Have you ever trusted someone and had that trust broken?

Paco Dennis

Paco Dennis

SF VIP
Location
Mid-Missouri
Of course you have. It has happened all through our lives. It is a complex affair when we trust someone or something and it turns out bad...either by spreading around what you said to them in confidence, or they ruin something important you gave them or borrowed, when we expect something that we have agreed on and they break the agreement, etc. We can even trust in things that are lemons.
I am wondering if it is better to not trust others and then they won't hurt us, or to put trust first with everyone so that a relationship can blossom. Maybe there is a way to do both?
 

Had to laugh, Paco, when I read "Of course you have." ...because, ye-ah. A handful of times for me, but the worst was my first wife. Long time ago.

These days, it's my relationship with CSP (as a foster parent) and social services, and I'm not sure which is worse, them or individuals. Everyone's supposed to trust those two agencies to at least meet minimal expectations, but when an ex breaks your trust it breaks your heart too.

After my divorce, I was overly cautious about trusting anyone. Betrayals still happened, so I think the only way to avoid that is to just be a stone-cold brick wall. But there's no enjoyment in life then. I can't be that way. Just gotta take my lumps when they happen. And that gets easier over time; easy to walk away from, easy to fuggetaboutit.
 

I used to be a very trusting person. Life dealt me some hard knocks over the years, culminating in my ex and his affairs. My naïveté and gullibility combined with how trusting I was back then resulted in the affairs going on for some time before I became aware or them.

These days I am way more guarded and don’t extend trust very often. I keep my expectations of others’ word and follow through low, so that I’m seldom betrayed. It’s an “I’ll believe it when I see it” attitude, but without bitterness or rancor.

It goes hand in hand with my recognition that I am powerless over everyone but myself, and that I am the only person I can control, so I don’t become heavily invested in the outcomes of others actions or lack thereof with few exceptions. Those exceptions extend to the very few people I trust….my husband and children and a couple of select friends.
 
Ronni said:
I used to be a very trusting person. Life dealt me some hard knocks over the years, culminating in my ex and his affairs. My naïveté and gullibility combined with how trusting I was back then resulted in the affairs going on for some time before I became aware or them.

These days I am way more guarded and don’t extend trust very often. I keep my expectations of others’ word and follow through low, so that I’m seldom betrayed. It’s an “I’ll believe it when I see it” attitude, but without bitterness or rancor.

It goes hand in hand with my recognition that I am powerless over everyone but myself, and that I am the only person I can control, so I don’t become heavily invested in the outcomes of others actions or lack thereof with few exceptions. Those exceptions extend to the very few people I trust….my husband and children and a couple of select friends.
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Thank you so much for your post. It is a gem of expression, and your words are very meaningful to me. :)
 
When I was a pimply, fresh faced teenager, my Auntie Penny used to say to me, "Don't trust anyone, Tim, especially girls who flutter their eyes at you and give you great big smiles, they are only after your money."

I used to reply, "But I've got no money, Auntie Pen, so I think I'll just take a chance." 😊
 
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Paco Dennis said:
Of course you have.
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Of course, it happens to us all.

I don't let it keep me from trusting people, I am happier believing I can trust and I think most people appreciate being trusted. However I am a bit careful with putting too much at risk, financially or emotionally, with people I don't know well. So a careful truster maybe?
 
Paco Dennis said:
Of course you have. It has happened all through our lives. It is a complex affair when we trust someone or something and it turns out bad...either by spreading around what you said to them in confidence, or they ruin something important you gave them or borrowed, when we expect something that we have agreed on and they break the agreement, etc. We can even trust in things that are lemons.
I am wondering if it is better to not trust others and then they won't hurt us, or to put trust first with everyone so that a relationship can blossom. Maybe there is a way to do both?
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Good topic, @Paco Dennis! Building and losing trust is part of life. We learn who to trust and who not too. I'm a very trusting person, but at the same time, intuitive. So if my intuition gives me vibes that the other person is lying or acting incongruently from their words, then I become watchful and alert.

I look for signs or actions to verify my hunch. Yes, I sometimes am vigilant in this regard, because like others, I also have lost trust in people throughout my life. However, going one step further, I also try and understand where that person is coming from, particularly if they had a difficult childhood or life, and they've learned to be that way to everyone. I can still love them, especially if they're my relative, but I do not trust them. Is it possible? I think so. It's not an ideal situation, but you can still forgive that person for their untrustworthy actions, and move on, especially if they acknowledge what they did or are repentant and want to correct things. I'm a sucker for giving people second and third chances. Now fourth chances, that's another story.:)

There's a book I read a long time ago called SMART TRUST by Steven Covey which is incredible, and this trust issue is a global phenomena.
 
Trust in others is inversely related to the amount of $$$ involved. The world is full of habitually manipulative untruthful people that will blurt out anything after filtering through their agendas. Even making white lie excuses for trivial matters, for instance why they don't have more time to talk on the phone after initiating a phone call to you after you listening to whatever. "Oh sorry, I need to do my laundry." Such acquaintances eventually become rather obvious to those with high social intelligence picking up on non-verbals.

Trust of another person depends on trust about what? If a woman making dinner for a group announces "dinner is ready", I'll trust it will be cooked and warm but at that point maybe not how well it will taste if I was not familiar with that person. My Mom yeah would trust everything she made. There is much I would not trust posting on this or other boards if I mentioned naively "please don't mention this elsewhere". Generally I am not an easy person to mislead.
 
Paco Dennis said:
Of course you have. It has happened all through our lives. It is a complex affair when we trust someone or something and it turns out bad...either by spreading around what you said to them in confidence, or they ruin something important you gave them or borrowed, when we expect something that we have agreed on and they break the agreement, etc. We can even trust in things that are lemons.
I am wondering if it is better to not trust others and then they won't hurt us, or to put trust first with everyone so that a relationship can blossom. Maybe there is a way to do both?
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Are you familiar with the saying, (I'm paraphrasing Bob Marley here), "In the end, everyone is going to hurt you. It's just a matter of deciding who is worth the pain."
 
Medusa said:
Are you familiar with the saying, (I'm paraphrasing Bob Marley here), "In the end, everyone is going to hurt you. It's just a matter of deciding who is worth the pain."
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I've decided now, no-one is worth the pain... no-one, there's only so much pain one can take.. or what one might be expected to take before it causes health problems in some manner or other..
 
hollydolly said:
I've decided now, no-one is worth the pain... no-one, there's only so much pain one can take.. or what one might be expected to take before it causes health problems in some manner or other..
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@hollydolly .. Mental anguish can, and does, lead to physical pain, for certain. I suffered neuropathic pain during a very difficult relationship where I was subjected to constant mental abuse.
 
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