Good age to get married and have kids

PreciousDove

PreciousDove

Member
Well I was once married. I was 28 and had no children. My marriage lasted 12 yrs. and I was very happy that I had no children because I would have ended up being a single Mom. If I did have children I would have told my child when it comes to my topic.. Never but never do something because your friends are getting married. Marriage and children will be the biggest commitment that you will have to commit to.

If you have any reservations at all then you're not ready. make sure that any aspect in marriage you are thinking about to the fullest. Will you be financially stable, do you have a roof over your head that you could afford, did you talk about who would be working and raising children if there are any in the future. Every aspect needs to be committed to the fullest. You don't want to end up being a statistic.

What's the perfect age..? When you are committed to the fullest on all aspects of this marriage.
 

There's no perfect age.. it all depends how financially well off you are, how old you are mentally regardless of you age.. if you have a good stable background...

Some people swear that it's best to have children when young so they can grow up with them, and still be young when the kids are adults.. and others prefer to have got their career and hedonistic days out of the way before settling down with children in older age..
 
In my opinion you should only marry when you are ready to fully commit yourself to someone; same with having children. It's not something to be taken lightly. I never actually proposed to my wife. We had dated for five years and both knew we wanted to spend our lives together. We married as soon as I graduated from college and had a full time job. I was 22 and she was 21.
 
I'll go with the op's thought.

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'What's the perfect age..? When you are committed to the fullest on all aspects of this marriage.'

We've been married for 60 years & have what most consider an average family. 3 sons, 6 grand children & 3 great grandchildren.

Given the variety of bad news, everything from global warming to the projected lack of recourses 40 years from now I don't think if we were just now getting married I'd want to bring kids into the dismal future.
 
Knight said:
I'll go with the op's thought.

Quote
'What's the perfect age..? When you are committed to the fullest on all aspects of this marriage.'

We've been married for 60 years & have what most consider an average family. 3 sons, 6 grand children & 3 great grandchildren.

Given the variety of bad news, everything from global warming to the projected lack of recourses 40 years from now I don't think if we were just now getting married I'd want to bring kids into the dismal future.
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I say the exact same thing. If I were to be starting out now, I wouldn't have children....my daughter has always been of that same mindset , and has no children..
 
Knight said:
I'll go with the op's thought.

Quote
'What's the perfect age..? When you are committed to the fullest on all aspects of this marriage.'

We've been married for 60 years & have what most consider an average family. 3 sons, 6 grand children & 3 great grandchildren.

Given the variety of bad news, everything from global warming to the projected lack of recourses 40 years from now I don't think if we were just now getting married I'd want to bring kids into the dismal future.
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I want to say Congratulations 60 yrs is unheard of these days. I would be surprised if it was 60 days. I think a lot of people are getting married out of desperation. Without offending anyone most are getting married to stay in the country and have a better life then the way they had IMO.
 
I got married just before my 23rd birthday, and Mrs.L was just before her 20th. Perhaps it would have good to wait another year, but we had already been 'going together' for 4 years. Anyway, we'll shortly be celebrating 49 years together.
We have no grand kids, which I sometimes regret, but then again, I'm not sure that it's a good world to be born in to.
 
Capt Lightning said:
I got married just before my 23rd birthday, and Mrs.L was just before her 20th. Perhaps it would have good to wait another year, but we had already been 'going together' for 4 years. Anyway, we'll shortly be celebrating 49 years together.
We have no grand kids, which I sometimes regret, but then again, I'm not sure that it's a good world to be born in to.
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yes that's my only regret..not having grandchildren, but I tell myself if I was in my Daughter's shoes with the way the world is today, I wouldn't have children either..
 
hollydolly said:
I say the exact same thing. If I were to be starting out now, I wouldn't have children....my daughter has always been of that same mindset , and has no children..
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That "bad news" concept weighed heavily on our decision to have children when the time is right. Is the time ever right? Not if newspaper headlines are to be believed. We married very young, most thought that it was probably a shotgun wedding. Maybe it was a disappointment that the shotgun theory proved wrong. The same detractors turned the tables to suggest that we don't leave it too late.
Now both in our seventies, I think we might have left it a tad too late.
 
horseless carriage said:
That "bad news" concept weighed heavily on our decision to have children when the time is right. Is the time ever right? Not if newspaper headlines are to be believed. We married very young, most thought that it was probably a shotgun wedding. Maybe it was a disappointment that the shotgun theory proved wrong. The same detractors turned the tables to suggest that we don't leave it too late.
Now both in our seventies, I think we might have left it a tad too late.
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...but you never get a rest from it.. if you have no children you get nagged about when you're going to start...if you have only one, the nagging doesn't stop about how they can't be an only child... if you have 2 same sex children, the same naggers inists you must carry on until you have a different sex.. you can't ever win...
 
hollydolly said:
yes that's my only regret..not having grandchildren, but I tell myself if I was in my Daughter's shoes with the way the world is today, I wouldn't have children either..
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@hollydolly

Hols, we were constantly asked "when are you having a baby?".

Fortunately for my daughter & SIL, they don't get that ... because, the majority of her cousins have chosen not to have children as well.
 
Pinky said:
@hollydolly

Hols, we were constantly asked "when are you having a baby?".

Fortunately for my daughter & SIL, they don't get that ... because, the majority of her cousins have chosen not to have children as well.
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Absolutely Pinks.. I had the same. My daughter wasn't even 2 years old when I had the relatives going on about how I would be so bad if I let her be an only child.. I even had some say, that I owed it to my husband to try for a son.. well I could have gone on forever doing that, as it was when DD was 8 years old I did have a son but he died in the womb.. so that was the end of that for me.. and like your daughter, DD's friends are almost all childless or with just one child..
 
hollydolly said:
...but you never get a rest from it.. if you have no children you get nagged about when you're going to start...if you have only one, the nagging doesn't stop about how they can't be an only child... if you have 2 same sex children, the same naggers insists you must carry on until you have a different sex.. you can't ever win...
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You're not wrong Holly, but it does seem that attitudes are changing. Certainly events like Covid and the invasion of Ukraine have concentrated minds as to what kind of world is it to bring a new born into. Back in my wife's reproductive years she would refer to detractors, for whom our choice made no difference to their lives, as having "babies rabies."
 

I'm probably in the minority with this- at least from what I've heard from so-called 'experts' like that elderly fellow who created one of those 'dating' sites, and Oprah Winfrey- but from nearly everybody I've known through multiple generations, that Alan Jackson song says it. All the marriages I've known of that worked and lasted for many decades were couples who married their high-school sweethearts or individuals they met shortly after.

First, going by what a long-ago acquaintance said, relationships are most likely to work when the individuals "share the same values"- and that feature is more likely when individuals met when they were relatively young.

Second, it's the exact opposite of what so-called experts say- that young people 'don't know who they are' and 'don't know what they want,' but like one of my aunts said people become 'set in their ways' and aren't as able/willing to adjust/compromise, plus there's more focus on 'my' instead of 'our.' And I also agree with what @NorthernLight said about 'baggage.' I'd go as far as to say these are big reasons for the high divorce rate- people waiting too long.

So, in my opinion, unless people need to delay marriage because of education, "ideal" is between 18-21, and starting a family a couple of years later.
 
horseless carriage said:
You're not wrong Holly, but it does seem that attitudes are changing. Certainly events like Covid and the invasion of Ukraine have concentrated minds as to what kind of world is it to bring a new born into. Back in my wife's reproductive years she would refer to detractors, for whom our choice made no difference to their lives, as having "babies rabies."
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If I can chime in here- in and around the 1970s, I knew some couples who had only one child or none because of the focus on over-population. While I certainly agree there are often reasons to not have children, throughout time there have always been reasons.
 
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