Headstone Design

debodun

debodun

SF VIP
Location
way upstate in New York, USA
I went shopping for a grave marker for my father's family plot. I had no idea how much headstones cost. Even for a simple gray granite bevel-top, 3 feet long will cost almost $2000 (that includes engraving the names of my uncle and my two paternal grandparents who are there). The person I spoke with at the monument store said I could also have a simple design engraved at no additional cost and mentioned a cross, praying hands or a dove. My uncle was an avid Bible reader, but I can't say my grandparents were very religious. I don't think they ever went to church, maybe only for weddings, baptisms and funerals.

My grandmother liked flowers and I suggested a floral design. "Oh, that will be extra.", the salesperson said. I suggested a few other designs only to be met with a similar comment. I asked exactly what designs could be included at no extra cost and she said, "A simple design." After I thought about it, I sent an email to the store clerk and asked to send me some photos of that they consider "simple", but I haven't heard back yet. Maybe I don't have to have ANY design if a cross, dove and praying hands are the only designs that aren't extra.

Do you think $2000 is a lot for what I've described?
 

Something interesting to read, I would research it carefully. I mean to me $2000 is a lot of money. But then again I came across the funeral receipt for my mother in law recently. They basically spared no expense...but it's what she would have wanted. But it's a personal choice. Just be careful with those salespeople, some of them capitalize on grief.
http://www.iscga.org/how-much-does-a-gravestone-cost.html
 
It's not the price so much as they try to make you feel like a cheapo unless you want to lay down at least $10K. Of course the more they can shame you into spending, the more for them. It would take some pretty good shaming for me to part with any more money than I have to - I make Ebenezer Scrooge look like Diamond Jim Brady. It basically just to have something to show they are remembered. So many unmarked graves....
 

Maybe there is a difference in stones and costs between our countries, but I paid around £850 for my mum's stone. That included the cost of inscriptions for her and my dad and removing an old stone that had been erected for my dad. Some minor foundation work was required but the original founds were used. However, there would have been no additional cost had new founds been required. The stone was 3'6 in height and came with a small separate vase. It was black marble and gold lettering - including a Celtic cross engraving. I was very pleased with the stone and thought that it was probably competitively priced. I think I may have fallen over had it cost as much as you have been quoted, debodun.
 
It differs by so many factors...tradition in the family, the community, some cemeteries are strict about types of headstones and floral arrangements, the religious affiliation of the deceased and the survivors.

An example-My family is from small town Pennsylvania. Some of the well to do are buried is mausoleums but that's pretty rare for that area. Most people have modest sized stones with the name and dates only. Maybe a quarter of those have a short sentiment " Beloved Brother of", "In the Lap of Angels" etc. Flowers are planted and tended by family members.

My husband's family was second generation Sicilian. The cemeteries that his family were laid to rest in were really elaborate. One stone would have a lamb, the next a saint and a lamb, the next would be a photograph with two saints and a lamb, the next might have three saints and a rosary and bible carved into the stone as well. Very very expensive, but works of art.
 
The cemetery where my in laws are has a rule of no flowers. I suppose it's to keep people from leaving arrangements that need to be cleaned up. It's kind of sad though. The Pennsylvania cemetery had fresh flowers planted in the Spring and family would tend to their families plots, even the plots of friends and neighbors too. Something my cousins still do every year.
 
The local cemetery doesn't allow artificial decorations only between Dec 1st and Apr 1st. People don't heed the rules. I see a lot of artificial arrangements piled up by the caretaker's shed that were removed from gravesites. Where my parents are has an "anything goes" policy as long as it's tasteful and not too large, but at the same, it's "put it there at your own risk". I've seen artificial decorations, even flags, chopped up and strewn around because the groundskeeper there doesn't bother to mow around them.
 
I once stood in the middle of a very old, small town cemetery (200 years) and it was obvious that it wasn't visited by descendants . No flowers, weeds growing sparsely from the dry, pine cone littered ground. It seemed so lonely and I thought about the families who had scraped together enough money to install the big headstones and how would those people have felt if they realized that no one would come back....that's when I decided no burial for me, no headstone, when I'm gone from this life, I will simply disappear from this reality.
 
My grandmother's last request was to NOT be buried with my grandfather. So we cremated and scattered her ashes on the family farm and then just chiseled her name and dates on the double gravestone. He was pretty domineering in life and I guess she wanted some respite from him when she was in the ground.
 
Yup Debby, I agree completely...I was here and some people will remember me. I don't need a gravestone someplace. It is sad with the really old cemeteries. My in-laws were laid to rest around Union, Irvington, Newark...some of them war zones now. The family in Pennsylvania ages out every decade. My brother is ten years older than me. We're the last two that will remember who those relatives were. I want my ashes spread around the nature reserve. If future generations build there a demon Lorax will appear and take them all out...
 
Recently whilst visiting my sons grave
i was looking at some of the headstones
on my way out of the cemetery when i
saw one that caught my eye

in loving memory
of
Harry fiddler
1890-- 1929

also his wife
Fanny
1890-- 1957

it made me laugh
all the way home
 
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