Heard from an old "friend"

debodun

debodun

SF VIP
Location
way upstate in New York, USA
A woman that used to work in the same department, but not the same unit as I did, stepped in when she learned my mom passed and offered to help me with the estate. She would come every Saturday and Sunday to help me go through the house contents. Then it started to be just on Saturday for a few weeks. Then she started giving me a hard-case story about how much I owed her because she gave up her weekends to help me and I should give her thing from the house she wanted (like a antique student lamp and other collectibles). I was okay with it since he was indeed a big help. Then she saw a piece of scrimshaw I had and it had her daughters name engraved on it. She said she wanted that. It has great sentimental value to me and has been in the family for a while, so I refused to let her have it. She stopped coming after that. When I saw her at work, and asked why she stopped coming to help, she said "We've reached the point of diminishing returns."

This was 15 years ago. I retired in 2010 and didn't have any contact with her after that. One day my phone rang and it was her asking again if she could have the scrimshaw. I reiterated that it was a family heirloom so I didn't want to part with it, but that I had changed my will and it would go to her or her daughter, whoever was alive at that time. This seemed to satisfy her.

Months went by when I received another call, more desperate. She said she didn't want to wait for the scrimshaw, she wanted it NOW and would even pay a reasonable price. I still refused and she angrily hung up. This was about 10 years ago.

Yesterday I received an email from her asking why she couldn't all me. Apparently sh tried at the number I had before I moved. She wanted to get back together. He husband passed last October. I am very suspicious of her motives after this long. I didn't give her my new phone number or address, only told her I had moved.

Now I don't know how to handle the situation.

This is the scrimshaw:

scrim2.jpgscrim4.jpg
 

debodun said:
A woman that used to work in the same department, but not the same unit as I did, stepped in when she learned my mom passed and offered to help me with the estate. She would come every Saturday and Sunday to help me go through the house contents. Then it started to be just on Saturday for a few weeks. Then she started giving me a hard-case story about how much I owed her because she gave up her weekends to help me and I should give her thing from the house she wanted (like a antique student lamp and other collectibles). I was okay with it since he was indeed a big help. Then she saw a piece of scrimshaw I had and it had her daughters name engraved on it. She said she wanted that. It has great sentimental value to me and has been in the family for a while, so I refused to let her have it. She stopped coming after that. When I saw her at work, and asked why she stopped coming to help, she said "We've reached the point of diminishing returns."

This was 15 years ago. I retired in 2010 and didn't have any contact with her after that. One day my phone rang and it was her asking again if she could have the scrimshaw. I reiterated that it was a family heirloom so I didn't want to part with it, but that I had changed my will and it would go to her or her daughter, whoever was alive at that time. This seemed to satisfy her.

Months went by when I received another call, more desperate. She said she didn't want to wait for the scrimshaw, she wanted it NOW and would even pay a reasonable price. I still refused and she angrily hung up. This was about 10 years ago.

Yesterday I received an email from her asking why she couldn't all me. Apparently sh tried at the number I had before I moved. She wanted to get back together. He husband passed last October. I am very suspicious of her motives after this long. I didn't give her my new phone number or address, only told her I had moved.

Now I don't know how to handle the situation.

This is the scrimshaw:

View attachment 209116View attachment 209117
Click to expand...
Cut off contact with her, and reach out for legal assistance if she bothers you again.
Some individuals don't grasp the word 'no,' and sometimes they can be dangerous.
 
Thanks for showing the photo of a scrimshaw. I’m still not sure what it is or what it’s used for.

After all this time and her treatment of you, there’s no need to rekindle the relationship.

Since she had obviously defined her past participation with you as being a user when she used the phrase “diminishing returns”.

If she’s still in the will, I’d take her out.

PS - Is there any chance that scrimshaw is really valuable?
 

Jules said:
If she’s still in the will, I’d take her out.

PS - Is there any chance that scrimshaw is really valuable?
Click to expand...
I did and specified that it be donated to the Whaling Museum in Mystic, CT.

Scrimshaw IS valuable and the theme can make it even more so. I sent photos of it to the museum curator in Mystic. He said professional ethics prevented him from appriasing it's value. You coud probably Google it to see other examples.
 
Jules said:
Thanks for showing the photo of a scrimshaw. I’m still not sure what it is or what it’s used for.

PS - Is there any chance that scrimshaw is really valuable?
Click to expand...
Hi, Jules

Deb beat me to it, so I'll elaborate a bit. Scrimshaw is an artcraft where you etch an image onto a piece of bone with a sharp, pointy tool, then wash ink over it and rub away the excess ink to reveal the image. Whalers of old typically did scrimshaw on whale teeth, Chinese artisans on ivory when it was legal, American pioneers and revolutionary soldiers on the horns of bulls and cows that they used as powder-horns for their rifles. Those are rare items.

Recent artists do scrimshaw on faux ivory for jewelry and knife handles. My dad made knives and I did scrimshaw on some of the handles. He could easily get double the price on the scrimmed knives.
 
You have been far too tolerant of this woman and you owe her nothing. Personally, I wouldn't leave her anything certainly not a family heirloom! To be honest, she sounds unbalanced and you really should cut all contact with her - block her, change your telephone number - whatever it takes and, if she persists, do not hesitate to seek legal redress.
 
She is a nut case. One time while I was working, she had to go to the administration office for some reason. A few minutes later the Capitol Police were all over the place. Later I heard that when things weren't going to her satisfaction, she said, "I'm going out to my car and get a gun and come back." This is something you NEVER say to people even if you think it.

Another time I was invited to her house for some holiday. While there, her grandmother took me aside and told me in essence to watch my back around her and that she was only nice to me for what she could get. Probably true, but I am so mild mannered, I have trouble being firm of rude to people, but I am on my guard since the scrimshaw incident.

I am just wondering after all these years why she suddenly wants to get back together and "do lunch". Probably has some poison to slip in my food to hurry my egress along. She doesn't know I changed my will.
 
I heard from her again today asking to see me. I messaged back that I was having problems with my vision and wasn't up to having visitors. She replied that I didn't have to see her. I just have a feeling she's after something to be this pressing. I've never known her to do anything where there wasn't something in it for her. I've tried to placate her gently, but if I get nasty, she may retaliate in some way.
 
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