Got a Case of the Lonelies, Anyone Else?

I have held myself back from pursuing things with my cute single female neighbor out of similar concerns.

Are you now friends with your new senior neighbor, Northern ?
No. About a week ago I saw him from the balcony and asked if I could drop by. Mostly I wanted to ask how he was settling in, and whether he needed anything. We chatted for about an hour.

Other than that, no. I'm sure he has his own concerns, his own reasons for being here. He mentioned a former marriage a couple of times. Maybe it's very recent. I don't know.
 

Well, let’s put it this way. I was looking through classmates.com and this picture popped up, which I recognized as a friend from high school that I dated a few times, so I thought I would surprise her and ask how she was doing and what she has been up to since 1979. Every so often I receive a message from a former classmate, but I will admit that it’s probably been maybe 10 years since the last message. It’s called filling time while being bored.

I have a lot of friends from the military and here where I live, but none from when I went to school. I like to reflect back occasionally, but then I realize that I have no one to reflect back with.
I have a girlfriend from high school that I keep in touch with. We attended our 20-year reunion together in the 90's, even though I've had a male partner since 1991. We've kept in touch since Facebook was invented, and I occasionally send her old songs from the time we dated. We were together for 3 years, and she was my first true love. She is happily married, but I'm not a threat to her husband. :ROFLMAO:

I've since reached out to a couple of other close friends from high school and have had very positive interactions with them. It is interesting to see how our lives have unfolded.

I'm sorry you had such a negative experience when you reached out to a former high school friend. Her husband must be very insecure.
 
I signed up for the free version of classmates.com, which is useless. I'm sure the paid version is much better, but I'm not motivated enough to pay.

But I guess it's nice for lots of people. It gives you "something in common," and a reason for contacting someone.

My sister lives close enough to our old home town that she goes to the school reunions, neighborhood reunions, etc. She loves that kind of thing.

More than 40 years ago, an acquaintance had a ball game in that town, and I went with him out of curiosity. I saw that many of my former classmates had married each other and settled there. I thought it was really weird, as my life had taken a different direction. (I didn't actually talk to any of those people!)
Many of my classmates also married right out of high school and all but one couple that I can think of are now divorced. They also stayed in my home town, while I moved to pursue my career and a more full life. I can really relate to what you are saying.
 

No. About a week ago I saw him from the balcony and asked if I could drop by. Mostly I wanted to ask how he was settling in, and whether he needed anything. We chatted for about an hour.

Other than that, no. I'm sure he has his own concerns, his own reasons for being here. He mentioned a former marriage a couple of times. Maybe it's very recent. I don't know.

Wow, an hour is a long time. Sounds like you guys are getting off to a good start at being good neighbors. Congratulations on being brave and talking to him. I say brave because I would have to be brave to do the same thing, lol.
 
I haven’t been back home in years. All the relatives that I have live in NE Ohio, but they never contact me and I have decided to do the same. My only relative that I have a relationship with is a cousin. She has become my liaison between myself and my relatives.

I have tracked down a couple of old high school buddies and try to have conversations with them that begin with “Remember when……..,” but none of the 3 that I have contacted seem to want to discuss the events that happened back in our school days.

I guess it was 2 weeks ago, that I was able to find one of the girls I dated in high school (maybe twice) and I sent her a message through Facebook asking her how she was doing and just making small talk. A day or 2 later, I received a message on Facebook from her husband demanding that I stop harassing her and not to contact her anymore. I thought “you gotta’ be kidding. I sent her one message just to touch base and maybe to start a conversation, but then this guy wants to make some kind of big deal out of it.” So I thought “ok”, I won’t bother her anymore. I guess some people prefer to be left alone.
Take it as a compliment. She must have hinted to her husband that you were someone worth worrying about.
 
I've spent a lot of time alone, had my heart broken, etc., but I never knew what loneliness was until last winter. Really terrible.

I had occasion to think about this recently, when I refused an invitation to Canadian Thanksgiving. "Getting out there" to such events doesn't help at all. You're there, the big personalities dominate, and then you go home.

After a few months, I stopped "feeling" lonely. Maybe when I changed my expectations, e.g., feeling surprised and victimized because there was no one to talk to. Now I know there's no one to talk to, so at least I'm not surprised🤷‍♀️.

I have projects and so on that fill my days. It helps somewhat.

Personally, I have found that TV and movies mess me up and even cause sleep disturbances. I do watch sometimes though.

I know it's very unhealthy to be as isolated as I am, but hey, nothing's perfect.
When you work or go to school or participate in community projects it is easy to meet someone. It's a gradual observation of traits and humor and common interests. When you walk into a room of strangers you might feel like a jerk and you might look like one too. I guess a glass of wine could help.
 
When you work or go to school or participate in community projects it is easy to meet someone. It's a gradual observation of traits and humor and common interests. When you walk into a room of strangers you might feel like a jerk and you might look like one too. I guess a glass of wine could help.
Well, there's my problem -- I don't drink! Actually, one of the things I like about the neighbor's dinners is that there's little or no alcohol.

Anyway, yes. I don't work or go to school, but I'm gradually getting to know various people. Just a bit. "Hi" can become a longer conversation after the third or fourth time.

And I had a nice long chat in the grocery store with a lady I met at the neighbor's dinners.

I'm beginning to accept that this is my life now. Shooting the breeze in a friendly way every now and then. I no longer expect to have real friends or anyone close.
 
I have a girlfriend from high school that I keep in touch with. We attended our 20-year reunion together in the 90's, even though I've had a male partner since 1991. We've kept in touch since Facebook was invented, and I occasionally send her old songs from the time we dated. We were together for 3 years, and she was my first true love. She is happily married, but I'm not a threat to her husband. :ROFLMAO:

I've since reached out to a couple of other close friends from high school and have had very positive interactions with them. It is interesting to see how our lives have unfolded.

I'm sorry you had such a negative experience when you reached out to a former high school friend. Her husband must be very insecure.
I have been in touch with friends from way back. Not from high school but from college and later. They seem to find me or I find them (mostly women). One of my college friends had moved to Greece with her husband and a few years ago, she reached out to me through FB. I visited her in Greece when I was visiting family there. It was fun reminiscing and sharing our news. Now we stay in contact. Two other old friends have been maintaining contact, emailing me their news also. Sometimes we talk on the phone - at least an hour - lol. Then, there's the family (I have several sisters) so we maintain contact, too. Haven't had much luck with men, though. I get the impression they don't like to talk on the phone a lot. Maybe I ask too many questions.
 
I'm beginning to accept that this is my life now. Shooting the breeze in a friendly way every now and then. I no longer expect to have real friends or anyone close.
Same here. Even if I could convince my Huzz to move somewhere to where there were other people, even a "light" friendship probably wouldn't be in the cards for me.
 
Well, there's my problem -- I don't drink! Actually, one of the things I like about the neighbor's dinners is that there's little or no alcohol.

Anyway, yes. I don't work or go to school, but I'm gradually getting to know various people. Just a bit. "Hi" can become a longer conversation after the third or fourth time.

And I had a nice long chat in the grocery store with a lady I met at the neighbor's dinners.

I'm beginning to accept that this is my life now. Shooting the breeze in a friendly way every now and then. I no longer expect to have real friends or anyone close.
It seems to me that you would make a good friend. You tell it like it is and you don't have unreasonable expectations.
 
This Senior Living facility I live in consist of many apartments. Some of the residents are in need of assistance with various problems others of us take for granted. There are a few who have had strokes and need help in one area or another, as do a couple of Parkinson's sufferers.

Most of us are in our late 80's through early 100's.

One of the newer residents, who is my age and suffered a stroke a couple of years ago, invited me to his apartment today to check out his CD movies. He has a collection of over 400. I thought, well, this is a new take on looking at a guy's etchings, but off I went. He has a fabulous selection and offered to let me take what I wanted to view. We had a wonderful chat, and he told me he had been married 3 times. He lost his last and true love of his life to lung cancer. She just wouldn't stop smoking. He got all choked up and I felt really terrible for him. I told him it was heart warming to hear a man speak so well and lovingly of his wife, as some of these guys here are far less complimentary about their late wives.

There are a ton of pictures of his family throughout the apartment, and one was of him with a tall, dark and extremely handsome young man. I asked him if it was his son. It is, from his first wife. My waxing so enthusiastically about how good looking the fellow is made him laugh, saying, "ha, you've got the hots for my kid." We both chortled over that one, and I replied, "Jeff, I may be old, but I'm not dead."

All in all, it was a pleasant visit and I came home with 4 movies. For now.
 
My aunt has called me to move where she is Deer Lake Retirement Community but problem is the place is $200,000 to buy. I hate to pay that much for a one bedroom appartment.


https://www.tnbaptisthomes.org/deer-lake-retirement-community-c222z

That's close to what one-bedroom condo's (or co-op aparments) cost around here (and that's not even "senior" condos so no services are included). There are some seniors only mobile home parks but none of the senior apartment buildings offer units for sale; they're rent only.
 
seems to me, the connection we may feel for old loves lovers friends acquintances....is strickly one way....---.I suppose we (I) am alone...is the catalyst.it is strickly a one way vibe ..me for them -truth is they wouldnt spit in my face if my head was on fire.....or anyone else, I assume......I am alone but not hearless as these folks seem to be.....so who is better off.?? as usual ...me/..I figure it is gods/universes way of keeping aholes out of my life and future...thank you god/universe
 
Ok, even though I prefer right now to live alone with my little pets I get occasions where I feel lonely for some companionship, conversation, interacting. I want to talk to someone. Anyone else here feel that way now? 🐶 🐦 :D✌️🐸🐥🦕🐠🦢🦜🌷🌹🌈☀️🌊
the odd thing is, if you offer to webcam visit with someone they act like you are going to kidnap thier kids dogs relatives and hold them for ransome or worse.... go figure?
I will bet I could send a webcam link and you would decline --if not I will send it.
 
seems to me, the connection we may feel for old loves lovers friends acquintances....is strickly one way....---.I suppose we (I) am alone...is the catalyst.it is strickly a one way vibe ..me for them -truth is they wouldnt spit in my face if my head was on fire.....or anyone else, I assume......I am alone but not hearless as these folks seem to be.....so who is better off.?? as usual ...me/..I figure it is gods/universes way of keeping aholes out of my life and future...thank you god/universe
So sorry. I feel that way too. I always initiate the conversation but it tends to be a short back and forth with the other person hardly trying. Too much work.

I'm spending Thanksgiving alone today. Miss the old days having turkey, stuffing, gravy with my family. I know I'm not the only one, so there's that. Stupid sappy ads on TV are what really get to me. I wish they'd give it a rest already. Here's a hug. 🤗
 
Oh yes, there's days where I do feel lonely! However, my darling in the last year's he worked, was on contracts. It meant that wherever we moved, set-up home for us and munchkins, the company would move him further afield. Results, munchkins and I were months on end by ourselves. That was difficult enough to go through but it affected our kids more so.

I kept busy with organising the same over and again. Packing, unpacking boxes, setting up furniture, arranging installation, the whole lot. Not everything worked out all the time, lol, so it kept me, daughter and son occupied. When schooling became a problem, I took over their education. To this day, daughter says those were the best times and both went to College. I'm a proud Mum.

So, hubby died just over 6 months ago. The worst was arranging his funeral as it had been just over 5 years we had arranged a funeral for our son. That's where I felt the loneliest. Finally end of May, that took place. Due to Pandemic, there was only 7 people present, I felt hubby would feel lonely at that time.

These months since, it was tackling the changes of names and account holders. I'd say that was 75% successful. There's remnants of nightmares but it's ongoing and looks promising. So, the bills are direct debits, I just update my account once a month.

Now, I do keep busy, so does daughter. We work together in her Avon customers every two weeks. I've cleaned out the stuff that we'd meant to recycle after our latest house move. The hardest was packing all hubby's belongings but we got through it. Pandemic troubles again, many charity shops no longer have drivers for pickups. Thankfully, we found a good Samaritan at the Sally Ann.

At the end of the day, waiting for posts to come (postal strikes ongoing), emails unanswered, phone calls not returned, yadiyada... Not having hubby to discuss things is where I feel the worst. At my age and after having a good marriage for 36 years, I'm in no hurry to date again.

I just enjoy a daily convo with good friends. Thankfully, found this in this forum. I want to give myself a year and see how I'll feel then. I'm not one who went to bars, hubby and I worked a lot, overtime, name it we accepted the extra hours. It meant that when we were home together, we really appreciated our time. Films' always a huge love, so weekend evenings were spent in front of the box and the emergence of the VHS Tapes. That was fun!

It's really the little things such as planning the weekly shop and the meals, discussing the daily news, wondering if and when the outside wall is going to be fixed. Going to bed at night, wishing that when you wake up tomorrow, the last 6 months were just a nightmare...

Doctors offering pills, I declined... I bought the best medicine money can buy, a new kitten! Taking care of him and receiving his love and purrs is therapy at its best. Below is our loving CoffeeBean. Blessed be!
 

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Oh yes, there's days where I do feel lonely! However, my darling in the last year's he worked, was on contracts. It meant that wherever we moved, set-up home for us and munchkins, the company would move him further afield. Results, munchkins and I were months on end by ourselves. That was difficult enough to go through but it affected our kids more so.

I kept busy with organising the same over and again. Packing, unpacking boxes, setting up furniture, arranging installation, the whole lot. Not everything worked out all the time, lol, so it kept me, daughter and son occupied. When schooling became a problem, I took over their education. To this day, daughter says those were the best times and both went to College. I'm a proud Mum.

So, hubby died just over 6 months ago. The worst was arranging his funeral as it had been just over 5 years we had arranged a funeral for our son. That's where I felt the loneliest. Finally end of May, that took place. Due to Pandemic, there was only 7 people present, I felt hubby would feel lonely at that time.

These months since, it was tackling the changes of names and account holders. I'd say that was 75% successful. There's remnants of nightmares but it's ongoing and looks promising. So, the bills are direct debits, I just update my account once a month.

Now, I do keep busy, so does daughter. We work together in her Avon customers every two weeks. I've cleaned out the stuff that we'd meant to recycle after our latest house move. The hardest was packing all hubby's belongings but we got through it. Pandemic troubles again, many charity shops no longer have drivers for pickups. Thankfully, we found a good Samaritan at the Sally Ann.

At the end of the day, waiting for posts to come (postal strikes ongoing), emails unanswered, phone calls not returned, yadiyada... Not having hubby to discuss things is where I feel the worst. At my age and after having a good marriage for 36 years, I'm in no hurry to date again.

I just enjoy a daily convo with good friends. Thankfully, found this in this forum. I want to give myself a year and see how I'll feel then. I'm not one who went to bars, hubby and I worked a lot, overtime, name it we accepted the extra hours. It meant that when we were home together, we really appreciated our time. Films' always a huge love, so weekend evenings were spent in front of the box and the emergence of the VHS Tapes. That was fun!

It's really the little things such as planning the weekly shop and the meals, discussing the daily news, wondering if and when the outside wall is going to be fixed. Going to bed at night, wishing that when you wake up tomorrow, the last 6 months were just a nightmare...

Doctors offering pills, I declined... I bought the best medicine money can buy, a new kitten! Taking care of him and receiving his love and purrs is therapy at its best. Below is our loving CoffeeBean. Blessed be!
This kitten will help you so much. I had a cat when my husband passed away, and she helped me through it so much.
 
I repeat, we are better off ..just dont realize it. thank god for unaswered prayers as I stated it is the universes way of keeping some folks out of our lives...I have seen that work out in my favor many many times....some unknowns of couse ..but!!??
 
While I embrace my "me time" and my usual comfort with being alone kept me sane during lockdown, I do sometimes find myself wanting more interaction with others, I can get the best of both worlds here, I can stay in my apartment for several days, or go out and visit with others. I try to make myself interact with others sometime
 


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