Got a brush-off from my aunt in church

debodun

debodun

SF VIP
Location
way upstate in New York, USA
I saw my aunt was playing the organ at church (The regular organist wasn't there). I hadn't spoken with her in a while, so I walked up to the alter and started talking to her. She totally ignored me, so I persisted. She finally spun around, faced me and whispered,"Can you talk to me AFTER the service?" I was really miffed, so I left and didn't talk to her afterwards. Any opinions?
 

To be honest, I think you should have waited and not bothered her while she was playing the organ participating in the service. You got mad and left without talking to her later. If you value the relationship, maybe you should consider calling her to apologize and clear the air.
 
She could have been a little flustered in getting her stuff together since she was just filling in. Hard for us to really know without being there and seeing it first hand.
 

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debodun said:
I saw my aunt was playing the organ at church (The regular organist wasn't there). I hadn't spoken with her in a while, so I walked up to the alter and started talking to her. She totally ignored me, so I persisted. She finally spun around, faced me and whispered,"Can you talk to me AFTER the service?" I was really miffed, so I left and didn't talk to her afterwards. Any opinions?
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Did we all misunderstand and maybe you went up to her "before" church started? Back when I went to church if anyone had gotten up during church services and started talking to anyone the minister would have had deacons toss them out the door. I think next week you might want to talk to your aunt (before or after church) and sort of smooth out your relationship. Let us know how it goes.
 
I don't know how well your aunt plays. The organ is notoriously difficult. She was probably struggling not to screw up and didn't need the interruption. I'm sure your intentions were good, just didn't understand her difficulties.
 
debodun said:
I saw my aunt was playing the organ at church (The regular organist wasn't there). I hadn't spoken with her in a while, so I walked up to the alter and started talking to her. She totally ignored me, so I persisted. She finally spun around, faced me and whispered,"Can you talk to me AFTER the service?" I was really miffed, so I left and didn't talk to her afterwards. Any opinions?
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I think you probably should have waited until after the service also to speak with her. I can she why she would be upset and not wanting to chitchat at that point in time. I don't think you should have become so angry, and in my opinion, you should have waited and talked to her afterwards. If it were me, I'd contact her and apologize, but that decision is completely up to you.
 
Whether in church or anywhere else, very few musicians are able to keep on playing (halfway decently) while carrying on a conversation.
 
I'm sure she was just trying to concentrate on her playing, or on her preparations for playing. I doubt that she meant anything by it except that she couldn't have interruptions to her concentration at that moment.
 
If everyone who has problems were "diagnosed," we would all be in therapy for life. Not all of us have a strong social network/family base to help us figure things out. I applaud the OP's courage in reaching out to us. If members are not interested in offering support, there is no reason for them to do so. However, inferring some type of abnormality is both inaccurate and unkind.
 
Sunny said:
Whether in church or anywhere else, very few musicians are able to keep on playing (halfway decently) while carrying on a conversation.
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That's SO true. I was an excellent pianist. BUT ... even tho' I studied on pipe organs, I was never very adept. Miserable is more the word! :eek: But I was still called upon to fill in in various churches, denominations. That definitely didn't help matters since most of the time I wasn't at all familiar with the services.

Leave me alone before -- mercy, yes! Leave me alone during -- can't even imagine anyone not doing that.
 
Artists/musicians can be sensitive and titchy about being interrupted, in my experience. Surely the OP wouldn't have walked up to the alter in the middle of the service and interrupted, that would have been a big no no. But before the service, during practice doesn't seem so bad. I think both parties might be a little at fault but it doesn't warrant a family feud.
 
debodun said:
She was playing the prelude - when people are coming in and finding a place to be seated.
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Well I can understand why you though it might be ok to sidle up and have a few words...especially as you hadn't seen her for a long time, and there probably was no need for her to completely ignore you in the first place, it would have been better if she'd just quietly said she'd speak to you later , but never mind, it's a lesson learned for you too not to disturb someone while they're working and just wait until they're free to talk !
 

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