He died alone

We had a reverse situation with my husband's grandfather. He was 99 years old and had lived on his own for 30 years after the death of his wife. He got pneumonia and had to be hospitalized, and then went downhill quickly. We drove 200 miles to his bedside, and he knew us though he was fading fast. Within an hour of our arrival he slipped away. It was like he waited till we got there to let go.
 

well I think it all fits into the same frame "when everyone is hanging around they want some peace in which to pass over " and when they perhaps know someone is rushing to see them - if they can they wait out of love and then go - two sides of the same coin for me
 
Leann.....

I admire you for being the friend you were to him.......he was lucky to have you.

May your friend rest in peace.
 

gumbud,

I agree with you here, based on my own experience with several people on their deathbed. I will probably do the same, as at this point I would rather spend time and make peace with my Maker.
 
Leann, sorry for your loss, but with all his problems he at last has peace and no more pain. You did more than enough for him, I'm sure he knew that and appreciated you. Like another poster said, perhaps with all the medication he was taking he may have just slipped unconscious and died, which is a peaceful way to go. I always hope I just die in my sleep.
 
Gary O' said:
More often than not, a person in a checkout line, or on a bus, or just trudging down the sidewalk….
their countenance will noticeably brighten with just some light conversation….some acknowledgement of their existence.

I truly believe the greater reward mine
Click to expand...

This is so very true, and made me cry.
 
gumbud said:
I heard a story once that suggested dying people find it difficult to "pass over" whilst their bed is surrounded by relatives and friends and as soon as such a group leaves the room for just a moment then the 'passing over' occurs??
Click to expand...

This is what happened with my Mum. She ended up in hospice in her final days. We'd all come to visit her, (large family) both in some groups and singly. It just so happened that every single one of us visited all in one day, usually we spaced things out so that someone was with her each day, but that day was different for some reason that I can't now remember.

Within 15 minutes of the very last family member leaving her side she was gone. Just like that. It was like she waited till she got to see everyone one last time, and then she was done.

The other thing I've realized is that if we're close to someone, when they pass we will always have a regret or two. That's just human nature. I cared for my Mum in my home for several years before she was moved to hospice, and the only reason she did was just that it got too much for me to take care of alone. With 4 small children at home, caring for her 24/7 was difficult enough, even though she was completely non-demanding, sweet and didn't ask for much. It was only when she became incontinent that I could not longer manage her needs on my own.

I lived with such regret after she passed. If only I'd tried harder. If only I'd figured out something else. If only if only etc. Objectively, after some time and much time wallowing around in regret, I was finally able to realize that I did more for my Mother than a lot of people would have done, I treated her kindly, she got to spend time every single day with her grandkids whom she adored, she was well taken care of with lots of conversation and companionship and no neglect or bad treatment. Even when she went to hospice I worked out a rotating schedule with the family and made sure that she was visited by someone every day, and we brought treats and yummy stuff for her to eat, made sure she had everything she needed AND wanted! It was ridiculous that I had so many regrets about needing to have done more!!! But human nature being what it is, I did anyway.

Don't regret anything Leann. You did a good thing for your friend. <3
 
All that remains of my friend are his ashes which will be spread after a memorial service that will take place sometime in the next month or two. I don't think I'll be attending, not out of anger or disrespect but because I'd rather remember him quietly, in my own way.

I thank all of you for your kind words and heartfelt support and for sharing your experiences. I've read them and re-read them over and again.
 
Being a good friend is the most selfless thing a person can do. I know I will die alone..there is nothing I can do about it but is still upsets me.
 
AZ Jim, NNJO7O, and any others,

I disagree. Just not true. We don’t die alone. You won’t die alone. We hold our loved ones in our hearts, and our memories. They are always with us. We feel them with every breath. I remember carrying my son, how he kicked, how he moved, how he felt. I never saw him.

He fought for his life in a children’s hospital many miles away. I fought for mine elsewhere. He is with me now. He will be with me when I die, as will my other two infant sons which I held, and fed, and loved. As will all my family, alive or dead, here or there, they are with me. I could die in a ditch at the side of road in the middle of a wilderness. It wouldn’t matter. They are always with me.

Your despair will pass.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top