JaniceM
Well-known Member
- Location
- still lost between two shores..
Problem #1: In recent years, I’ve been up against very manipulative individuals. One example is the approach ‘Your judgment/instincts/perceptions/etc are Wrong;’
Problem #2: (on any subject) ‘This is the way we do things here- and if you object or disagree, there’s something wrong with you.’
I don’t have any doubts myself, but am fairly certain I’d hear those comments if I were to speak up about any of the things I’m about to describe.
I’ll also add I’m old enough to recall when it was common for girls/women to be blamed for everything (never had personal experiences, never knew anyone who did, but read about it and saw it on tv); I can say with 100% certainty that I’ve not ‘brought it on myself,’ and, additionally, there have been numerous others (female) who could say the same about their experiences.
With the exception of the incidents I label ‘current,’ none of the others are in any specific order:
Current: Awhile back, it began when an individual connected to the buildings noticed among my rather large display of photographs an 8x10 framed full-length portrait of a beautiful young family member- the person’s high school Senior portrait. On a couple of occasions the individual stood staring at the picture, and remarked “WOO-WOO !!” I thought this was out of line in general, but more so because the individual was older than me and the photo was of a seventeen-year-old girl.
More recently, the individual knocked on my door, said there was something he’d wanted to say, but added that he hadn’t wanted to say it in front of a neighbor. He said he really really liked the shirt I’d worn the previous day. As there was nothing unusual about a basic t-shirt, I didn’t know what to make of this.
The next day he came to the door again. After dropping his eyes down to my ‘front,’ he leaned back a little, made a ‘framing’ gesture with his hands (like framing that part of my body), and giggled. My reactions ranged from embarrassed to humiliated. And it occurred to me what he probably meant the previous day was he didn’t want a neighbor witnessing it because he knew it was wrong.
Another incident: a few years ago, there was a neighbor who was in his mid to late twenties. One day he came to the door asking to use my phone, saying he needed to make an important call. As all I had at the time was a landline in the living room, I sat down waiting for him to finish the call and leave. Instead of leaving, though, he ran over in front of me, yanked out his ‘privates,’ and went ‘So what do you think of this?’ Stunned, I told him to get out. He did not take me seriously. He sat down, started to ‘handle himself,’ and remarked ‘But I love f—ing older women!’ I said if you don’t get out I’ll throw you out, lunged at him to do so, and he ran out the door.
Individuals seem to think it’s acceptable to put their hands on other people- violating both your ‘boundaries’ and your rights. Example: a 14-year-old girl was walking home from school one day when a guy around 30 years old approached her and started to get grabby. Fortunately she had a cell phone and was able to call her father who arrived before the police arrived. The jerk rationalized his behavior with ‘I just wanted to give her a hug!’
Incident many months ago: I was sitting at the bus stop after shopping, a guy comes up from behind me and jumped on me.
An online friend who came from near my own home environment reported similar situations in a nearby area- first, that individuals refuse to keep their hands to themselves; second, if you’re ever seen in the company of a member of the opposite gender, everyone thinks there is ‘something going on.’
A person who’s more knowledgeable informed me that you cannot take actions at face-value- if individuals approach you and ask for a cigarette, or ask what time it is, it’s like they’re ‘opening a crack to move in.’ There’s usually ‘oh, by the way...’ and, wording it politely, ‘indecent propositions’ coming next. This occurs in public places, and even individuals who show up at the door requesting a cigarette or some other basic question.
The arrogance is displayed on the opposite side, too- in most cases, if you approach a member of the opposite gender with a basic question, they think you’re ‘hitting on’ them. One example: the dumpster had disappeared from the parking lot; I noticed a guy putting flyers in a canister in the front yard, so I asked ‘Do you work here?’ and when he said yes I asked ‘Do you know when the dumpster will be replaced?’ He answered, I said thanks and went home. Later I heard him tell a neighbor ‘Oh she was checking me out!!’ It’s not even ok to ask a question or they think you have ulterior motives.
I’ve had a half-dozen or more experiences of individuals exposing themselves- walk around the corner in a busy city, and jerks are going ‘Hey look at this!’
In public, catcalls are common- it’s rare to be able to walk to the store without some idiots leaning out of cars and making stupid remarks.
If you’re ever unaccompanied in a public place, brace yourself for unwanted aggravations. Example: if you decide to stop in at a restaurant for lunch, individuals think that as an ‘unaccompanied female’ you’re up for being hit on or picked up- ‘oh I thought you might be lonely!’
Women in the area seem to believe these behaviors are acceptable- tolerated if not actively encouraged. I do not. I don’t consider treating human beings as if they’re a piece of meat acceptable at all. And as for the old-fashioned blame approach, I do not display any ‘suggestive’ behaviors, and do not dress inappropriately; and, from what I’ve seen, neither do other women/girls in this area.
When I was a kid, a popular expression was ‘Is it them- or is it you?’ What it meant was there are some people who simply cannot get along with anyone- always ‘fault-finding,’ always wanting their own way. But after assessing this approach, and also noticing how widespread these behaviors are, my only conclusion is for whatever reason the majority of the male population in this area has no respect for women/girls whatsoever. They feel they can treat women as shabbily as possible, and women have no recourse but to take it. And these are only a few of the many examples I’ve experienced and seen in this city.
I’ve never had any of these aggravations anywhere I’ve ever lived or visited before- which I’d think is even further ‘proof’ that the problem isn’t me, it’s the attitudes and behaviors of these locals.
What do you think- am I making a big deal out of nothing, or am I correct in the belief that there's something very wrong with individuals who do these things?
Problem #2: (on any subject) ‘This is the way we do things here- and if you object or disagree, there’s something wrong with you.’
I don’t have any doubts myself, but am fairly certain I’d hear those comments if I were to speak up about any of the things I’m about to describe.
I’ll also add I’m old enough to recall when it was common for girls/women to be blamed for everything (never had personal experiences, never knew anyone who did, but read about it and saw it on tv); I can say with 100% certainty that I’ve not ‘brought it on myself,’ and, additionally, there have been numerous others (female) who could say the same about their experiences.
With the exception of the incidents I label ‘current,’ none of the others are in any specific order:
Current: Awhile back, it began when an individual connected to the buildings noticed among my rather large display of photographs an 8x10 framed full-length portrait of a beautiful young family member- the person’s high school Senior portrait. On a couple of occasions the individual stood staring at the picture, and remarked “WOO-WOO !!” I thought this was out of line in general, but more so because the individual was older than me and the photo was of a seventeen-year-old girl.
More recently, the individual knocked on my door, said there was something he’d wanted to say, but added that he hadn’t wanted to say it in front of a neighbor. He said he really really liked the shirt I’d worn the previous day. As there was nothing unusual about a basic t-shirt, I didn’t know what to make of this.
The next day he came to the door again. After dropping his eyes down to my ‘front,’ he leaned back a little, made a ‘framing’ gesture with his hands (like framing that part of my body), and giggled. My reactions ranged from embarrassed to humiliated. And it occurred to me what he probably meant the previous day was he didn’t want a neighbor witnessing it because he knew it was wrong.
Another incident: a few years ago, there was a neighbor who was in his mid to late twenties. One day he came to the door asking to use my phone, saying he needed to make an important call. As all I had at the time was a landline in the living room, I sat down waiting for him to finish the call and leave. Instead of leaving, though, he ran over in front of me, yanked out his ‘privates,’ and went ‘So what do you think of this?’ Stunned, I told him to get out. He did not take me seriously. He sat down, started to ‘handle himself,’ and remarked ‘But I love f—ing older women!’ I said if you don’t get out I’ll throw you out, lunged at him to do so, and he ran out the door.
Individuals seem to think it’s acceptable to put their hands on other people- violating both your ‘boundaries’ and your rights. Example: a 14-year-old girl was walking home from school one day when a guy around 30 years old approached her and started to get grabby. Fortunately she had a cell phone and was able to call her father who arrived before the police arrived. The jerk rationalized his behavior with ‘I just wanted to give her a hug!’
Incident many months ago: I was sitting at the bus stop after shopping, a guy comes up from behind me and jumped on me.
An online friend who came from near my own home environment reported similar situations in a nearby area- first, that individuals refuse to keep their hands to themselves; second, if you’re ever seen in the company of a member of the opposite gender, everyone thinks there is ‘something going on.’
A person who’s more knowledgeable informed me that you cannot take actions at face-value- if individuals approach you and ask for a cigarette, or ask what time it is, it’s like they’re ‘opening a crack to move in.’ There’s usually ‘oh, by the way...’ and, wording it politely, ‘indecent propositions’ coming next. This occurs in public places, and even individuals who show up at the door requesting a cigarette or some other basic question.
The arrogance is displayed on the opposite side, too- in most cases, if you approach a member of the opposite gender with a basic question, they think you’re ‘hitting on’ them. One example: the dumpster had disappeared from the parking lot; I noticed a guy putting flyers in a canister in the front yard, so I asked ‘Do you work here?’ and when he said yes I asked ‘Do you know when the dumpster will be replaced?’ He answered, I said thanks and went home. Later I heard him tell a neighbor ‘Oh she was checking me out!!’ It’s not even ok to ask a question or they think you have ulterior motives.
I’ve had a half-dozen or more experiences of individuals exposing themselves- walk around the corner in a busy city, and jerks are going ‘Hey look at this!’
In public, catcalls are common- it’s rare to be able to walk to the store without some idiots leaning out of cars and making stupid remarks.
If you’re ever unaccompanied in a public place, brace yourself for unwanted aggravations. Example: if you decide to stop in at a restaurant for lunch, individuals think that as an ‘unaccompanied female’ you’re up for being hit on or picked up- ‘oh I thought you might be lonely!’
Women in the area seem to believe these behaviors are acceptable- tolerated if not actively encouraged. I do not. I don’t consider treating human beings as if they’re a piece of meat acceptable at all. And as for the old-fashioned blame approach, I do not display any ‘suggestive’ behaviors, and do not dress inappropriately; and, from what I’ve seen, neither do other women/girls in this area.
When I was a kid, a popular expression was ‘Is it them- or is it you?’ What it meant was there are some people who simply cannot get along with anyone- always ‘fault-finding,’ always wanting their own way. But after assessing this approach, and also noticing how widespread these behaviors are, my only conclusion is for whatever reason the majority of the male population in this area has no respect for women/girls whatsoever. They feel they can treat women as shabbily as possible, and women have no recourse but to take it. And these are only a few of the many examples I’ve experienced and seen in this city.
I’ve never had any of these aggravations anywhere I’ve ever lived or visited before- which I’d think is even further ‘proof’ that the problem isn’t me, it’s the attitudes and behaviors of these locals.
What do you think- am I making a big deal out of nothing, or am I correct in the belief that there's something very wrong with individuals who do these things?
