Have Any Folks Here Started the Dying Process?

Mitch, I am sorry for what you are going through. I am 73 and still in good health. But, I saw my mother go through this process a few years ago. She was 87 when she passed. She had emphysema, they called it something else, but after doing research I saw it was what I thought. She smoked until she was 55, then quit cold turkey. I believe quitting gave he some good time she would not have had.

Her death took over 10 years and it was slow in the since that for most of the time she was not sickly or unable to live her normal life, she just had a nagging cough. I think she was in the hospital a couple of times for a chest cold or flu, but she always bounced back and was out in no time. Over last three years she lost weight and had to go on oxygen full time. She was never in pain until the very end and even then, her doctor helped her manage it, so she was pretty comfortable most all of the time. She refused to go into the hospital and wanted to stay in her apartment. The last year we had someone there with her 24/7 to help her get around and see she was comfortable. I was with her the day before she passed. We set and talked for a few hours as I recall it was a nice visit. She could not walk much so I carried her to bed before I left. Her night lady was already there with us.

I was close to mom as my dad had past 11 years or so before mom. So, she moved closer to us so that as she aged, I could be close.

Mom passed in her sleep that night, the night lady checked on her at 3am and she was not breathing, and she could not detect a heartbeat. Mom had a do not resuscitate, order so the lady just called me. I drove over and spent some quite time with her. She was a very religious person and did not fear death. She lived a beautiful life and was always a beautiful woman and mother. I was blessed to have her as my mother...
 
We all started the dying process the day we were born. I'm sorry you are in the end stages Mitch.
I'm not in that stage but I think my fear would be that it would be painful. That shouldn't worry anyone though as they have hospice care and make you quite comfortable.
I would fear being alone. Do you have family nearby?
What are your thoughts Mitch?
Are you sad, angry, scared, all of the above?
Tell us how you feel at this moment if you can. 🕊
 

hearlady said:
I would fear being alone.
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I've heard so many people say this, so I assume that makes me a strange bird... but I'm the opposite. I would not want to put my family, especially my daughter, through that. I'd want her to remember all the laughs and joys and good times and not sit there and watch me dying. I just wouldn't. I'd want to say the goodbyes and then have people leave so their last memory of me isn't that. I'm not really expecting many to agree, and that's fine. 🤷‍♀️
 
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CallMeKate said:
I've heard so many people say this, so I assume that makes me a strange bird... but I'm the opposite. I would not want to put my family, especially my daughter, through that. I'd want her to remember all the laughs and joys and good times and not sit there and watch me dying. I just wouldn't. I'd want to say the goodbyes and then have people leave so their last memory of me isn't that. I'm not expecting anyone to agree, and that's fine. 🤷‍♀️
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No, I get it. 🙂
 
CallMeKate said:
I've heard so many people say this, so I assume that makes me a strange bird... but I'm the opposite. I would not want to put my family, especially my daughter, through that. I'd want her to remember all the laughs and joys and good times and not sit there and watch me dying. I just wouldn't. I'd want to say the goodbyes and then have people leave so their last memory of me isn't that. I'm not expecting anyone to agree, and that's fine. 🤷‍♀️
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I agree. For me, I think dying is a personal thing. As long as I’m not suffering, I’d be okay being alone. Recently my 87 year old brother died, and he wanted to be alone. In fact, all my family died alone. I think it’s an okay thing.
 
Dubee said:
I agree. For me, I think dying is a personal thing. As long as I’m not suffering, I’d be okay being alone. Recently my 87 year old brother died, and he wanted to be alone. In fact, all my family died alone. I think it’s an okay thing.
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I went to see my Daddy when he was dying 18 months ago and I sensed so strongly that he didn't want us to see him like that. That's what is in the front of my mind now when I think of him instead of the 64 years I had with the dearest man on the planet. I should have spoken up to my siblings against doing it that way and marching us all in there when it was against his wishes. :cry:
 
I read somewhere that for women, menopause is the first sign you body sends you that is starting the process of dying. I worry about being strong enough for my husband when he needs me, but as for myself, I just want no pain. My brother played 18 holes of golf, came home and took his last shower, then sat down to watch the news. He knew how to do it! I don't want a lot of time to think about things, just get it done.
 
If your doctor meant you have a terminal illness, please seek hospice care. You will be taken care of well and helped to walk the dying process or path. These agencies have support groups and counseling. The social workers (in the USA) help patients with emotional support and arranging for needs to be taken care of. The nursing staff and doctors help with pain and general medical care. I've found great comfort reading books about life after death. I have my beliefs and I am not afraid. I've seen relatives have excellent hospice care, even one in a live there hospice place, and that made it so much easier on them. Some people erroneously believe hospice care means they make you die but this is not true. I wish you well, I wish you the best transition.
 
Mitch86 said:
My Geriatrician told me last week that I have "less than one year to live."
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That's great that your doctor is able to be open and honest about it. Congratulations on having made it to such an old age.

My mother's doctor was not as good as yours, and so she was taken by surprise at how quickly her life ran down. Looking back I'd say that her last year her appetite was very finicky, she didn't keep up with paperwork like she had before (though when I went through her stuff I found that she renewed her passport, but maybe it was just a habit to do that), and toward the very end she was sometimes too weak to get up to go to the bathroom and she would call me to come help her (specifically she'd activate her medical alert button and then ask those people call me). The last week she had those dreams that a lot of dying people have, comforting ones about relatives waiting for you. My mom was in the hospital when she died (because her doctor had not been forthcoming and she still thought there might be something fixable to keep her going for a couple more years, only at that time she insisted he tell her what was wrong with her and she'd googled it and it sounded like a person would have a few years left which she was feeling encouraged by, but later my daughter showed me texts from a couple years before that my mom had started having the symptoms then. I wish her doctor had talked to her at that time, because the following year she spent a lot of money and time getting dental implants, I'm sure she expected to live another decade).
 
Dave03 said:
Actually, yes. I've been doing some cleaning and throwing out a lot of stuff, and it occurred to me that I'm getting rid of things so my kids don't have to go through it when I die.

Kind of morbid, I know.
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Not so morbid ... prudent! I just gave my older daughter my pin number to all of my devices, computer, tablets etc. I also pointed out where all my important documents were situated! No, I don't dwell on dying and live each day to the full, which for me is reading, "talking" to people in this forum, watching favourite TV shows and playing Diablo II Resurrected on my computer! And eating good, totally unhealthy stuff! What the heck, at 87 why not???
 
Old Salt said:
No, I don't dwell on dying and live each day to the full
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^^^^^^^^^ That right there... that's so important. I can't imagine being told I have a year or 6 months (or whatever) left to live and choosing to focus on the "dying process" part instead of squeezing every joy out of every day that I could manage. And yes, I'm a believer and can feel confident in what my faith tells me lies ahead, but that's not an invitation to dwell on it and not cherish life on this ol' planet while I still have it. @Old Salt
 
CallMeKate said:
I've heard so many people say this, so I assume that makes me a strange bird... but I'm the opposite. I would not want to put my family, especially my daughter, through that. I'd want her to remember all the laughs and joys and good times and not sit there and watch me dying. I just wouldn't. I'd want to say the goodbyes and then have people leave so their last memory of me isn't that. I'm not really expecting many to agree, and that's fine. 🤷‍♀️
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I think everyone should have whatever ending they want (y) . I have heard beautiful stories of being with someone as they pass but I understand if anyone chooses otherwise. I do not know what I would request.....I do not think I NEED anyone with me because I am quite Spiritual and seriously believe the Spirits I talk to every day will be there when I 'go'
Of course, it is easy to speculate when not facing an actual time table. Speaking of which it always sort of annoys me when doctors presume to know when anyone will depart, but that is a different topic.
 
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Serenity4321 said:
I have heard beautiful stories of being with someone as they pass but understand if anyone chooses otherwise. I do not know what I would request
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Having read the American doctor Atul Gawande's book "On Being Mortal" on the end of life process, he pretty well shoots down the likelihood of anyone having a storybook death. Rarely is anyone clear headed at the end and surrounded by loved ones with everyone saying what is most important to them to say as the dying depart this world. More likely we are unconscious or racked with pain and would welcome being unconscious. I'd say one should say whatever is important say long before the bedside deathwatch begins.
 
Mitch86, thank you for sharing your story. I would be interested in hearing your thoughts and feelings if you so choose and have nothing but respect and well wishes and blessings for you when thinking of you. :)
 
MarkD said:
Having read the American doctor Atul Gawande's book "On Being Mortal" on the end of life process, he pretty well shoots down the likelihood of anyone having a storybook death. Rarely is anyone clear headed at the end and surrounded by loved ones with everyone saying what is most important to them to say as the dying depart this world. More likely we are unconscious or racked with pain and would welcome being unconscious. I'd say one should say whatever is important say long before the bedside deathwatch begins.
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I have not experienced the last-minute dying process but my husband was with his father when he died. At the last moment, there was a tremendous smile on my FIL's face as he reached up.It was according to my husband a peaceful passing. I do not know if that is rare but many stories are told of uplifting moments..Jobs had one with his ' oh WOW' moment..
I do agree no one should wait to say what is important to be said...
 

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