Got a Case of the Lonelies, Anyone Else?

Hi Guys. Just chiming in with a good thing that happened today. I went to Pickleball, and only one other player was there, a 50 something female. We chatted a bit while waiting for other players to show up. No one did.

So I told her I would be in the workout room, and if enough players showed up, to come and get me.

Well, she did something better than that! She came and took me out of the workout room, to have a one on one Pickleball practice session with her!

Woohoo! She initiated !!

So I volleyed with her on an empty court for an hour.

She's married so there's no romance going to happen, but it felt really good to play with her.

Just wanted to add a bit of good news.

Carry on.
 

Alizerine said:
I don't have any advice tonight. Just found enough connection by dropping in that I can now go off and call it a day.
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Good to have a balance between being alone and having someone to be with.

I have two new girl friends I go out with now, and frankly, sometimes I just want to be alone, anyway, ha ha. And they are both nice, but, you know...

I call it 'cave time'.
 
I haven’t been back home in years. All the relatives that I have live in NE Ohio, but they never contact me and I have decided to do the same. My only relative that I have a relationship with is a cousin. She has become my liaison between myself and my relatives.

I have tracked down a couple of old high school buddies and try to have conversations with them that begin with “Remember when……..,” but none of the 3 that I have contacted seem to want to discuss the events that happened back in our school days.

I guess it was 2 weeks ago, that I was able to find one of the girls I dated in high school (maybe twice) and I sent her a message through Facebook asking her how she was doing and just making small talk. A day or 2 later, I received a message on Facebook from her husband demanding that I stop harassing her and not to contact her anymore. I thought “you gotta’ be kidding. I sent her one message just to touch base and maybe to start a conversation, but then this guy wants to make some kind of big deal out of it.” So I thought “ok”, I won’t bother her anymore. I guess some people prefer to be left alone.
 
I've spent a lot of time alone, had my heart broken, etc., but I never knew what loneliness was until last winter. Really terrible.

I had occasion to think about this recently, when I refused an invitation to Canadian Thanksgiving. "Getting out there" to such events doesn't help at all. You're there, the big personalities dominate, and then you go home.

After a few months, I stopped "feeling" lonely. Maybe when I changed my expectations, e.g., feeling surprised and victimized because there was no one to talk to. Now I know there's no one to talk to, so at least I'm not surprised🤷‍♀️.

I have projects and so on that fill my days. It helps somewhat.

Personally, I have found that TV and movies mess me up and even cause sleep disturbances. I do watch sometimes though.

I know it's very unhealthy to be as isolated as I am, but hey, nothing's perfect.
 
Pepper said:
You're calling people to talk 40 years later? You are strangers now @Been There
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Well, let’s put it this way. I was looking through classmates.com and this picture popped up, which I recognized as a friend from high school that I dated a few times, so I thought I would surprise her and ask how she was doing and what she has been up to since 1979. Every so often I receive a message from a former classmate, but I will admit that it’s probably been maybe 10 years since the last message. It’s called filling time while being bored.

I have a lot of friends from the military and here where I live, but none from when I went to school. I like to reflect back occasionally, but then I realize that I have no one to reflect back with.
 
Been There said:
Well, let’s put it this way. I was looking through classmates.com and this picture popped up, which I recognized as a friend from high school that I dated a few times, so I thought I would surprise her and ask how she was doing and what she has been up to since 1979. Every so often I receive a message from a former classmate, but I will admit that it’s probably been maybe 10 years since the last message. It’s called filling time while being bored.

I have a lot of friends from the military and here where I live, but none from when I went to school. I like to reflect back occasionally, but then I realize that I have no one to reflect back with.
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I've also looked for classmates from high school (guys and gals). Have not been successful though :(
 
I signed up for the free version of classmates.com, which is useless. I'm sure the paid version is much better, but I'm not motivated enough to pay.

But I guess it's nice for lots of people. It gives you "something in common," and a reason for contacting someone.

My sister lives close enough to our old home town that she goes to the school reunions, neighborhood reunions, etc. She loves that kind of thing.

More than 40 years ago, an acquaintance had a ball game in that town, and I went with him out of curiosity. I saw that many of my former classmates had married each other and settled there. I thought it was really weird, as my life had taken a different direction. (I didn't actually talk to any of those people!)
 
NorthernLight said:
"Getting out there" to such events doesn't help at all. You're there, the big personalities dominate, and then you go home.
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I agree; also, I usually get asked by women at those kind of gatherings how many kids and grandkids I have and when I respond "none", their faces fall (or scowl--seriously) and they literally turn away or even turn their backs to me. Better to stay home.
 
officerripley said:
I agree; also, I usually get asked by women at those kind of gatherings how many kids and grandkids I have and when I respond "none", their faces fall (or scowl--seriously) and they literally turn away or even turn their backs to me. Better to stay home.
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You're a bit of an anomaly if you don't have kids and if like me, never got married. I've had all kinds of assumptions made about me by people. Rarely am I ever asked a reason. And I've got one.
 
NorthernLight said:
I've spent a lot of time alone, had my heart broken, etc., but I never knew what loneliness was until last winter. Really terrible.

I had occasion to think about this recently, when I refused an invitation to Canadian Thanksgiving. "Getting out there" to such events doesn't help at all. You're there, the big personalities dominate, and then you go home.

After a few months, I stopped "feeling" lonely. Maybe when I changed my expectations, e.g., feeling surprised and victimized because there was no one to talk to. Now I know there's no one to talk to, so at least I'm not surprised🤷‍♀️.

I have projects and so on that fill my days. It helps somewhat.

Personally, I have found that TV and movies mess me up and even cause sleep disturbances. I do watch sometimes though.

I know it's very unhealthy to be as isolated as I am, but hey, nothing's perfect.
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Hi Northern! I see you are soldiering on. Glad to hear you are currently not feeling that desperate loneliness. I was feeling 'victimized', as you call it, too. I was like ' G D, people, notice me! I am a human and need love, too!' And everyone just ignores you, lol.

Anyway, I finally got some women to 'notice me', by (gasp) asking them out. (very scary for me). They said yes. I now have two women I see, and am thinking of asking a third one out.

I am not lonely any more ! I am infatuated with one of them, and not the other one. I am 'just friends' with both of them, and all I get is a kiss at the end of each date. But since I am not sure I even want the relationships to get s*xual, that's OK.

OK, I could go on and on, but I don't want to bore people to tears with my soap opera.

By the way, I met both of these nice ladies at my weekly social events, so who knows, Northern, you might meet a nice guy at some event like that. A lot of us guys are very shy, but if you approach us calmly, and quietly, we will be flattered, and will be happy to talk to you.
 
Good for you, @RandomName .

A "relationship" was always top priority for me, but now I think friendship would be okay. I have a few male friends -- mostly younger and long distance. It's nice to have some of the good aspects of closeness, while avoiding the various frustrations of intimacy.

I have a friend who was a competitive dancer. She said, "You never, ever sleep with your dance partner. Because then you fight."

My new senior neighbor seems like an amazing person, but maybe friendship is best. I've already learned that becoming involved with someone who lives nearby can be a mistake.
 
NorthernLight said:
Good for you, @RandomName .

A "relationship" was always top priority for me, but now I think friendship would be okay. I have a few male friends -- mostly younger and long distance. It's nice to have some of the good aspects of closeness, while avoiding the various frustrations of intimacy.

I have a friend who was a competitive dancer. She said, "You never, ever sleep with your dance partner. Because then you fight."

My new senior neighbor seems like an amazing person, but maybe friendship is best. I've already learned that becoming involved with someone who lives nearby can be a mistake.
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I have held myself back from pursuing things with my cute single female neighbor out of similar concerns.

Are you now friends with your new senior neighbor, Northern ?
 

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