Funny Things I Come Across

Denise1952

Well-known Member
Gun Control; It has already started at Gander Mountain Sporting Goods.
When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets,
the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos
running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical
shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to
how I should place my credit card in the card-reader.
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer .
I still don't think I looked that bad.
 
Thanks SB, glad you liked it;) Here's one that came to me this a.m. I really don't think of people as being stupid, but this did strike me as funny;) I mean, I guess sometimes I do think people are stupid, and I know I can be, lol!!

stupid people.jpg
 
A friend was able to get onto <http://healthcare.gov/> but she was having difficulties setting her password.


The interchange went as follows:


"Please create your password below."
roses



"Sorry, too few characters."

pretty roses



"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."
1 pretty rose





"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
1prettyrose



"Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."
1friggingprettyrose



"Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."
1FRIGGINGprettyrose



"Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."
1FriggingPrettyRose



"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessRightNow!



"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."
1FriggingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightNow



"Sorry, that password is already in use".

 
LOL! Glad you saw it Ina, since I am putting all my jokes in one thread, wasn't sure anyone would!! My sis sent me that one, too funny and yes, true to life;)
 
Hey Pappy, how bout puddin, or puttputt, LOL!! Oh but then you'd have to have a capital, and then a numerical, LOL! The day robots answering customer service calls are obsolete, now that'll be a happy day;)
 
Why I Mow My Own Yard Lee Trevino: a true story, you gotta love him.

0



One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas , Texas, mowing his front lawn, as he always did.

A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, “Excuse me, do you speak English?"

Lee responded, “Yes Ma'am, I do."

The lady then asked, “What do you charge to do yard work?”

Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her."

The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off

 
Ken and Edna



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Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year,


And every year Ken would say,


'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter'


Edna always replied,


'I know Ken, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,


And fifty bucks is fifty bucks'


One year Ken and Edna went to the fair,


and Ken said,


'Edna, I'm 75 years old.


If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance'

To this, Edna replied,

"Ken that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'


The pilot overheard the couple and said,


'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!


But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'


Ken and Edna agreed and up they went.


The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvers, but not a word was heard..


He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,


But still not a word...


When they landed, the pilot turned to Ken and said,


'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.


I'm impressed!'


Ken replied,



'Well, to tell you the truth,


I almost said something when Edna fell out,


But you know,


"Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!'

 
Glad you liked it Pappy;) My sis send these to me when she gets them, she knows what makes me laugh:lofl:
 
LOL!! Oops!!

Jenny Craig for Men

I called the company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. program.


The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, I finally gave up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find I
lost 10 lbs. as promised.

I called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in my life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

Well, I'm out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens and I'm gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh myself, I discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. as promised. So I decide to go for broke and called the company to order the
7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," I replied, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it I find a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,... you're mine."

I lost 63 pounds that week.
 
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