remorseful, and whether they may be willing to atone or make it right (If that's possible).
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As i said comment #9 to me it is more about letting go our own negative feelings about the other's actions. If they ask for forgiveness from me that is a separate task and for me at least it takes more time and yes some effort on their part to regain my trust, else i'll likely keep my distance.
 
Forgiveness is necessary when a relationship feels broken. Acceptance is necessary also. That's how it has happened in my life. Then I try to learn from the incident, and usually find that my attitude has a lot to do with my being "wronged". It also allows from new growth, unexpected growth, so, though it seems hard to do, a heartfelt apology is in order. :)
 
Over the years I've found that, in many cases, "forgiveness" just escapes me. And for better or worse, I will typically not show it to the person who offended me.

Please know, I'm not proud of this, but here is an example. A group of 8th grade "friends" decided to go to downtown Chicago to celebrate our upcoming graduation. One fellow was supposed to pick me up and we would meet the rest of the guys by the subway station.

So I got dressed and was real excited, and he never showed. I was ashamed (to tell anyone) and devastated to say the least. That happened in 1958, and I could never forgive him. We never crossed paths for years, so in truth I never really came across him until much later. I never brought the issue up, for it could have led to bad stuff happening.

He passed away last year from cancer, and I felt bad for him, but I was still "unhappy" that he did what he did to me.
 
feywon said:
As i said comment #9 to me it is more about letting go our own negative feelings about the other's actions. If they ask for forgiveness from me that is a separate task and for me at least it takes more time and yes some effort on their part to regain my trust, else i'll likely keep my distance.
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Yes. Those are the conditions. If they desire forgiveness, I will do my part, otherwise, I also will keep my distance.
Even the Bible's version of God only forgives those who ask for it. First repentance, then forgiveness.
 
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I would have forgiven my sister anything during our 20 year estrangement, but she didn't want to forgive me for whatever it was she was keeping in her heart and wouldn't tell me. Now, she is dead, almost one year and our forgiveness is dead. Must be done in The Living Years. I can see forgiving a dead person, not talking about my sister, but, for example, a dead father who abused a child and now the grown up child forgives his/her dead abuser to seek relief within his/her own heart.

I was so lucky. The last time I saw my mother, I told her everything she did that hurt me during my life. She felt she had been wrong to me, and asked my forgiveness, which of course I did with all my heart.

Have trouble forgiving husband who dropped dead on me and left me alone to face cancer and loneliness. If I see him again, after punching him out, I will forgive him.
 
bobcat said:
Yes. Those are the conditions. If they desire forgiveness, I will do my part, otherwise, I also will keep my distance.
Even the Bible's version of God only forgives those who ask for it. First repentance, then forgiveness.
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"Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us."
The prodigal son was forgiven by his father even before he could ask for it.

From my perspective forgiveness is liberation for the one who forgives another. It is the equivalent of laying aside a burden that has been weighing heavily on the spirit, or if you prefer, on the mind.
 
Warrigal said:
"Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us."
The prodigal son was forgiven by his father even before he could ask for it.

From my perspective forgiveness is liberation for the one who forgives another. It is the equivalent of laying aside a burden that has been weighing heavily on the spirit, or if you prefer, on the mind.
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An allegory which most likely included the desire to be forgiven and accepted back into his father's good graces, which is why he returned.
No issues here.
 
bobcat said:
An allegory which most likely included the desire to be forgiven and accepted back into his father's good graces, which is why he returned.
No issues here.
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It was G-d his Father who forgave. It is the only instance where G-d runs.........rushes to forgive and forget. Son's desire for forgiveness was based on same selfishness that asked for his portion, which was squandered. Desire for forgiveness based on 'out of options' more than true repentance. Yet, despite this shortcoming, his Father races towards him, anxious to offer his forgiveness & mercy.
 
Pepper said:
It was G-d his Father who forgave. It is the only instance where G-d runs.........rushes to forgive and forget. Son's desire for forgiveness was based on same selfishness that asked for his portion, which was squandered. Desire for forgiveness based on 'out of options' more than true repentance. Yet, despite this shortcoming, his Father races towards him, anxious to offer his forgiveness & mercy.
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Well, perhaps we interpret it differently. It seems repentant to me, but what do I know.
Luke 15:21 "And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son."
 
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