Getting angry with people for making mistakes

[Ronni]

"Getting angry with people for making mistakes doesn't teach them not to make mistakes. It just teaches them to hide them."

What do you think about this statement?

 

[hollydolly]

Absolutely agree..

My father was a classic example, if I made a mistake with anything, I'd get slapped.

There's many examples, but sitting at home in the evening trying to do Mathematics.. which was I just couldn't figure out, my father would stand behind me, tell me in a way I couldn't understand , and when I got it wrong I would be slapped in the head..over and over again.

I soon learned not to bring homework home, and just get to school early and do it there before the first class of the day!!

 

[C'est Moi]

I suppose it totally depends on context and how big the mistake is. If someone's "mistake" causes harm to others, then they definitely deserve an anger response.

 

[dkay]

Most of us learn from our mistakes. It's always best to receive guidance to help someone understand the error... but then there are those individuals who keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again until finally someone does get mad at them.

 

[Olivia]

Could someone give some examples of what they mean by "mistakes". Otherwise, I'm having trouble deciding how to comment.

 

[Olivia]

Is the mistake because of sloppy carelessness, not understanding something, or an excuse for having done something deliberately bad, such as "I'm really sorry, , Your Honor, but it was a really a mistake for me to have embezzled the company" ?

 

[hollydolly]

Read my post Olivia...that was a mistake..I kept making mistakes with my homework.. so I got punished for it.

 

[Olivia]

Read my post Olivia...that was a mistake..I kept making mistakes with my homework.. so I got punished for it.

Yes, I understand that. But in general it was unclear to me.

 

[Camper6]

"Getting angry with people for making mistakes doesn't teach them not to make mistakes. It just teaches them to hide them."

What do you think about this statement?

I agree. I watched my father who was a foreman for a construction crew.

One wall was out of alignment so the bricks couldn't be laid along that wall.

They were all arguing with each other over whose fault it was.

My father walked over and said. Your arguing isn't going to get this wall finished.

Cut the bricks in half or do whatever you have to make them fit and get on with it. And he just walked away.

 

[C'est Moi]

Yes, I understand that. But in general it was unclear to me.

Me, too. Like was the mistake, "I hit the gas instead of the brake and killed a family," or "I dropped the butter?"

 

[hearlady]

I think if you are always criticized for making common mistakes caused by minor carelessness, or genuine mistakes because you don't understand something or other fairly harmless mistakes then you will learn to hide them.
If you are corrected, counseled, or taught in a helpful way you'll be more willing to admit your mistakes.

 

[hollydolly]

I think if you are always criticized for making common mistakes caused by minor carelessness, or genuine mistakes because you don't understand something or other fairly harmless mistakes then you will learn to hide them.
If you are corrected, counseled, or taught in a helpful way you'll be more willing to admit your mistakes.

I absolutely and totally agree, hearlady

 

[Aunt Bea]

I agree, getting angry is more about my frustration/inability to deal with the situation than it is about the person that makes the mistake.

Some mistakes are worse than others and this is not meant for people in a job where they could drop a baby on his head but my stepfather used to say that: "a good carpenter knows how to hide his mistakes." IMO that is important and can only be learned by making and correcting mistakes as part of our daily routine. We can't let out mistakes defeat us we need to learn from them and move on.

 

[Ronni]

Is the mistake because of sloppy carelessness, not understanding something, or an excuse for having done something deliberately bad, such as "I'm really sorry, , Your Honor, but it was a really a mistake for me to have embezzled the company" ?

Knowingly committing criminal acts aren't mistakes. The kind of mistake I'm talking about is an unintentional wrong action, perhaps as a result of misinformation, or inattention, like that carelessness you mentioned or not understanding something.

You drive down a one way street the wrong way. That's a mistake. Killing someone as a result turns that mistake into a tragedy.

I'm just talking about those errors, those "oops" moments, those mis-steps that aren't anything intentional or planned. My ex tried to teach me computer stuff. He'd show me something once, and if I made a mistake the next time I did that same thing, he'd yell at me. He was an ass.

Or you wash the whites and inadvertently throw something red in there. Now you have pink shirts. That's a mistake. It's an annoying one, but still, not intentional.

 

[Shalimar]

I think if you are always criticized for making common mistakes caused by minor carelessness, or genuine mistakes because you don't understand something or other fairly harmless mistakes then you will learn to hide them.
If you are corrected, counseled, or taught in a helpful way you'll be more willing to admit your mistakes.

Absolutely.

 

[StarSong]

When attacked for a mistake the person on the receiving end learns not only to hide future mistakes, but also to be resentful and defensive toward the person who responded in anger.

As others have said, there is a difference between harmless mistakes and grievous, highly preventable ones.

 

[Gary O']

I'm just talking about those errors, those "oops" moments, those mis-steps that aren't anything intentional or planned.
.....you wash the whites and inadvertently throw something red in there. Now you have pink shirts. That's a mistake. It's an annoying one, but still, not intentional.

Yup
I butcher wood, try to make things

Cut a piece too short, and, well, that piece is now for something else

A master machinist used to say to me, ‘Gary, I’ve got the taker offer, not the putter onner, so I hope your little hand drawing there is right. Mistakes are just as expensive.’

I only get mad at myself, mostly, especially when on a roof, or ladder

Expletives are extremely gratifying for me

My lady usually cringes after I holler something like ‘YOUUUUU WHORE!!’ at a board that don’t fit after cutting and going up and down the ladder a dozen times

She’ll say ‘the neighbors will think yer yelling at me’

I’ll say ‘neighbors are two miles away’

She’ll say ‘Exactly’

 

[Ronni]

Yup
My lady usually cringes after I holler something like ‘YOUUUUU WHORE!!’ at a board that don’t fit after cutting and going up and down the ladder a dozen times

She’ll say ‘the neighbors will think yer telling at me’

I’ll say ‘neighbors are two miles away’

She’ll say ‘Exactly’

I love this so much!!!! :lol:

 

[Manatee]

It tends to be irritating when people do dumb things when they know better.

 

[RadishRose]

 

[Olivia]

Or you wash the whites and inadvertently throw something red in there. Now you have pink shirts. That's a mistake. It's an annoying one, but still, not intentional.

Okay, now that last one is a whole different scenario. It's so much easier to forgive someone else for their mistakes than forgiving oneself for all the dumb things you do.

 

[Gary O']

I must write this down

 

[jujube]

I get angry with the person who makes the same mistake over and over and expects sympathy/assistance/understanding time and time again.

I have a distant relative whose boyfriend beats her. The first time I was sympathetic. But she takes him back again and he beats her again. Rinse and repeat. The cycle continues. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth about how hard her life is. Then she takes him back....again.

Right, I get angry. I've run out of sympathy and compassion and all that's left is anger.

 

[C'est Moi]

I get angry with the person who makes the same mistake over and over and expects sympathy/assistance/understanding time and time again.

I have a distant relative whose boyfriend beats her. The first time I was sympathetic. But she takes him back again and he beats her again. Rinse and repeat. The cycle continues. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth about how hard her life is. Then she takes him back....again.

Right, I get angry. I've run out of sympathy and compassion and all that's left is anger.

But.... he PROMISED to change this time!!!

 

[Ronni]

I get angry with the person who makes the same mistake over and over and expects sympathy/assistance/understanding time and time again.

I have a distant relative whose boyfriend beats her. The first time I was sympathetic. But she takes him back again and he beats her again. Rinse and repeat. The cycle continues. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth about how hard her life is. Then she takes him back....again.

Right, I get angry. I've run out of sympathy and compassion and all that's left is anger.

Well, sure. Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result, is the definition of insanity ��