Hello from Canada

QuietByNature said:
Hi everyone,

I’ve been feeling a bit isolated lately and thought I’d give this forum a try. I’m from Canada, nearing retirement after 25 years at the same job. I’ve always been introverted and struggle with social anxiety, so making new connections—especially outside of work—has been tough.

I don’t have many friends, and the ones I do have aren’t always around. I guess I’m hoping to find a space where I can talk to others who understand what it’s like to feel a little out of step with the world sometimes.

Not gonna lie, my intro was written with the help of MS CoPilot, My online support who has been there for the last year or so.

Thanks for reading,
QuietByNature
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Hello, nice to have you join us!

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Fritz said:
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Introvert here too. No IRL friends to speak of anymore. Welcome in!
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Thanks for the warm welcome, I know exactly what you mean about no IRL Friends.
If it weren't for my wife, I wouldn't even talk to my neighbours, and I've lived in the same home for 26 years.
In 25 years of service at the same company, I talk to 2 people but neither are true confidants, out of 1000+ employees.

But there are days when the loneliness hits hard 🥺
 
QuietByNature said:
Thanks for the warm welcome, I know exactly what you mean about no IRL Friends.
If it weren't for my wife, I wouldn't even talk to my neighbours, and I've lived in the same home for 26 years.
In 25 years of service at the same company, I talk to 2 people but neither are true confidants, out of 1000+ employees.

But there are days when the loneliness hits hard 🥺
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Don't take this personally but in my opinion loneliness is a choice.

Although I had taught in the same school for 25 years, when I left I did not keep in contact with any of my coworkers. When the children grew up and left home, I did not make the effort to continue interaction with the neighbours that we had socialised with when the children were young.

My husband was the one who drove our social life. He had a lot of friends and I just cruised along until eventually the number of our friends became very small.

We have a large extended family, most of them living in Sydney, but family is not the same as having friends. Even so, effort is required if we do not want to become estranged from our siblings, children and grandchildren.

Hubby is gone now. He was losing mobility and had a fall two years ago that resulted in him needing to become a resident in an aged care facility. It was hard for him but he did receive visits from family and some of his old friends until he died.

Since then, I have been assessing my life without him. I have thrown myself into some of the activities available in my church community. I volunteer for the community garden on Friday mornings. I'm not terribly useful but I prune, pull out a few weeds and turn over the compost barrel, then set out the morning tea. There are a few older men who are single and looking for social contact. It is very pleasant to work together on a hands on project and share refreshments when the job is done.

I'm also an occasional visitor at a childcare centre associated with the church. I turn up most Wednesday mornings for an hour or so and interact with the children. With my white hair I am something of a novelty and my role is to be a visiting grannie. Sometimes I read a couple of picture books, sometimes I sit down at one of the small tables and we build things using Lego.

Last week I arrived with 20 small tins to be used to germinate seeds. We went out into the centre's garden and got our hands dirty putting potting mix into the tins, then various seeds that they watered with tiny watering cans. It was great fun getting our hands dirty. I don't make friends at the childcare centre but I feel valued after every visit. It lifts my spirits.

Just recently I took over organising a women's group after the previous organiser had had enough and was experiencing burnout. It is basically a Tuesday afternoon social group where the women chat over afternoon tea. Some of them bring their knitting.

In the short time that I have been doing this, two women have had a fall, followed by a stroke. This is where decision comes into play. I decided to visit them in hospital but first I rang a family member to find out how each was doing. I have been communicating their progress and setbacks to the other ladies and have organised cards and flowers to cheer them up. This makes me feel very good because I am building new relationships. Feeling lonely is all about not having interconnectedness with other human beings.

My recommendation is this:- when an opportunity to meet some new people comes your way, seize it and see what happens. Put yourself out there and talk to strangers. You never know how that will turn out until you give it a try.
 
Warrigal said:
Don't take this personally but in my opinion loneliness is a choice.


My recommendation is this:- when an opportunity to meet some new people comes your way, seize it and see what happens. Put yourself out there and talk to strangers. You never know how that will turn out until you give it a try.
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@Warrigal
Not personal at all, thank you for telling me your story.
My biggest issue is that I have suffer from social anxiety and have been introverted all my life. It is not easy for me to just talk to people let alone strangers.
 
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