Day 17
@Inept brought up an important point. Yes, our beliefs are personal. And since all of us see and experience life differently, none of us can claim to know the full absolute truth. No matter how hard we try, our views of the world around us and what it means is based on our limited experiences, our limited minds and our limited ability to explain ourselves.
I too used to be an agnostic and it's a very good position to be in. I wasn't afraid to die. I'm still not. I'm more afraid of suffering and harm. We all have to die. We don't really know what happens, if anything, after that. It is what it is. Like
@Inept, I have no quarrel with anyone and see no point in thinking about it, let alone worrying over it.
For some reason, though, I was drawn to look into the existence of God. At the time, I was going through a difficult patch and someone suggested, why not ask God to grant your wishes. He told me about his experiences where God came to his rescue when he needed some money. At his greatest time of need, he prayed for a solution, and lo and behold, he found the exact sum he needed in an envelope slipped under his door the next day.
Unfortunately, lol, it never happened to me that way. Instead, God led me to dig deep into Christianity and see Him and the Bible in a different way. What do I mean when I said that "God led me"? I mean that the curiosity of my mind, and some events that happened consequently, felt like someone was leading me along a certain path.
Of course, this is my interpretation of what happened. Some of you may say that it's fortuitous whilst others may say that you see what you want to see which leads you where you want to go.
I'm sure your lives are no different. Very few of us have full control of our lives. Things happen and we may think we're acting independently, but actually, our choices are often limited. Almost all the important events in our lives are beyond our control - our birth, our parents and family, etc. Those of you who meditate know that even our thoughts are not really under our control.
And yet, we need to have a moral compass. We can act in ways that are harmful. We can also act in ways that are helpful. When we get depressed or sick, there are ways we can help ourselves to get better.
I pray to God and I see in my life ways by which I can make sense of it. I trust in God that even though I may not live up to expectations, He looks down on me and understands. This is one of the most significant surprises. I used to be afraid of the fact that God sees everything and like most people, I wanted to hide my shameful and naughty acts. I was worried that God may know what I'm thinking about sometimes. But now, I'm glad that God can see how hard I've tried and understand that I don't mean to harm anyone.
So, is God simply my imagination? A way by which I make sense of my life? Absolutely. But it feels real to me. He feels real to me. And this is as far as anyone can claim about truth. All our realities are ours, unique to us. No matter how you express it, it's just one way of interpreting what you experienced, your reality. My reality, even when we're sharing the same experience, is different from yours.
If you believe in God, and realise that your belief is your understanding of the universe, no matter how true you think it is, it is still only one interpretation of reality. What this means is that whether or not you believe in God is not a question about reality but a statement of your belief. It doesn't mean that your interpretation is wrong. It simply means that it may not be the reality that other people experience. It cannot be.
Interestingly, my reading of the Bible supports this viewpoint. To a large extent, we need to worship God because He is our moral compass. I find my strongest compass in Jesus Christ. So, I'm a Christian whether I like it or not. Fortunately, I found a Christian community who practices Christianity the way I do, with open arms and appreciation of other faiths. They see everyone as children of God and they try to "spread Christianity" by acts of love, not evangelism.
Thank God.