He died alone

Leann

Leann

Traveler
We had been friends for five years or so. He wanted to be more than that but I didn't feel the same so we carved out a nice friendship. We lived about 10 miles apart, separated by one long country road. His health was just starting to present challenges when we met. He had one or two major health issues and elected a casual, "wait and see" approach. It didn't work. Over the ensuing years, his one or two problems multiplied five-fold. You name it, he had it. His life was an endless stream of doctors appointments and he was never without pain.

He had two daughters, neither of whom lived nearby. He would have given anything to have them visit more often or call frequently. They didn't. I don't doubt that they loved their father but he wasn't a priority. As he grew sicker and sicker, he became more dependent. I took him to doctors appointments, to the pharmacy to pick up medications, to the emergency room more than once, to the hospital for two major surgeries and to the grocery store. I'd do his laundry periodically, clean up around his house and help with other chores.

I'm no saint. I did this because he had no one else who cared enough to help him on an ongoing basis. It was sad. A few weeks ago his health declined quickly. He had gone to see his doctor and got prescriptions for two more medications which became part of a mind-boggling arsenal of drugs he took every day. He was weak and bloated. Forty-eight hours later he was dead.

He died alone. I found him in his home. I wonder what his last thoughts were. I wonder if he was afraid.

His daughters arrived within hours of learning of his passing, overwhelmed with grief, guilt and regret. How he would have loved to have spent time with them before he left this earth.

It saddens me that people can be forgotten while they are still alive. He deserved better.

I don't know why I'm posting this other than the hope that writing this will help me process what has happened over the past few years.

Thank you.
 

Leann, I for one am glad you have posted this. I of course did not know this man, but from what you wrote I do think he knew you as a valued friend who deeply cared for him. In his last moments I do think those thoughts had to cross his mind what a pleasure it was to have known you as a friend. I am also deeply sorry for your loss and hope just my few words may have helped a little.
 
I probably will also. Had it not been for me my wonderful wife would have also been alone. People if you have old kin that you love....give up your own "thing" and go see them before it's too late...
 
Condolences.

But don't second guess yourself for any reason. You helped him out in his final days.

And just important he passed in his home. Most will tell you they'd rather go in their house and not a hospital.

I salute for being a good person in this case in particular.
 
Leann, it was sad that his daughters didn't visit and contact him more often, unfortunately that is the way in a lot of families, they are feeling the guilt now, but it's too late.

You were very kind to care for him, I'm sure you brightened his day every time you kept him company, took care of him, drove him to doctors and hospitals and saw to it that he had the medications he needed. Sometimes when older folks get so sickly, they accidentally overdose on their medications, perhaps forgetting that they already took those pills and end up taking them again. If he was in a sickly and weakened condition, it may not have taken very much to put him in danger. He may have been afraid, or maybe just too tired to be aware of what was happening. That's something you can never really be sure of.

You should feel some comfort in knowing that you did so much to help him while he was still living, as others have said, you are truly a good person. My sympathy for your loss, I know it hurts you just like you were part of his family. :rose:
 
So sorry for the loss of your friend. I'm going through a similar situation with 2 very good friends. I will not abandon them like their family has. I worked in a nursing home for many years and saw heartbreaking situations many times over. I'm happy you were there for him. It really does mean so much.
 
Leann,

I am so sorry for your loss. You were a blessing in his life, and a comfort to his children-knowing that he had you. This story makes us all stop and think; thanks for sharing it.

AZ Jim,

In my opinion, no one dies alone. The deity, of our choosing, is there, beside you, guiding the way home. You will see your wife again. I will see my boys.
 
Aneeda72 said:
Leann,

I am so sorry for your loss. You were a blessing in his life, and a comfort to his children-knowing that he had you. This story makes us all stop and think; thanks for sharing it.

AZ Jim,

In my opinion, no one dies alone. The deity, of our choosing, is there, beside you, guiding the way home. You will see your wife again. I will see my boys.
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I absolutely agree with you. I am looking forward to my wife and my reunion.
 
I've heard of cases where the only people a person has to talk to are cashiers, bus/taxi drivers, and maintenance workers. Everyone else is so "busy".

Sometimes we need to remember that a few minutes of chitchat would make a big difference in another person's day.
 
Thank you, everyone, for your kind words. I'm still running the events leading up to his passing through my mind. I'll miss my conversations with him, listening to his stories about his career, the people he met along the way, the challenges he faced and the successes he didn't expect.

He was financially disorganized and didn't give his health the attention he could have before all of the medical issues loomed large. But he wasn't mean or unkind. His pain is over now, his house has been cleaned out of his earthly stuff, his daughters still reeling from his passing. They've reached out to me several times since his death. I wanted to say that he longed for visits from them, to sit outside on the front porch and talk about anything or just sit in silence. I didn't say that. I told them that he loved them more than all of the stars in the universe. And he did.
 
I've seen so many people "die alone", even those with caring family members. Since we can't be holding a loved one's hand 24/7 when they're in a hospital or nursing home, it's bound to happen. This saddens me deeply.
 
Leann said:
Thank you, everyone, for your kind words. I'm still running the events leading up to his passing through my mind. I'll miss my conversations with him, listening to his stories about his career, the people he met along the way, the challenges he faced and the successes he didn't expect.

He was financially disorganized and didn't give his health the attention he could have before all of the medical issues loomed large. But he wasn't mean or unkind. His pain is over now, his house has been cleaned out of his earthly stuff, his daughters still reeling from his passing. They've reached out to me several times since his death. I wanted to say that he longed for visits from them, to sit outside on the front porch and talk about anything or just sit in silence. I didn't say that. I told them that he loved them more than all of the stars in the universe. And he did.
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It is you who are kind, Leann, because your kindness is action, not mere words. Your friendship was a gift to this man and your thoughtful words of comfort to his daughters show loving consideration. I heard a minister once say as part of his sermon that our lives should be a blessing to others and to me it is clear that your life must have been this to many people in your little corner of the universe.

Bless you, Leann, for your loving heart.
 
reminded me of that woman living out in the Siberian woods with a neighbour just over the hill. He died alone if I recall and she was the only friend around for miles but didn't make it in time!!
 
applecruncher said:
I've heard of cases where the only people a person has to talk to are cashiers, bus/taxi drivers, and maintenance workers. Everyone else is so "busy".

Sometimes we need to remember that a few minutes of chitchat would make a big difference in another person's day.
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That

Is so very true

Ever gently touch a deaf and blind person?
They immediately brighten up

More often than not, a person in a checkout line, or on a bus, or just trudging down the sidewalk….
their countenance will noticeably brighten with just some light conversation….some acknowledgement of their existence.

I truly believe the greater reward mine
 
I will probably die alone. I never married, have no ex or offspring. I have a nephew who has not communicated since the death of my brother. I have a younger who has not communicated for severals years. Dont ask why, duh. As mentioned the only people I have to talk to are the store clerks, the librarian, the people that bring my oxygen, and the landlord once a month. Soon I hope to have a paid for in home care person come to help with some household chores.
 
I heard a story once that suggested dying people find it difficult to "pass over" whilst their bed is surrounded by relatives and friends and as soon as such a group leaves the room for just a moment then the 'passing over' occurs??
 
I had a similar friend who was diagnosed with cancer, declined very rapidly and died five months after his first diagnosis. Although he lived too far for me to routinely visit, we spoke over the phone and emailed each other every day... and several times a day when he was in hospice. His last response email to me was less than an hour before he died.
 
Gumbud, that is exactly the experience I have had with my mother, mother in law and auntie. In spite of people attending all of them when they were in extremis, each managed to die peacefully when we had left them. I think I might do the same, after time for good byes.
 

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