Gifts

debodun

debodun

SF VIP
Location
way upstate in New York, USA
On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 = not at all, 10 = crushed), how badly would you feel if you learned that an expensive and though-out gift you gave a friend was sold (i.e. eBay, Craig's List, garage sale) or re-gifted by the recipient?
 

1 because once it's given, it's the recipient's to do with whatever he or she wants. I might rethink how and what I give to that person in the future though and wonder how well I know the friend.
 
Maybe in my younger years I would have been upset. These days not so much. The past few years I have been trying very hard to get family and friends to stop the gift giving. Not because of the expense but because I haven't the slightest idea what to get. All through the year I am hearing from my friends and relatives that they have to much stuff, they are cleaning out, don't need another thing. So why would you add to it? They know I am in the same boat,I've said it myself. One might think a gift certificate would be a great idea. One year we all got little boxes and exchanged gift cards,ridiculous. Books are nice, but I have a couple of friends who haven't opened a book in years. Why can't we just enjoy the holiday without the gift giving part except for the little ones. Watching them open gifts gives me all the pleasure I need. I think that is why I like Thanksgiving more than Christmas. This year I'll try the food route. A fruit basket or whatever. Even that can be a problem because at our age so many are on special diets. One year I tried that and the recipient said they couldn't eat the grapefruit because it interfered with her meds. I wish it was January.
 

Debodun I am curious as to how you found out? I am assuming you were the gift giver.

But to answer your question I would probably feel bad about it, not crushed but hurt. I have received gifts myself that I had no use for or simply did not like but I would display or use it for awhile just to not let the giver know.
 
I'd probably be a 5, disappointed but not crushed. Lots of people re-gift, better than having the item sit in their basement for the next 20 years, at least someone is enjoying it.

 
I wouldn't say anything but inside I'd be around a 9. I would seriously re-evaluate that friendship. Several years ago at Christmas time it was upsetting. We all still exchanged presents in the family. I had given some thought for each person. An Irish dancer doll for my niece the dance teacher, my brother is big on camping so something with that theme.

Then it dawned on me. The presents they gave me and my family were probably all re-gifted generic crap. You know like the boxed cookie sets and dish towels? We don't exchange presents anymore. But man that hurt...I only gift people who appreciate things now. It's not about expense, it's the thought. Best buddy gave me a bright t shirt with a dog face...he knows the perfect present.
 
We are in an ongoing process of weeding out what we already have. If someone gave an odd item (in our view), it doesn't mean disrespect, but it does become something else for us to deal with. If someone gave us a wind driven pepper-mill, for instance, we would not expect to keep it.
 
I agree with what others have said.

I would feel hurt but not say anything to the person, a gift is a gift.

These days I'm drowning in my own stuff and have dietary restrictions so I try to give simple gifts that don't need to be displayed and dusted or cause the recipient to gain weight! Things like flowers, a bottle of wine, a book, a movie, etc...
 
I might be disappointed but not angry. People have different tastes too. All we can do is try to pick something out that is thoughtful--hey you win some you lose some. I don't pick clothing out for the older granddaughters unless it is something specific that they want. Grandson will wear anything--he's always appreciative. Gift-giving can be a touchy thing. When someone gives something to you that you have no use for, you don't want to tell the giver that. It would cause hard feelings and make you look ungrateful. So maybe passing it along to someone who could use it would be a nice thing to do. Selling it and buying something you need might not be as disrespectful as it sounds--the money has not been wasted. If it is someone you exchange gifts with on a regular basis, next time think generic. A box of candy. Their favorite cologne. A diners card to a favorite restaurant. BTW, I would rate myself about a three.
 
1. Agree it's the recipient's to do what they wish with it. If I gave something that wasn't wanted, at least I tried and it's really the thought that matters. It's better that someone who enjoys or needs it, gets it.

I would never try to "follow up" to see what they recipient did with the gift. That goes against what giving a gift means. Some people shouldn't give gifts at all if they are so involved with what happens to it. That's not what I think the spirit of giving means, but just my 2 cents.
 
RadishRose said:
1. Agree it's the recipient's to do what they wish with it. If I gave something that wasn't wanted, at least I tried and it's really the thought that matters. It's better that someone who enjoys or needs it, gets it.

I would never try to "follow up" to see what they recipient did with the gift. That goes against what giving a gift means. Some people shouldn't give gifts at all if they are so involved with what happens to it. That's not what I think the spirit of giving means, but just my 2 cents.
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I agree, Radish Rose.
 
I think the biggest problem with gifts is that the giver subconsciously gives what THEY would like to receive, not what the recipient would like. For instance, I would appreciate a box of assorted teas yet a friend, who hates tea, would never think of giving that as a gift to anyone. One time, my friend in high school gave me a blouse in HER size for my birthday. I believe she thought I'd give it back to her, but I kept it, to teach her a lesson, even though I couldn't wear it she was size 32 and I was 38. For a week afterward, she kept asking me how I liked the blouse (maybe hinting that I should return it to her). I'd give her a vague answer. After a while she stopped. I never received another gift from her.
 
When someone is unsure about a size when purchasing a gift, they should ask prior to buying it if it can be exchanged for a larger size. At least, that is what I normally do. Today a lot of stores will offer gift receipts allowing the giftee the opportunity to exchange.
 
My ex was a very sweet, loving person; but she was a horrible gift giver. For example, her nephew was a computer geek. So she got him an abacus, the world's first computer. Her heart was in the right place, but what's a 14 year old game nerd going to do with a 2,500 year old device of beads on sticks,( and without instructions on how it works.) We give others gifts because we like them. If the gift doesn't fit into their lives, it doesn't mean they don't appreciate why you gave them the gift.
 
I stopped exchanging gifts years ago. I can understand it can be tricky to receive an obviously re-gifted present and I don't like it either and I never did it either.
 
What's the worst is getting your own gift back as a re-gift. That happened to me. I gave my boss's (at that time) daughter a butterfly brooch for her birthday. The next Christmas, I got it back. The next year I gave her a Laura Ingalls Wilder book. My boss looked at it and asked about it. I said it was about a pioneer girl and her family and life growing up on the American frontier. It was handed right back to me. My boss said that her daughter didn't have time to read anything but her homework studies. I gave up giving gifts to the boss's daughter.

butterfly.jpg
 
I Have never re-gifted a present. I know the person who gave it to me was caring and thought I would like it. However if someone in my family sees something I have and likes it ,I will give it to them to enjoy,but never as a present.
 

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