Friend does not want to wait for inheritance

debodun

debodun

SF VIP
Location
way upstate in New York, USA
After my mother passed, a woman I worked with before I retired offered to come to my house and help me sort through things. While she was there, she saw the piece of authentic scrimshaw and wanted it. I told her it wasn't for sale. She seemed to accept this and continued to come on weekend for about 6 weeks. There were other things she saw and I happily gave them to her as payment for her coming and helping (some furniture and an old student lamp).

After 6 weeks, she suddenly announced that she wasn't coming any more. When I asked why, she said that we had "reached a point of diminishing returns." I was a little taken aback, but she had helped me to the point that I was able to manage by myself from then on, but to me it seemed like she was just coming in order to have first dibs on anything she might see and want (i.e. when she ascertained that there was nothing more of interest to her, she quit).

A few months later, I made some changes to my will since my situation had changed. I remembered how she really wanted the scrimshaw piece and made an addition to my will to leave it to her, and in the event she predeceased me (she is over 5 year older than me), it would go to her daughter since the name Sarah is engraved in it and her daughter's name is Sarah. I informed her of my action. This was 7 years ago.

A few weeks ago I received a phone call from this woman saying she didn't want to wait to receive the scrimshaw and asked if she could have it now as she wanted to give it to Sarah for a 30th birthday gift. She offered to buy it, but I still refused. It is probably one of the most valuable items I won next to my house and car.

I just wanted an opinion of this woman's behavior - it it normal for people to want to purchase items when they don't want to wait to inherit, or is it the epitome of chutzpah?
 

debodun said:
After my mother passed, a woman I worked with before I retired offered to come to my house and help me sort through things. While she was there, she saw the piece of authentic scrimshaw and wanted it. I told her it wasn't for sale. She seemed to accept this and continued to come on weekend for about 6 weeks. There were other things she saw and I happily gave them to her as payment for her coming and helping (some furniture and an old student lamp).

After 6 weeks, she suddenly announced that she wasn't coming any more. When I asked why, she said that we had "reached a point of diminishing returns." I was a little taken aback, but she had helped me to the point that I was able to manage by myself from then on, but to me it seemed like she was just coming in order to have first dibs on anything she might see and want (i.e. when she ascertained that there was nothing more of interest to her, she quit).

A few months later, I made some changes to my will since my situation had changed. I remembered how she really wanted the scrimshaw piece and made an addition to my will to leave it to her, and in the event she predeceased me (she is over 5 year older than me), it would go to her daughter since the name Sarah is engraved in it and her daughter's name is Sarah. I informed her of my action. This was 7 years ago.

A few weeks ago I received a phone call from this woman saying she didn't want to wait to receive the scrimshaw and asked if she could have it now as she wanted to give it to Sarah for a 30th birthday gift. She offered to buy it, but I still refused. It is probably one of the most valuable items I won next to my house and car.

I just wanted an opinion of this woman's behavior - it it normal for people to want to purchase items when they don't want to wait to inherit, or is it the epitome of chutzpah?
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What a horrible woman, I would rewrite your will, if I were you, and leave the scrimshaw to a much more deserving person.
 
I agree with Justme and Honey, she's very selfish, and rude on top of that. I'm surprised she didn't steal the scrimshaw when you weren't looking. :rolleyes: I also think it wise to remove that from your will, and give it to a family member, friend or neighbor that is more deserving.
 
It is chutzpah. With that attitude, if I were you I'd change my will again and take her out of it completely, even if it is only the one piece. I had a friend who has since moved to assisted living. In her will she was going to leave some money to a woman she used to babysit for. Well this woman conned her out of almost $40,000 to $60,000 before her nieces moved her to assisted living. What nerve.
 
Never ever trust anybody especially relatives...They only seem to be around especially when it involves money/valuables.
It was never like this 20-30 years ago but attitude changes and some are not what you think they are today.
 
Sorry I have been brought up better than to tell you what I really think .You seem like a nice person you have done what you thought was right and now things have changed it is not your fault that this lady died before you and as for the daughter asking for it I am to polite to say what I would do.:)
 
taffboy said:
Sorry I have been brought up better than to tell you what I really think .You seem like a nice person you have done what you thought was right and now things have changed it is not your fault that this lady died before you and as for the daughter asking for it I am to polite to say what I would do.:)
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I think you misunderstood the original post Taffboy, the lady didn't die at all.
 
Hi Debodun

You are very obviously a very giving, kind, and generous person. Its very obvious to me that your 'friend' is NOT. I think is HORRIBLE that she would actually have the NERVE to even suggest what she did.

I would no longer even consider giving her that... period... She is a 'taker'...

There was a time in my life that I felt that I had to give over-generously in many ways... finally someone told me that I wasn't doing it because I really wanted to, but to be accepted and admired; and that people wouldn't 'like' me otherwise ... that hurt at the time but what a fantastic lesson that TRUTH was.

You do what you need to do .... just face what you are feeling inside.
 
I had an occasion to speak with this woman's mother once. It was during the time she was helping me. I mentioned how much I appreciated her help. The mother said "She never does anything unless there's something in it for her." That should have tipped me off right there.

I also saw how she behaved at work. She would do anything to get what she wants. One time when things weren't going her way, she yelled that she was going out to her car, get a gun and come back and shoot everyone. Caused a lockdown of the building, but nothing happened. Afterward she was suppose to get counseling, but I don't know how that turned out.
 
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He mom should know her pretty well, I don't like people who act like that at all. And if she blows up in rants like that at work, she should have been forced to seek mental counseling or be fired, IMO. No excuse for that spoiled behavior, I have zero tolerance for that nonsense. She'd be out of my will in a heartbeat.
 
Debodun, this woman with her continuous demands for your personal possessions is beyond arrogant. From your description of her threatening behavior at work, she sounds mentally disturbed. Her behavior is NOT normal. You must regret ever getting involved with her. If I were in your shoes I'd quickly change my will again, leaving her nothing. You owe her nothing... believe that! You bartered some of your personal possessions for her services. I'd avoid all contact with her. I would not pick up when she calls, nor would I return calls. I would not answer the door if she knocks. She sounds like she has the capacity to be dangerously violent. If she makes any threats, get a restraining order.
 
It's been established that she's rude at a very minimum. Sounds like she could also be dangerous. I'd be steering clear of her and changing my will for sure. It might not be a swell idea to let her know your will has been changed, though;)
 
Alarm bells are ringing here, the first thing you must do is change your will, don't leave anything to her and give the scrim to a family member now. Don't have anything to do with this woman as she sounds very unstable and could harm you in her quest to get what she wants.
When my husband died one of his workmates kept coming around with his wife, he kept hinting that he needed all sorts of things, one was a new uniform so i gave Ians uniform to him, but as time went on i realised that they were just using me hoping in my fragile state i would give them whatever they wanted, once they realised that wasn't going to happen i didn't hear from them again.
There are losers in all walks of life who hope to gain from peoples generosity or fragile state, we need to be aware of them and don't fall for their tricks. :grrr:
 
The woman is obviously a psycho. Stay away from her! I am shocked and find it hard to believe that after what she pulled off that she wasn't locked up...or at least that the case wasn't followed up on ...
 
I just thought of something, debodun....are you AFRAID to leave her out of you will????--because she is an obvious nut case (pardon my political INcorrectness)...just Make sure other people/family, etc ... KNOW about all of this...people who are close to you... don't keep this to yourself, please....
 
I am concerned that she's invited me to her house for the Fourth of July for a picnic. She now works in a research facility where she has access to almost any type of chemical. Is she going to make me some "special" potato salad?
 
Gads, what a creepy woman, dump her, and I'd change my will back without including her, man that's the creepiest thing I've heard in a long time:(
 
Bettyann said:
I just thought of something, debodun....are you AFRAID to leave her out of you will????--because she is an obvious nut case (pardon my political INcorrectness)...just Make sure other people/family, etc ... KNOW about all of this...people who are close to you... don't keep this to yourself, please....
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I'm with Bettyann, I would alert everyone I know. From what you've said in this post, she is a nutcase. One thing good is you hadn't heard from her in 7 years, chances are she'll go away, but if not, alert the authorities.
 

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