Her anger might affect her health.

I can tolerate some negative behaviors in a partner/spouse/friend, but anger management, arguments, etc., would be walk-away time. Bye Bye.
 

Medical tests as simple as blood work may show abnormalities if there are any.

From what I've read and from my personal experience with my mother, who had dementia, anger is usually a symptom that develops later, after the condition has had time to develop.

"Anger and aggression are common behavioral changes in individuals with dementia, often emerging in the middle to later stages of the condition, and can manifest as yelling, physical aggression, or verbal abuse." -> From Medical News Today
 
GP44. If you look for it, probably everybody could look like pre-dementia. If your wife's mental state had a significant change, I'd definitely inform your Doc.
And, have you considered that your moods are also in flux? Have you been wondering about taking the door for a while?
 

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GP44 said:
We don’t really fight but we argue a lot.
Like the other day she said she wanted to take some fishing gear along while we were making a short visit to in-laws.
I sat in front of the house for 10 minutes and then drove through the alley to pick up some of the needed gear.
I thought about how she had just gotten a bigger bag to put terminal gear in and I was going to ask her about it but she came out of the house angry saying “why don’t you answer your phone.”
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So many things come into my mind as I read your message! There are questions you might want to consider regarding her health -

1) How is her thyroid? Are her numbers normal? Hyperactive thyroid can cause anger issues. I experienced that with my late husband who was taking thyroid meds which were too high. Once they were adjusted, he was much calmer.

2) BP can also cause hypertension. So please make sure her BP is controlled.

3) Has she changed any of her meds? Sometimes a new med can cause behavioral changes.

4) Does she drink coffee? Caffeine can trigger this. I noticed in the past, whenever I drank coffee, I got irritable. My body did not handle caffeine well. I've been drinking decaf for the past 20 years.


These are things to think about. Hope it helps!
 
hearlady said:
Wow, it could be any number of these things. Have you asked her why you make her so mad? And then tell her you are not trying to and how can you help. Give her a chance to talk to you when things are calmed down. Let het her talk as saying it out loud can make it clear to herself that it's not fair and maybe something is wrong.
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Yes! I have tried pointing out that the things that she gets angry about aren’t really important but I realize that they are to her.
I realize now why she has been doing things for a lot of years now.
The way she concentrates on the road when I’m driving like if she takes her eye off of it we might crash or something.
I never understood that. When someone else is driving I enjoy not having to and I get a chance to look at everything but the road. I am seeing so many things that I didn’t understand before now that I am thinking about it in a sense that these are things that she can’t control.
She is so capable in so many things that she does and I think that is the reason why I didn’t see this before for what it is.
Most of the time she is a nice person but I understanding now that when she has these issues it is because she is confused.
I don’t want to give the impression that she is incapable or anything because she is very capable of a lot of things. She takes care of most of the things in our every day lives.
 
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I am reading up on dementia now and learning how to deal with her anger issues.
I know that I can’t be condescending because that would really make her angry.
I am thinking about some of the things that trigger her anger no matter how unreasonable they seem to me I will have to try to avoid those kind of things.
Read good advice about how to deal with her anger by trying to steer the conversation towards something else.
 
I have anger issues. It's weird how it can come and go. For example, I haven't been angry for awhile. I like it way better than being angry but don't know why I have this period of relief. In my case, as @Fritz pointed out, it is anxiety. So, don't know why I'm not anxious now or when it will return. Hope it never does.
Anyway, I've been so angry I thought I was having a heart attack or stroke. Such negative emotions are very dangerous to one's health.
I don't get angry at a partner as I don't have one. That's one of the things I get angry about.
 
palides2021 said:
So many things come into my mind as I read your message! There are questions you might want to consider regarding her health -

1) How is her thyroid? Are her numbers normal? Hyperactive thyroid can cause anger issues. I experienced that with my late husband who was taking thyroid meds which were too high. Once they were adjusted, he was much calmer.

2) BP can also cause hypertension. So please make sure her BP is controlled.

3) Has she changed any of her meds? Sometimes a new med can cause behavioral changes.

4) Does she drink coffee? Caffeine can trigger this. I noticed in the past, whenever I drank coffee, I got irritable. My body did not handle caffeine well. I've been drinking decaf for the past 20 years.


These are things to think about. Hope it helps!
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She sees our doctors all the time for one thing or another. Yes he changes her meds and minerals. About the only long standing problem other than BP is she had been diabetic since around 1976.
Looking back I can see that she had shown signs of dementia for a very long time but it had only got to a stage lately to where I am concerned about it.
It’s not something that I can say started at a certain point in our lives where I can say what caused it but something that I considered part of her personality until she has gotten to where I worry about her now!
 
Pepper said:
I have anger issues. It's weird how it can come and go. For example, I haven't been angry for awhile. I like it way better than being angry but don't know why I have this period of relief. In my case, as @Fritz pointed out, it is anxiety. So, don't know why I'm not anxious now or when it will return. Hope it never does.
Anyway, I've been so angry I thought I was having a heart attack or stroke. Such negative emotions are very dangerous to one's health.
I don't get angry at a partner as I don't have one. That's one of the things I get angry about.
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Sorry to hear about your issues but at least you know you have them.
I hope you know that you are a good person and I can tell by the things you post on this forum.
 
IrisSenior said:
Same here, we argue a lot. If I bring this up with hubby, he will just say I do the same thing. I am more forgetful than he is as I am 8 yrs older than him. He takes small dose blood pressure meds. I am the one that is always upset...I could go on and on and yes I have brought this up with my doctor and he said what I am doing is great...sitting in the backyard and just enjoying nature or alone time for just me.

After reading the above answering posts; I think my best bet is to hope my hubby will book an appointment with our doctor to discuss all his complaints (i.e., sore arm for weeks, trying to lose weight etc...
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Yes! Sitting in the backyard swing together in the evening and watching butterflies and humming birds in the garden are things we enjoy too.
My nephew and his wife and little girl stopped by one time and as it got dark and my wife’s garden lights came on their little girl said “Oh Look Mom, I told you we should make a fairy garden.”
I hope I haven’t given the impression that my wife and I don’t enjoy life too.
I just wanted advice about dealing with her issues.
 
My husband is now disabled in a lot of ways and sometimes he gets angry at me but it doesn't last very long. I blame his condition and how he feels having to rely on me for things he used to do. However, I know he loves me and appreciates my help.

@GP44, I hope you get some answers about your wife and her health. You sound very understanding and patient to me.
 
Pepper said:
I have anger issues. It's weird how it can come and go. For example, I haven't been angry for awhile. I like it way better than being angry but don't know why I have this period of relief. In my case, as @Fritz pointed out, it is anxiety. So, don't know why I'm not anxious now or when it will return. Hope it never does.
Anyway, I've been so angry I thought I was having a heart attack or stroke. Such negative emotions are very dangerous to one's health.
I don't get angry at a partner as I don't have one. That's one of the things I get angry about.
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Anxiety can cause a lot of other health problems. It's probably just because you were so unsure of things when you got home. 🤗
 
Good thing I’m retired because I stayed up all night.
fuzzybuddy said:
GP44. If you look for it, probably everybody could look like pre-dementia. If your wife's mental state had a significant change, I'd definitely inform your Doc.
And, have you considered that your moods are also in flux? Have you been wondering about taking the door for a while?
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After all of this discussion I am wondering if I have issues too. After all the problem with having issues is probably not knowing that you have them.
I don’t intend to leave or anything the only reason why I posted this was for advice about what is going on.
We have been together for over 60 years and I consider us good for each other.
I can’t imagine leaving someone when they need you the most.
This is more an old age problem than a relationship problem.
 
GP44 said:
I am reading up on dementia now and learning how to deal with her anger issues.
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I think it's important to keep mindful of the fact that not everyone who's elderly with anger issues has dementia.
Also... I *think* I read all the replies here, and didn't see anyone asking if you're easy or difficult to live with. Sorry if it's been mentioned, but it was an elephant in the room for me so I had to ask.
 
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Rae said:
My husband is now disabled in a lot of ways and sometimes he gets angry at me but it doesn't last very long. I blame his condition and how he feels having to rely on me for things he used to do. However, I know he loves me and appreciates my help.

@GP44, I hope you get some answers about your wife and her health. You sound very understanding and patient to me.
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Thank You very much. I think I have gotten some very good answers on here that are helping me understand the problem.
 
CallMeKate said:
I think it's important to keep mindful of the fact that everyone with anger issues does not have dementia.
Also... I *think* I read all the replies here, and didn't see anyone asking if you're easy or difficult to live with. Sorry if it's been mentioned, but it was an elephant in the room for me so I had to ask.
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I would consider myself fairly easy to live with I don’t think I am demanding and I enjoy alone time as much as anyone especially when she takes a nap in her chair and think I am attentive to her needs like adjusting the washing machine when it gets out of balance and wants to shake itself to death.
Her wish is my command.
Anyway I think we still enjoy life together but I am just concerned about her anger issues.
Now that I have been thinking about it I noticed that It happens the most when we are getting ready to go somewhere or are actually going about our business in the car.
Maybe she has some anxieties about my driving or something although I manage to keep the car on the road and avoid hitting anything.
All joking aside she watches the road when I’m driving like if she takes her eye off of it we will crash or something.
I think she is unreasonably critical of my driving and doesn’t seem to have good distance perception.
Like she is afraid that I am going too fast to stop at the next stop sign or that when I turn onto a street or road that a vehicle was closer than what it is.
I drive slower when she is along.
Maybe she wants me to be like the old guy who drives down the road at 20 mph or something?
I think some people are deathly afraid of going over 35 mph once they reach the age of 70. Like everything moves too fast for them.
But she sees what a good driver I am when we ride with someone else like our son in law who crowds the center line.
And those who don’t leave any room between the vehicles ahead of them at highway speeds.
Have you ever tried to tell an angry person that they need to take a chill pill?
I’m wondering if taking something for anxiety might be a good idea though.
 
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Nathan said:
@GP44 , Sorry to hear that you're having to deal with this, if there is any "upside" in this matter it would be that you are not the one afflicted by the anger, and are more in the position of being the caregiver. A medical evaluation is definitely in order.
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I wish I had recognized this for what it is a long time ago so I would have taken a different attitude when she got angry.
I’m hoping that by learning how to deal with it maybe we can hep reduce some of her stress.
I have to learn so much now.
 
C50 said:
That's a true thing, people get in habits and being angry is one of them.
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Yes! It is so easy to get angry back at someone who is being unreasonably critical of you instead of trying to find out what the real reason is for the anger.
Maybe a little conflict is healthy as long as it doesn’t start causing stress.
 
Just keep in mind you can't eliminate the anger, caregivers can use strategies to minimize it by creating a consistent environment, addressing basic needs, using calm communication, and focusing on the person's feelings rather than facts.

Strategies include maintaining routines, reducing noise and clutter, ensuring sufficient sleep, and distracting with pleasant activities like music or walks. If aggression continues or worsens, consult a doctor to rule out pain or medication side effects and discuss possible interventions, including medication if necessary.

Unfortunately even though my father knew my mom was getting dementia that didn't stop him from being a jerk.
 

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