Have you ever lied, not to hurt someone?

Sassycakes

Sassycakes

SF VIP
Location
Pennsylvania
I remembered something today about someone I never told the truth to. Years ago a neighbor of mine that I was friends with even though she was much older than me. I heard from a friend of mine that lived in an apartment that my neighbor's husband would use his apartment when my friend was working to take women there to have sex. She would make sure she looked perfect when he came home. I never told her what I knew. Would you ? They had 4 kids.
 

I would not have said anything in this case. And perhaps the woman knew more than she let on. Or she could have been completely in the dark. It happens.

I have no idea why, but I used to be honest to a fault. I didn't even know how to be honest to protect myself. I would have told some stranger who knocked at the door I was alone. I don't know where this came from but like many things, those little lies, I had to learn.
 
@Sassycakes I don't think what you did could be considered a lie unless the woman came to you, asked you if her husband was having sex with other woman and you said "no". What you did was simply choose not to inform her and interfere. And I think you did the right thing.

I've told a few little "white lies", but I think what I've done most is exactly what you did. Just choose to keep my mouth shut.
 
For a time, I had a roommate. People kept throwing him out, and I got stuck with him. He is a good guy. He met this girl, a nurse, and they decided to marry. But he had an affair with another nurse, whose husband, a psychologist, was having an affair with another nurse. At the hospital, we had a staff meeting. All of the above were present, including me. I didn't say anything.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
For a time, I had a roommate. People kept throwing him out, and I got stuck with him. He is a good guy. He met this girl, a nurse, and they decided to marry. But he had an affair with another nurse, whose husband, a psychologist, was having an affair with another nurse. At the hospital, we had a staff meeting. All of the above were present, including me. I didn't say anything.
Click to expand...
That is smart. But I can't help but wonder what would have happened had you let the cats out of the bags.
 
Sassycakes said:
I remembered something today about someone I never told the truth to. Years ago a neighbor of mine that I was friends with even though she was much older than me. I heard from a friend of mine that lived in an apartment that my neighbor's husband would use his apartment when my friend was working to take women there to have sex. She would make sure she looked perfect when he came home. I never told her what I knew. Would you ? They had 4 kids.
Click to expand...
This is the way I'd look at that situation:
what if you were in the wife's place and everyone around except you knew your husband was cheating on you? I'd think the humiliation would be much harder to take than if someone were to quietly give her the information. Then she could decide for herself what to do.

First, though, make sure it's fact, not just rumours.
 
I would agree to stay clear especially as it is second hand info.........
It never is good to be involved in that sort of situation no matter what ....
had a boss whom i had worked for his wife earlier in my career
his wife called me asked directly if i thought he was having an affair...... with his assistant ....i had NO knowledge of that ... never seen any signs etc told her that
months later he filed for divorce and left with his assistant ........ the wife NEVER forgave me .... never understood how the truth got me in bad graces.......... i simply did NOT know and told her that.
 
In the OP's situation with an acquaintance, I would not say anything. Let it be. Depending on the specific situation, I'll either be frank, honest about whatever, or not say anything at all even if directly asked. There are very very few situations in life, even small stuff, where I've ever even considered lying. Many people constantly tell white lies even about trivial matters that IMO is a character flaw that becomes habit. I can sense those that seem to be thinking in such ways by their mannerisms and what they say.

Here on Internet communities, the thing that most people continually lie about regarding others is the quality of other member's photos. The worst are at actual photography communities where people post images for feedback or judged ratings. What results are mutual admiration stroking societies with endless diarrhea...

WOW AMAZING INCREDIBLE OMG
 
David777 said:
Many people constantly tell white lies even about trivial matters that IMO is a character flaw that becomes habit. I can sense those that seem to be thinking in such ways by their mannerisms and what they say
Click to expand...
Once regarded as simple save someones feelings little lie ................becomes too easy to spit out

IMO it leads to more and more ........maybe more significant lies....
I seldom even consider it ........I find it easier to tell the truth then remember a lie......
Only a few gifted liars...... i have come across and they are not generally worthwhile people.
The only thing worse then a good liar is the BAD ones.
 
Jace said:
Oh! Yah...whatever you say :censored:...could come back..and "bite you in the bu** :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
My dad wasn't referring to strangers, he was referring to people known to you. The possibility of losing a meaningful relationship, as a result of interfering, regardless the initial problem had nothing to do with you. PS I just treated my eyes with castor oil, so I can't type now. Hope that clarifies.
 
RadishRose said:
Yes I have lied to spare feelings.
I would not interfere in this case.
Click to expand...
Sassycakes said:
I remembered something today about someone I never told the truth to. Years ago a neighbor of mine that I was friends with even though she was much older than me. I heard from a friend of mine that lived in an apartment that my neighbor's husband would use his apartment when my friend was working to take women there to have sex. She would make sure she looked perfect when he came home. I never told her what I knew. Would you ? They had 4 kids.
Click to expand...
Maybe I don't fully understand the circumstances, but it doesn't sound like you lied about anything. Was the information you had second hand too? I agree with RadishRose, I wouldn't interfere either.
 
Sometimes, revealing information can yield positive results.

A housekeeper worked for a married couple. She asked the wife for a raise.
"Well, why do you think you deserve a raise?" asked the wife.
Housekeeper: "There are three reasons why I deserve a raise. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Housekeeper: "Your husband said so."
Wife: "Oh."
Housekeeper: "The second reason is that I'm a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense. Who said you were a better cook than me?"
Housekeeper: "Your husband did."
Wife: "Oh."
Housekeeper: "The third reason is that I'm a better lover than you."
Now, the wife is really furious & asks, "Did my husband say that, too?"
Housekeeper: "No. The gardener did."
She got the raise.
 
I watch people lie every day in stores where clerks ask invasive questions like How are you doing today? People are there to buy a product, not report on their condition to a clerk. This prying/lying ritual didn’t exist when I was growing up. Clerks were there to help you if asked, but to respecf your privacy otherwise. Regarding the man in the apartment, it’s a tough call. The other woman could be prone to violence toward the wife, or have a sexual disease, or simply be the impetus for the man to leave his family. In all these cases it would be good for the wife to be forwarned. I think the decision is up to the individual circumstance.
 
RadishRose said:
Yes I have lied to spare feelings.
I would not interfere in this case.
Click to expand...
If I was asked, I would be honest. Finally, I read the post again, and it doesn't appear SassyCakes was asked anything. How can you lie if you aren't asked? Is not telling the neighbors what you heard about them lying?
 
Tabby Ann said:
I watch people lie every day in stores where clerks ask invasive questions like How are you doing today? People are there to buy a product, not report on their condition to a clerk. This prying/lying ritual didn’t exist when I was growing up. Clerks were there to help you if asked, but to respecf your privacy otherwise. Regarding the man in the apartment, it’s a tough call. The other woman could be prone to violence toward the wife, or have a sexual disease, or simply be the impetus for the man to leave his family. In all these cases it would be good for the wife to be forwarned. I think the decision is up to the individual circumstance.
Click to expand...
Yes, sort of case by case.
 
Many of us remember the Joey Butafuocco case in 1992 when the young woman he was having an affair with went to his wife’s home and shot her in the face after she opened the front door. Then there is the killer clown case going on right now where the other woman dressed up as a clown and shot the wife in the face and killed her when she opened the front door. Could these wives had been saved if they had known about these affairs? Who knows ??
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top